You Only Live Once, This Is How I'm Doing It!


I keep seeing the big black void where my baby should have been.

Nothing to see.

I remember thinking at the beginning that I thought I’d hear the heartbeat.

Nothing to hear.

My uterus is measuring about half a week behind where it should be. But even so there should have been something. Something beside the black void that there was.


Those moments of sitting on the table before the doctor came in I was so excited. I realized in those moments how much I really did want that baby and how I couldn’t wait to see it. Funny I would realize it then, right before it was gone.

Funny how losing something that was never really there hurts so much.

I still feel just as pregnant. I could barely make it out the door this morning because I felt so nauseous.

We have another scan next week to see if there could be a mistake with how far along I am. But there should have been something. Anything.

There was nothing.




In hiding


  1. Oh Abigail…I am so sorry. Praying for you during this difficult time.

  2. I’m so sorry, and I’m praying for you and family. I have been there, and it is hard. God bless.

  3. Sending you love and energy darling.

  4. My heart hurts for both of you. You’re in my thoughts.

  5. Oma

    Abigail darlin’ . Grandpa and I are praying for you and Joel, for strength and to feel God’s wings underneath you because you know and we know they are there. As we and your mom know too, there was something there and it was a part of you and a special bond with you and Joel. There were hopes and plans already in the making. God knows this and with His help you will feel better soon and answers will be coming your way. For now, just sit trustingly under the God’s wings, which like a mother eagle, will protect you from any damaging rays and will help you in flight soon. With much love and great big gentle hugs…Oma

  6. I am so sorry Abigail. You and Joel are in my prayers. Love and hugs xx

  7. Hannah

    I just stumbled across your blog tonight but I want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. One blogger,, has miscarried a couple times and now has a healthy pregnancy. You might find her posts on loss helpful for you. Again, I’m so sorry.

  8. Kathrin

    Hi Abby, for the last few days I wanted to send you and Joel a message and when I visited your blog tonight I promised myself to leave a comment… not expecting this post of course. I am so so sorry for your loss but I know that you two are strong and will be ok. I am 100% sure, and I am also sure that you two will become great parents one day. I send you much love and strength your way!

  9. I am so, so sorry Abigail. Many hugs and prayers heading to you and Joel.

  10. Just saw your tweets about this. I’m so sorry for your loss.

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