At the store we have a lot of free samples. We’re new so people have no idea what’s good (hint: every single thing.They’re not even making me say that.) and when they taste something and like it they usually buy it. Even if they don’t buy it right then, they get excited about it and tell their friends. Can’t lose.

At the grand opening there were of course the most free samples. We had tons of stuff we were giving away. Soda, ice cream, cheese, chips and bread with several different kinds of dips, baked goods, beer, wine…. I mean, you could have made a round through our tiny little store and had an entire meal.

People wandered around, checking things out and most were really excited about the store. Some people however won’t ever be happy no matter what. I feel sorry for those people. What a miserable life, finding everything that’s wrong with everything.

Anyway, I was handing out free bottles of soda and single serve ice cream when a guy wandered into the store. He had a mopey expression on his face and kind of stood off to the side. He then moved closer to my table,

I heard you guys were giving away free stuff.”

“Oh yeah, we have all kinds of things all over the store. Would you like a soda or some ice cream?”

He looked at the bins of my stuff and turned up his nose at it.

“I don’t like soda”

I told him to have a look around because there was plenty of other things he could try.

I didn’t see him for awhile and gave away most of the rest of my soda in the mean time. When he came back there were only a couple left.

He seemed even more mopey and annoyed and said to me,

It’s all small stuff.”

Um, duh! Was what I wanted to say. Instead I smiled and told him,

Well of course. They want you to try things and like them so much that you buy them.”

To this he rolled his eyes. I mean, seriously Dude? What exactly do you think we’re in the business of doing? We have to make money. Again, duh.

I offered him a soda again but he still turned me down.

He was kind of standing off to the side all gloomy and sad like a real life Eeyore. All he was missing was the rain cloud hovering over his head. In the mean time, I handed out all but the last of the sodas. He moved closer but only to complain more.

“I wanted to pick up something for a friend.” As if we were giving away entire plated meals to-go.

Someone came by and asked for the last soda in my bin. Of course, since Eeyore had already turned it down I gave it away without a second thought. I popped the cap off, handed it to the happier customer and then Eeyore was all,

Hey, now there’s none for me.”

Um, excuse me? You turned me down, not once but twice.

I just kind of looked at him in surprise and the happier customer offered it to Eeyore. Can you imagine? You take a sample and as you get it a full grown man literally whines about there not being one for him because you took it? Seriously awkward! What else was there to do?

Eeyore turned the customer down too. After they walked away with their soda, Eeyore turned back to me and whined,

Now are you going to get me one?”

At this point I just wanted the whining to stop so I went to the soda case and thank God there were more sitting in there. Technically those were for sale but by that point I probably would have paid for it myself. I brought it back and handed it to him. He took a sip and then sighed

I don’t even really like soda.”