You Only Live Once, This Is How I'm Doing It!

Tag: baby

Weekly Wesley: One


I survived my first week as a mother. Survived isn’t really the right word though because honestly I’m loving it so far. It’s still hard for me to tear myself away from his face long enough to throw a picture on Instagram much less write anything. Not only that but this kid loves to nurse so I rarely have more than one hand free. Currently Wesley is dream eating on my right side and I’m awkwardly typing this up with my left hand.


Don’t take any of that as complaining though. Breastfeeding is still one of my very favorite things I’ve ever done. Wesley is a complete natural, it kind of blows my mind. I was expecting cracked, bleeding nipples and super sore boobs but so far I’ve experienced none of that. It can hurt a little when he latches on but usually that means I just have to unlatch him and try again. My milk finally officially came in yesterday. I was wondering if it was in before but when I woke up with seriously giant, dripping breasts I stopped questioning things. You’re welcome for that mental image guys.


Sleep is actually not too bad now. The first two nights were rougher than I expected. All he did all night long was eat and cry. I’m fairly sure he didn’t sleep at all unless it was a cat nap while nursing. Oof. Joel was a saint and took turns walking him while he cried. We both got no more than two 45 minute stretches of sleep each though. There are no words for that kind of sleep deprivation. Wesley finally mastered the side lying nursing position though and that means that we both get far more sleep. In fact, last night I had to actually wake him up because my boobs were so full I couldn’t sleep anymore. Twice. I know these things change all the time but I’m enjoying the decent stretches I’m getting while I’m getting them.


I love seeing how Joel has taken to fatherhood. It is beautiful. He so clearly adores our little guy. I’ve changed… one? diaper since Wesley was born. In just one week he’s gone from basically no experience to getting really comfortable with holding and soothing and dressing a tiny newborn. I knew he’d be a great dad but I didn’t know how much I’d enjoy watching him be one.


Phoebe has adjusted really well. I plan to write a separate post about the transition but it’s going far better than I expected. She is such a great dog and I have a feeling her and Wesley are going to end up being best friends just like I hoped.

I’m recovering well. I plan to write about recovery and all that in a separate post as well. For now let’s just say not being pregnant anymore feels way better than I expected.


Other milestones:

  • Wesley held his head up the morning after he was born.
  • Wesley’s cord fell off last night. So at six days old! I was kind of surprised it fell off already but I’m certainly not complaining. It’s nice not to have to worry about bumping it all the time. He has the funniest little outie belly button. We’ll see if it stays that way as he chunks out.
  • We finally did “real” (aka not on my chest) tummy time today and he predictably hated it. Poor little guy was so squished in utero though that he has a little weakness on one side of his neck so it’s really necessary for him to get that exercise.
  • His jaundice seems to be clearing up. The pediatrician sent us back to the hospital to get blood work done the day after he came home. She seemed to think it was pretty bad and said he might need to be readmitted depending on the numbers. Thankfully the levels weren’t too high and we didn’t even need to get a UV blanket to take home. In retrospect maybe dressing him in yellow for his appointment wasn’t the best choice. We have another appointment Wednesday so we’re hoping he’s gaining weight okay and his jaundice is gone.
  • Wesley has had lots of visitors already. He’s met all his grandparents and one set of great grandparents. Plus six of his cousins and a bunch of his aunts and uncles. This little man is so loved by so many people.


It doesn’t feel totally real yet. I can’t really wrap my head around the fact that I’m a mom. Wesley is my son. I keep saying it out loud in hopes it will fully sink in. I love him but he doesn’t feel like he’s actually mine yet. I’m hoping that’s normal and that it will click in soon. But even though it hasn’t I’m still in a state of completely bliss over this adorable little bundle I was somehow lucky enough to get blessed with. One week old and he’s already perfect.

Baby giggles

I’m still feeling pretty lousy. Much better than yesterday. But still? Blah.

Nothing is happier than baby giggles. So instead of whining about how bad I feel I’ll leave you with a smile with this video.

Our friends are awesome

Because they can give us a gift like this without it feeling like there’s any pressure at all. Which is good, because this. is. awesome.

Don’t get any ideas, there’s isn’t a future Twitter addict baking yet. But whenever we decide to have one we have one of their first little outfits.

Yet keeps moving

One question I get asked a lot is “When are you going to start having kids?” Is it just me or is that basically asking about my sex life? Like, why don’t you just ask what positions are our favorites? Or what kind of birth control we use. Or how often we do it.

While I wish I had the nerve to come back with “I’m not sure. So how’s your sex life?” I generally say something along the lines of  “We want kids eventually. We’re just not ready. Yet.”

When Joel and I got married we knew we didn’t want kids right away. We wanted time to really get to know each other better. To laze around the house in all states of undress. To go on a weekend trip on a moments notice. Basically we wanted time to be a fun, young married couple. We said we wanted to wait three to five years.

We’ve been married almost four and a half years.

Ho. ly. crap.

I love, love, love kids.  However, if I’m being totally honest I love kids less now than I did in my late teens and early earlier 20’s. Don’t get me wrong. The little kids in my life? Adorable. Love them to death. Can’t imagine my life without them. But there’s always the option to send them to their mother when I don’t want to deal with them.

What will it be like when I’m the mother?


Then there’s the whole sleep issue. When I don’t get enough sleep? Frankly, I’m kind of a bitch. What if I can’t handle the lack of sleep?

What if I don’t like my kid?

I love my freedom. I love having days of doing absolutely nothing at all. Once I’m a mom that’s gone, mostly likely forever.

Am I ready to give that up?

Will I ever be?

Anyway, this is on my mind lately. I definitely want kids. In fact, I kind of want a lot of kids. Now that I’m grown up and close to my siblings I want to give my children the same kind of experience. I’m pretty sure I don’t want 8 like my dad but definitely more than 2.

Actually, I’ve joked that we’ll just keep having kids until we get a bad one. Then we’ll stop.

I’m mostly kidding.

But seriously, I’m scared of having a colicky or difficult baby. Or getting postpartum depression.

I’m really scared that I’ll be a bad mom.

I’m so selfish. Not just sometimes. Most of the time. Growing a baby doesn’t magically change your personality does it?

I mean, even now I get so hurt and frustrated when my mom doesn’t have time for me. I hate not being able to get a hold of her. I’m twenty-freaking-four. Once you’re a mom, you’re always and forever a mom.

I’m just not sure when I’ll ever be ready to go from Me to Mom.

Since we hit that magic we’ve-been-married-for-three-years milestone we keep setting future dates to start trying. When the date comes we get cold feet and push it off further. There’s just so much I want to do.

I want to:

  • run a marathon
  • pay off our credit cards
  • buy a house
  • have some money in savings
  • get sexy pictures taken of me so I remember my awesome pre baby body
  • get in shape enough to where I feel like I have an awesome pre baby body

And ya know, a million other things that always seem to come up. I just don’t know if there will ever be a time that feels like it’s right. I’m afraid if I just keep waiting around to be ready it’s never going to happen.

Someone please tell me how you knew that you were ready. Did you wish you would have waited longer? Not waited as long?

It’s worth it right?

I want to be a young, fun mom. I just keep saying I’m not ready yet. But yet? Just keeps moving.

Two Year Old Cuteness

We celebrated my little nephew Jordan’s second birthday yesterday. He is such a sweet little kid and he has literally the best smile in the entire world. I can’t believe the youngest in our family is two already. Somebody needs to have a baby soon… Not that I’m volunteering or anything.

P.S. The fruit pizza you see in the video? It was as delicious as it was pretty. ::pats self on back::

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