You Only Live Once, This Is How I'm Doing It!

Month: February 2012


Remember how I wasn’t really feeling pregnant?

Ha, wasn’t that nice.

Well I’m feeling it now. I’m beyond tired and achy but the worst part is the morning sickness. Psh, morning. I wish! It’s all day, every day unless I’m sleeping. Thankfully the tiredness means I sleep a lot.

Now, it could definitely be worse. I almost feel guilty talking about it considering my sister has been severely ill, as in can hardly keep anything down, for 15 weeks and counting. I, on the other hand, just feel nauseous but so far (knock on wood) haven’t puked yet.

I hope I didn’t just jinx myself typing that.

The nausea started about a week ago and at first I was almost glad. Yay, I really am pregnant! I mean, you’d think two positive pregnancy tests and a doctor visit would convince me but no, it took the turning of my stomach to convince me.

Now I’m pretty freaking sure.

I miss food.

I also feel horribly guilty for not eating enough every day. I know I’m not nourishing my body properly and as a result I’m not nourishing my baby properly. I can barely choke down the little food I eat every day and the food I do choke down is usually only with the help of ginger ale. I almost never used to drink pop and now I drink at least one can a day. I’m sure that’s not the ideal way to get extra calories every day.

My only consolation is that what I eat has stayed down so far so I am getting some nutrients every day. The food I eat I try to make healthy but when it’s a choice between popcorn chicken or nothing at all I pick the chicken of course. Today I ate an entire can of black olives and they were delicious and actually made it so I didn’t feel sick at all for an hour or so. I take what I can get.

I keep telling myself I only have about 6 weeks of this left. Even that seems like an infinite amount of time but I know it will go fast. I also keep telling myself it could be so much worse and so I can’t complain. I hope this post doesn’t come off as whining because I’m really not. This is pregnancy and I expected it.

If I end up with a healthy baby at the end of everything it will be worth every minute.


We have a doctor

Well today went fabulously. The practice is warm and friendly and everyone was very nice and put me at ease. We met with a nurse practitioner who doesn’t actually do deliveries but she was so bubbly and easy to talk to. She took the time to answer all of my questions and I loved her answers which is probably even more important. Joel was pretty quiet (except about the floors. They had these natural looking cork floors and whenever we were alone he went on and on about how cool they were. He even took a picture. He makes me giggle.) but when we left he said he felt really good about everything as well.

We set up our next appointment with the actual OB to do an ultrasound and measure exactly how far along the baby is. According to the chart I’m due on October 18th but once we do the ultrasound and measure the fetus things will be much more official. I think once we finally get an ultrasound things will start to sink in. With barely any symptoms it’s hard to believe I’m actually pregnant still. It feels like a dream I’m going to wake up from at any moment or something.

Speaking of dreams, I’m a bit embarrassed that I had my first real panic last night about all this. I haven’t been sleeping very well at night lately but since I knew I had to get up in time for my appointment I tried to force myself to go to bed and sleep. I tossed and turned for ages and all I had to do was lie there and think. Of course the mind hardly ever goes to happy fun places when you’re desperately trying to sleep while watching the hours left until the alarm goes off get shorter and shorter.

I started to think about what a big freaking deal this is. I mean, I’m going to be responsible for a human! And they’re never safe. Ever! I’ve been around the internet enough to know that tragedies happen and it’s rarely expected. Once we make it past the first trimester it doesn’t make my pregnancy safe. And then once the pregnancy is over I have this tiny fragile person to keep alive. And on and on it goes.

Of course I also thought about how worthless I am without sleep. And what really made me panic was the thought that come October I’m never going to sleep again. Ever. And then I had the horrible thought that I wished I could take it all back. I love my life the way it is and why in the world would I want to change it? Which of course made me feel horribly guilty. This of course made me cry even harder. I’m so lucky to have a wonderful husband that noticed my crying and rolled over to cuddle me and help me feel better and I fell asleep shortly after.

Poor guy isn’t even a dad yet and he’s already getting woken up by a sobbing human. At least I’m fully potty trained.

Of course in the light of day everything seems brighter. I’m already madly in love with this kid inside me, even though things have still yet to feel really real. Of course I want this baby and would be devastated if anything was wrong. I feel like the worst of persons for even thinking about taking it back. What kind of mother thinks that?

I did think it though and I don’t want to be fake here. It was just a horrible moment brought on by over tiredness and hormones but it was a moment.

Thankfully for the most part I’ve been unreasonably happy. I suppose it’s only natural for things to swing the other way from time to time. Right?

Any questions?

My first doctors appointment is tomorrow and I admit I’m a bit nervous. I really hope that I love this practice because the idea of interviewing doctor after doctor to find one that fits with us is not at all appealing.

A little background on me. I have been present at five births, three of which were midwife assisted home births and two were very natural hospital births. I have seen what a beautiful, natural process birth is and have never doubted my body’s ability to do it successfully. I would even go so far as to say I look forward to the challenge. Of course I understand that there can always be complications and if a caesarean will save my or my babies life I will gladly have one. My goal however is to have a peaceful, unmedicated hospital birth surrounded by the people I love the most.

There are several midwives on staff at this practice, in fact, our appointment is with a family nurse practitioner. I feel very good about my chances that they will support the type of birth that I’m aiming for. Nothing is ever a given of course so I’m trying to come up with a list of questions to gauge how good of a fit this practice is with me. Here is what I have come up with so far.

1. How many calories should I eat per day?
2. What foods do you recommend I eat? What foods should I avoid?
3. I am currently taking one “NatureMade Multi Prenatal” vitamin a day. Do you consider this a good prenatal supplement? Should I try other brands or add another supplement to my daily routine?
4. I had plans to run a 5k in June, is it safe for me to train for it? How long should I be able to continue to dance?
5. What is the caesarean rate at this hospital?
6. How many people will I be allowed to have at the delivery? (Ideally I will have Joel, my mom and one or more sisters.)
7. Do you support spontaneous, mother-directed pushing? In what positions do you allow mothers to push?
8. We are considering taking Bradley method birthing classes. How to you feel about that method and are there any instructors in the area you recommend?
9. How do you feel about delayed cord clamping/cutting?
10. What determines who is going to be at my delivery?

For those of you that have done this before, what do you think? What should I add/change?

Maybe it’s weird but this first doctors visit feels so grown up to me. I feel almost silly, like I’m playing house or something. I keep reminding myself that no matter how young and un-adult I feel at times I’m 26 and that’s a perfectly reasonable time to start having kids. I also have to take a deep breath and realize that now is the time I start being a mom. It is the first time I will advocate for me and my child. My goals are perfectly reasonable and realistic. I have to force myself not to shy away from questions because I’m embarrassed or a uncomfortable.

I hope it won’t be an issue. Ideally I will feel at ease and questions will be encouraged. I suppose being made to feel rushed, embarrassed or uncomfortable this early on would be a pretty huge red flag and I would need to look elsewhere. I’m not going to focus on or anticipate the worst case scenario for our visit tomorrow though. I am very positive and hopeful that things will go really well.

I will update things after my appointment. Wish me luck!


Insurance fiasco

When I found out I was pregnant my first thought was OhmygoshholycrapYAYahhhhh! Yes, that’s a word. Trust me. My next thought was finding a doctor but that got pushed aside in the excitement of telling my family.

The next day I started to think about finding a doctor to confirm there is in fact a human growing in me and to eventually deliver it. I happen to be blessed with really great insurance through my job. Since Joel and I are healthy people with no strong ties to any specific doctor we chose an HMO plan so I’m limited to my network in my OB choices.

My first stop was to my “portal” to try to find a list of doctors who are in my network. I don’t visit it often because I know who my primary doctor is and we haven’t had any visits that would require me checking on any bills. I logged on and clicked around trying to find the list of doctors in my network. I remember seeing them at one point… maybe when I chose my primary doctor? But that was years ago so I didn’t know where to look. I decided the tab that said “My Coverage” was as good a place as any to start.

And that’s when the panic began.

Coverage = cancelled


My heart immediately started racing and I went back through my mind to when I selected coverage during annual enrolment last year. I thought, oh god what if I did it wrong?! We didn’t get new cards this year but since ours didn’t have expiration dates on them I didn’t think anything of it. We did get new cards for our dental coverage though so I knew I’d done something right during enrolment.

I tried to take deep breaths and think anything other than oh god oh god oh god  I’m pregnant with no health insurance oh god oh god oh god!!! Frantically I looked through my phone contacts to try and find the number for my company’s benefits center.

Eight thousand prompts and two different phone numbers later I finally got a human on the phone. I held it together through all the button pushing but I admit the minute she said, “Hello, my name is Lisa, how can I help you?” I burst into tears. I’m not exactly sure how she made out what I was saying but it was something like, “Hi, I was looking at my insurance *sob* and cancelled and *sob* I just found out I’m pregnant and *sob* whyyyyy?

Bless that woman.

She got my info and was quickly able to tell me that she saw no problem on my company’s end of things. According to them my coverage was current and all good. That was when I started to breath again. She was kind enough to call BCBS for me and then transfer me over. Turns out it was just an internet problem. Apparently at the beginning of the year my policy number changed and since my login info was attached to that old number it showed as cancelled. All I had to do was reregister on the site with my new info and voila! no more problems. The nice lady even made sure our new cards were sent off and sent me a list of doctors I could see.

So now that that moment three hours of stress was over I had to get down to business and pick the person who would potentially deliver my first child.

I had a list of about 20 doctors and all I really had to go by was google to tell me if any of them are good or not.

Before I resorted to eenie meenie miny moe I DM’d the amazing Gina from The Feminist Breeder since I know she lives and works as a doula in the same general area that we live. I was a bit nervous since I know she’s insanely busy but she was so nice and after asking a couple questions she pointed me in the direction of a practice that seems to be exactly what I’m looking for. I have an appointment for this Friday so we’ll see how it goes. I’m equal parts excited and nervous.

Let’s just hope there’s no more insurance misunderstandings. Stress isn’t good for the baby!

Always on my mind

I’ve gotten so many lovely comments of congratulations since we announced things Saturday. Joel and I both feel so loved and grateful to have so many wonderful people in our lives.

Even with all the excitement and well wishes things have yet to really sink in for me. I still don’t feel much different although my appetite is all but gone and I had my first faint hint of nausea yesterday. Food sounding gross to me hasn’t stopped me from eating though, probably too much. We’ve been out a lot and that equals eating out which equals tons of junk food which equals me feeling like I’m getting a tummy already.


I also have the nagging thought in the back of my head that anything I put in my mouth is potential poison. I find myself second guessing everything I eat. I know it’s silly and I’m not stressing out about it, but the thought does cross my mind every time I sit down to a meal or reach for a snack.

Yesterday we went to the Chicago auto show which was a blast as usual.

For the first time we weren’t alone, we went with Joel’s sister Beth and her boyfriend Jim.

It was so much fun having more than just us there, although I have to admit I have tons of fun doing anything with them so I wasn’t a bit surprised. Acting like a crazy garage band was definitely a highlight. We look good right?

We did make jokes about it being the baby’s first auto show and every time we’d lose Joel (he always managed to be the one separated from the group) Jim would call out “Preggers!” which gave me the giggles every time. To be clear, Preggers was never my nickname, always Joel’s.

It’s so funny how the baby is never out of my mind for a second. I checked that the test drives didn’t warn that pregnant women shouldn’t do them. I mean really? Driving slowly in a circle? I get more jolts from the pothole filled streets of Chicago. Still, I thought about it. I was insanely tired so I got a chai latte from Starbucks, but not before checking that there was less caffeine in it than the max recommended amount.

I posed for a picture on a motorcycle,

and as I was stepping off to give someone else a turn an old guy standing near said to me “That sure looks good on you.” and chuckled in a way that only pervy old guys can. My first thought was are you kidding me? I’m pregnant! Obviously (thankfully?) there’s no way he could have guessed that just by looking at me but because it was on my mind it made it so much more gross to me.

I catch myself grinning all the time. I want to shout it out to perfect strangers. I feel like I’m carrying around a secret and yet I feel like everyone should know.

At the same time I’m still a bit afraid that it’s not real. Like I said, I don’t feel much different. Just the occasion whiff of something that seems extra strong or extra gross. But then how do I know it wouldn’t have seemed strong/gross anyway? I feel the occasional turning of my stomach but how do I know it wasn’t because of the last thing I ate? Joel says my boobs are bigger (and likes to recheck just to be sure very regularly) but I’m not entirely sure that’s not because I’ve been eating too much junk food and may have put on a few pounds. Of course the biggest symptom is still a lack of AF and an even stronger second line when I took a second pregnancy test (see above doubt for reasons why I retested).

I have my first OB appointment on Friday so I suppose I’ll know for sure then. I’m very excited about the practice I chose but that’s a whole other stressful tale that I will tell at another time.

For now I just wait and grin secretly to myself every few minutes. It’s a lovely little secret I have, isn’t it?

We’re expecting!

and we’re beyond thrilled. Follow my adventure into motherhood at

We’re expecting!

and we’re beyond thrilled.

Extended Furlough

Sorry that I’ve been completely neglecting this blog lately. I’m also sorry that the post I left at the top was so incredibly depressing. While my life is actually quite great right now I just don’t feel like I have much to say on this blog. It was supposed to be about my jet setting adventures around the world serving coke and meeting people. And while I have had many great adventures while grounded from work it’s not the same as working. So I lost steam here and planned to begin writing again when my recall date came in March.

Unfortunately I got news recently that instead of going back to work in a couple weeks I’ve been furloughed for another year.

A whole freaking extra year of being grounded. Sucks.

But it’s better than the alternative of losing my job completely along with my flight benefits and insurance. I still have those and I do have a recall date of March 2013.

All that to say I’m letting this blog go for awhile. I may still post from time to time and it’s definitely not dead for good. I will revive this blog when I officially go back to work, hopefully in no more than a year from now.

Don’t worry though, you can still find me around Twitter and I have another blog project in the works that I’m super excited about….

More on that very soon.


I peed on a stick!*

What do you do the minute you get a positive result on a pregnancy test? Why immediately jump in the car and drive over 175 miles round trip so you can see your family’s faces when you tell them the news of course!

Not all of our family was close enough to be seen in person. We added the names of those we told over the phone so you know who is who.

P.s. Right after I left my sister’s house she texted me to let me know that after I left the house my 5 year old nephew said “Mommy, I’m going to pray Aunt Abigail has twins!” Let’s hope God was busy with world peace or something when that request went up.

*Here’s a fun game for all you non-pregnant folks, take a shot every time I say “peed on a stick.” I’m so classy.

The two little lines that changed my life

I had these grand plans to make this blog about our journey from before we were ready, through trying to conceive then pregnancy and beyond.

Thing is, I felt like I had tons of time before I was remotely ready to start trying to conceive, so I put off writing here.

Then, for no reason at all, Joel and I both said “I wanna baby” and neither one of us said “Oh hell no!”* So, blame the rabies, but we tossed aside the condoms and went for it. I’ve tracked my cycles for years and have a general idea of when things happen but so the first month I pretty much knew we missed our window. Sure enough, we had. No disappointment, I had a feeling it wouldn’t be easy. I didn’t even own a basal thermometer. We figured out early on that birth control made me feel nauseous every. second. of. every. day. so it didn’t take us long into our marriage before we decided to toss it and go with good old fashion condoms.

For five years they worked without so much as a leak or a scare. I actually thought there might be something wrong with one of us they worked so well. I mean, I kept hearing about this baby from a broken condom and that baby from failed birth control blah blah blah and I got this idea that we were playing fast and loose with my uterus every time we had sex.

All that to say when we tossed them aside I really expected we had a long journey ahead of us.

This past month we still both had baby fever which is also something that’s never happened two months in a row. However, we had guests staying with us and we live in a tiny apartment with paper thin walls so out of consideration we held off and I thought we again missed our window. We chalked this month up to really fun practice and set our minds on trying again next time.

Only… the day my app (yes I track my period with an app, shut up) said I was due to start came and went without so much as a hint. Honestly, my only reaction was confusion so I recounted and realised the last several months I’d been having short cycles so I just chalked it up to me going back to my normal lengths.

No biggie.

Today was my adjusted due day.

Still no freaking hint of anything so, even though I promised myself I’d wait until I was officially a day late I peed on a stick.

No mistake there, huh?

So haha, we got pregnant right away. Considering my mom has six kids, and between two of my sisters they have five going on six kids I shouldn’t be surprised at. all.

I am surprised though. And excited. And terrified. I expected more time. I mean, I guess I have nine months to get ready. Because oh my god I’m a mommy.

::screams:: ::falls over (but gently, because ya know, the baby)::

So anyway, I have zero symptoms so far. The only symptom is a lack of ruined underwear, ahem. I have been taking naps but then I was up till 5am which is pretty normal for me if I take naps so I wouldn’t exactly call that a symptom. Come to think of it, some strawberries at the store the other day smelled super gross to me. They smelled great at first but when I picked them up to get a closer smell I thought I smelled mildew or feet or something so we didn’t buy them. Oh! I also had heartburn for the first time ever in my life last night. What?! Isn’t that not supposed to happen until the baby is big enough to press on your stomach? If that is a symptom already I’m getting a surrogate. It’s not too late for that yet right?



Anyway, due to my family history I really expected to be barfing my brains out at this point. My mom and one of my sisters are both cursed with severe morning all day sickness so I just assumed I’d be the same but so far so good. I hope I didn’t just jinx myself.

I haven’t told Joel yet. I wanted to pee on a stick when he was home but I couldn’t wait and now I’m going to die of excitement while I wait the million and a half (three) hours until he gets home. I will try and tape his reaction and post it. I wish I had taped mine but like I said before, I really truly didn’t expect to see a second line on that stick. **

Here we go motherhood!

*oh yeah, this is a mommy blogger who curses. Get over it.

**I waited until after I told him the news before I published this. It’s part of the journey though so I’m leaving it in.

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