Dear Ice Packs,

I love you so much. I just want to rub you all over my face. Actually, I plan on doing just that all. day. long. Sexiness.

Dear Pain Meds,

Everyone told me how good you’d be. I’d really appreciate it if you could live up to the hype rather than making me feel nauseous half the time and the other half making it next to impossible to keep my eyes open. I could even live with all that if you’d take the pain away completely. I’m only allowed to take you every four hours and, like clockwork, you start wearing off at about 3-3 1/2. Not cool Pain Meds, not cool.

Dear Mashed Potatoes,

You are delicious. Don’t be mad if, after all this is said and done, we have to take a little break from each other. It’s not that I don’t love you, I do. Once I can chew again I think it would be healthy for both of us if we saw other people for awhile though.

Dear Phoebe,

I’m sorry that I haven’t been much fun the last few days. You don’t need to punish me for it by biting at my legs every time I walk out of the room and asking to go outside every 30 minutes. I also know that you understand what I’m saying to you even though it sounds like I have a mouth full of cotton balls. That big eyed, innocent stare isn’t fooling anyone. I’ll be back to normal soon, can I just get a break until then? Pretty please?

Dear Anyone Who Has Called Me On The Phone The Last Couple Of Days,

Sorry you can’t understand me. I can’t understand me either. I’ll get back to you once my mouth returns to normal.

Dear Shower,

I miss you. We should really have a long reunion tomorrow because it’s been way too long.

Dear Joel,

Wow, I am so lucky to have you! If it wasn’t incredibly mean I would wish that I could take care of you like you’re taking care of me. However, that would require you being this miserable and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I do plan on making it up to you in any way that you’d like. Multiple times. ::wink wink::

Lots of love,