Down

I’ve been really down today. I’m hoping it’s a one day thing. Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel better. I’m counting on it anyway. I don’t like being reminded about people that hurt me and today is just one big fat reminder. So I’ve been quiet most of the day. Poor Joel makes jokes that would normally make me laugh and I barely crack a smile. That’s if I’m not too lost in my thoughts to hear him at all. I think writing about it will help and then I think that will only get me into trouble. So I’m in limbo with the words that I want to write swirling in my head and no outlet. Crap.

Why does family have to be so stupid sometimes? Why do friends have to suck? Why are people so hurtful? Why don’t more people treat others the way they’d like to be treated? If humans all lived by that rule the world would be a pretty nice place. It wouldn’t be perfect because obviously some people like to be treated differently than others and that would create some misunderstandings. But in general people would be kind to each other. They would be understanding when mistakes were made because they would realize that they’ve made mistakes themselves. They would accept people for how they are, right now, no qualifications. Wouldn’t that just be lovely?

I daydream about that sometimes. Like what if people weren’t cruel and ignorant? What if differing opinions weren’t something to be feared but were just cause for stimulating conversations? Why be so afraid of differences? Why is that threatening?

This post is like my brain throwing up. I do think about these things. Sometimes I even cry about them. Because hate is so hurtful, especially when you’re not really sure what you did to deserve it. To some people I am an awful human being. Consider yourself warned.

This post is so woe is me I almost don’t want to publish it. Life is mostly good but everything isn’t all butterflies and rainbows and I think that’s ok. Right? I can be sad on here every once in awhile, yeah? I promise it won’t happen very often. Sometimes I just need a hug. I’m so lucky I have Joel and Phoebe around for the cuddles. A little virtual love would be nice too, remind me I’m not completely evil.

A little evil obviously, but not completely. ::wink::