You Only Live Once, This Is How I'm Doing It!

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“Bigger than average”


We had a biophysical profile ultrasound today. Fluids are good, blood flow is good and he is head down and in an anterior position. Yay.

The tech started the ultrasound by saying, “Oh wow, you don’t have much fluid in there.” and of course my stomach dropped out of my body. Then she poked around and, ya know, actually measured the fluid while I tried not to cry or panic. She then said there was a lot more fluid in there than she thought.

So thanks for the heart attack. Jerk.

Wesley was super stubborn and despite making my stomach jump and bounce all over the place in the waiting room he decided to take a snooze during the actual ultrasound. One of the things they have to look at is movement so she was poking him and shaking him and he would. not. move. I finally asked Joel to talk to him and sure enough, he kicked a few times. Baby boy loves his daddy’s voice.


One thing he would not do was move was his hand away from his face though. So we got a little glimpse of his nose and mouth but that’s it. Every single ultrasound his hands have been up by his head. It’s kind of adorable but I really hope he moves those little hands for the delivery because, no matter how tiny his hands are, I don’t want them to try to fit through me with his head. Ugh.

Also, they estimate he’s 8lbs 2oz. In the words of the doctor he’s “a little bigger than average.”

And yeah, I know the measurements are not generally all that accurate but I’m still kind of freaking my freak over here. Because the measurements can be wrong the other way too. As in, he might be bigger than 8lbs. And he is not coming out yet. And he’s just getting bigger every minute he stays in me.

Excuse me while I faint.

It’s probably a good thing for my sanity that I go to such a laid back OB/midwife practice. Seriously, one visit to a high risk office where they tell me “He’s going to come out all dried out and wrinkled” and, when I tell them I haven’t been contracting much and the ones I have aren’t really uncomfortable, they say “well that’s not going to do anything at all” and it spirals me into an emotional hole.

Yesterday I was all zen. Today I spent most of the day ugly crying and terrified of pushing out a giant baby with a nuchal hand. It was not pretty.


I had a bit of an epiphany earlier this evening and realized why all the advice for starting labor was getting to me so much. I know that the people who give it are trying to be nice and helpful. I’m definitely not mad at anyone for trying to help. It’s just, when people say “try x or y” it makes me feel like I’m not doing enough to get this baby out. Like, if I would have drank more tea or taken more supplements or walked further or had more sex or… or… or… he’d be here already. If I could just find the thing to do or do the thing enough I’d be holding my baby. Every moment I spend lying on the couch feels like I’m failing, even if the reason I’m lying down is because I feel like my pelvis is going to rip in half if I take one more step.

You would think that hearing that my baby is healthy and there are no issues would put me in a great mood. And yet somehow I left that appointment feeling completely terrified, defeated and like a failure. I’m really thankful for my friends on Facebook because they helped talk me down from my hysterics. I’m also thankful for my husband because he really does his best to stay calm and take my roller coaster of emotions in stride.

I know it’s not my fault he’s not here yet. Now if only I could get what I know and what I feel to match.

39 Weeks


This is my last weekly update before my due date.

Wait, what now?

Could be my last weekly update period if this kid decides to follow in his mom and dad’s footsteps and be born on a 17th. I’ve been discussing it with Wesley and telling him Sunday is his birthday so he better not miss it. St. Patrick’s Day would be a pretty freaking cool birthday. Plus, my favorite midwife is on call this weekend. Not that I mind who catches him that much, we’ve just seen her the most so it would be cool to have her at the birth.

It’s fine if he picks another birthday. I mean obviously.

I would prefer it be sooner rather than later. But also it would be nice if he waits until at least after this weekend because Joel has his dad-chelor party tomorrow. It’s also my nephew’s birthday Saturday and it would be really cool if my little guy could have his own day. Not to mention my nephew would probably be pretty bummed if everyone got pulled away from his party because I was in labor.

So basically I have a lot of opinions about when he comes. Which means he will likely come exactly when I don’t want him to.

Such is life.

We had another uneventful appointment yesterday where Joel captured this,


which has to be one of my favorite shots of all time. I will never get sick of hearing Wesley’s beautiful healthy heartbeat.

She didn’t check me for dilation again and I’m totally fine with that. If I’m not dilated at all I’ll just be bummed and if I am it could give me a false sense of when things might start happening. There is a tiny bit of me that is curious but not enough to request a check. She didn’t mention if I would get checked at my next appointment (which is on my due date, eek!).

Other than the good appointment, yesterday was a tough day. I woke up, took a shower and promptly puked my guts out. It was a nice little flashback into the first trimester. I remained horrendously nauseated all day, to the point where I couldn’t pull it together enough to go to dance. That was really upsetting, especially since my studio is now on break for the next two weeks. So I guess my pregnant dancing days are over. Sigh.

So now it’s just a waiting game. Joel is incredibly jumpy, which I find completely adorable. I find myself feeling like I need to cling to every second. Every lazy moment, every cuddle with Joel, every moment of sleep. We went to the movies. They asked if we wanted to sign up for a rewards card and we just kind of laughed because who knows when we might be back.

Every wiggle and kick feels extra precious because I know I don’t get to feel them much longer. Of course I can’t wait to nibble on the delicious little toes and knees that have been making my belly dance but I’ll miss feeling him go crazy after I have a Coke or milkshake. I will not miss the nausea or the food aversions or feeling like my pelvis is trying to split in half every time I move, but the kicks? Those I will miss, even the hard ones to the ribs.

In which I look ridiculous

AiW300A little over a week ago I got to perform with my dance studio in their hip-hop production of Alice in Wonderland. I was a crazy guest for the tea party.

We’ve been preparing for this for months and I basically had the attitude that if the baby cooperated I would do it. I wasn’t sure how realistic that plan was though since it was scheduled for almost exactly a month before my due date. How many people do you know who perform in a hip hop production at 9 months pregnant?

Yeah me neither.

But dance is my exercise as well as my passion so I learned the dances and just kept an open mind about things. I finally got brave enough to ask my doctor when I should plan to stop dancing (I say brave because I honestly didn’t want to be told I had to stop. Ever.) and got the amazingly hilarious, “when you’re crowning.” response so I fully committed to doing this performance.

I had so much fun.


Photo credit DLD Dance Center

I also clearly need to work on being more expressive.

Joel put together a little series of clips of my parts in the show.

I wish I could show you the whole thing in it’s entirety but it’s not my choreography or my music. The songs we danced to were Tea Party by Kerli and Outta Your Mind by Lil Jon feat LMFAO if you want to use your imagination.

Dancing at nine months pregnant is not something I recommend for the faint of heart. After dress rehearsal the day before and then the performance I was in a lot of pain for few days. Like, walking like a 90 year old woman, pain. I also felt completely ridiculous with my giant belly. Luckily as part of the crazy tea party I was supposed to look ridiculous so that worked out.

Funny side story. Backstage was nothing but concrete floors and metal chairs and I knew my back couldn’t stand hours of that on top of the dancing so I brought my own comfy lawn chair. I was supervising some of the kids back stage and of course they gave me a bit of a funny look when I pulled my own chair out so I said something along the lines of, “growing a human is hard.” Later I grunted or something while standing up and one of the little girls said, “Was that because you’re growing a human?” with a look of concern. I about died laughing. Kids are the cutest.

Anyway, I only had one person tell me that they were worried my water was going to break while they watched me perform so I guess, win? I hope I inspired someone or at least made them smile with my ridiculousness. If nothing else I had a blast and did not give birth on stage. That is a definite win.

36 weeks


Nine months pregnant today.

One week away from full term.

One month from my due date.

Holy moly!

This week was amazing. Remember how last week I talked about the interview we had on Saturday for childcare? Big. Fat. Lie.

Of course I didn’t know it was a lie. It was Joel’s super conspiracy to get me to my surprise baby shower! It deserves it’s own post so I’ll just say that it was amazing and I’ve been floating on a happy high from it all week long.

In baby news we’re down to weekly appointments now for the midwife/OB. This week we did the GBS test and I’m crossing all my crossables that it comes back negative so I don’t have to have an IV during labor. Yes, I know some people opt out of it and there are some natural treatments but I honestly could never be comfortable with that. So, I’m just hoping it’s a non issue. I really hate needles. Hopefully I’ll find out at my appointment next week.

Everything else looks good. I was measuring a week behind but I only knew that because I know what the number is supposed to be. The midwife said it was great. His heartrate is fantastic and he is kicking like crazy. He is definitely opinionated, he kicked and wiggled away from the doppler as usual. It’s just 1cm difference so really it could have meant he was just lying a little funky. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. As long as he’s healthy I honestly would not mind a tiny baby. For practical reasons, you understand.

I feel like a house and I’m pretty much on permanent duck waddle status. I swear I’m growing my son’s twin in my brand new extra chins though. Looking through the pictures for the shower I had to cringe a bit. All the chins! sigh Oh well, I always did have a round face, pregnancy has just made it worse. Not saying this to fish for compliments, just being real.

Still no stretch marks but I don’t hold out for that lasting much longer. Also, my belly button is on the verge of popping. Sometimes if I’m laughing really hard it almost pops and it freaks Joel out. Then him freaking out makes me laugh even harder and my belly button comes even closer to popping… and it’s a vicious cycle.

I’ve been having a few contractions on and off. Obviously nothing to be remotely worried about. Unless you’re Joel and then you’ll start timing things if I have more than one in a row. It is pretty cute how jumpy he is about every wince and groan of mine. And trust me, there’s quite a lot of wincing and groaning going on. I try to downplay things but standing up and moving is quite the effort anymore so I’m not often very successful.

This weekend I’ll be performing in a hip hop version of Alice in Wonderland with my dance studio. I will make sure Joel takes lots of pictures because I feel like the amusement factor of me doing hip hop with my giant belly will be quite high.

Stay tuned tomorrow for my second maternity shoot post.

Maternity Photos (part 1)

Finally! Sorry it took so long but I hope you’ll agree it was totally worth the wait.

We found Rebecca Reichman through our doctor’s office actually. Her gorgeous work is hanging everywhere and I knew we had to check her out for her newborn photography. We then found out that by booking a newborn session we also got a maternity session. So, thanks to a generous birthday gift from my mom and a little bit of a technical error (explained at the end of this post), we found ourselves with dozens of gorgeous maternity photos.

Here are my favorites.

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Interjecting here to say I adore this picture. My belly looks so perfect. Loooove.

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This last one is my very, very favorite. She captured the glow of our love for this baby perfectly. I can’t wait to see how the newborn photos come out.

Friday will be part 2 which is the shoot we did with my sister. They are equally amazing and worth the wait. Trust me.

The End

My time as an au pair is over… as is this blog. I’ll be keeping all the posts up still but there will be no new posts here. If you want to read about my current adventures you can check out my new blog on *smile*

Kinda sad yet funny

Well, I’m going back pretty soon and I thought these were pretty funny (p.s. I had to post both Chicago and Indiana since I’m so close to Chicago that they all pretty much apply to me)

~You Know You’re From Chicago When…

You say “Wanna go with?” when you mean “Do you want to come with me?”

You know what Kennedy, Dan Ryan, Eisenhower, Edens, and Bishop Ford, have in common and curse one of them daily.

You know what Giordanos, Lou Malnati’s, and Gino’s have in common.

You know when the last time the Cubs won a pennant.

You don’t pronounce the “s” at the end of Illinois. You become irate at people who do

You measure distance in minutes (especially “from the city”). And you swear everything is pretty much 15 minutes away

You know what goes on a Chicago Style Hot Dog

You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is

You understand what “lake-effect” means

You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpet!*

You wear gym shoes, not sneakers.

~You Know You’re From Indiana When…

You drive for three hours and the scenery outside doesn’t change.

There’s three feet of snow on the ground and school is still in session.

While driving all you see is corn.

People still have Christmas decorations up at Easter.

There really is more than corn in Indiana. There’s soybeans, too.

You’re proud to be called a Hoosier, even if you don’t know what one is.

You have no problem spelling or pronouncing “Terre Haute”

“Getting caught by a train” is a legitimate excuse for being late to school.

You know what FFA and 4H stand for.

There’s actually a college near you named “Ball State.”

* I actually do, how sad is that! lol (588)2300EMPIRE


I’ve been doing this blog for a year now, woo hoo! *smile* It’s amazing to me how much I’ve done and how much my life has changed in the past year. I’ve visited several different countries. Become (basically) fluent in another language. Met tons of amazing, fun and interesting people and a couple that weren’t so great, hehe. I’ve eaten all sorts of weird and delicious things and done some pretty crazy stuff…It’s been an absolutely wonderful year and I wouldn’t trade my experience for anything. In about a month from now my time as an au pair will end but I’m extremely excited about the coming year and the many fun blogs that will come out of it *smile*

December Ninth

I bought my plane ticket last night. It’s really official, I’m going back to the good ol’ U.S. of A. I’ve had such a wonderfully amazing time here. I’ve met many new people, seen so many new things and learned an unbelievable amount of stuff about myself and the world. I’ve grown so much over the past year and a half and I wouldn’t trade this experience I had for anything. I’m now moving on to the next phase of my life which I’m VERY excited about as well. So yeah, that’s my big news. For all my Holland people, I will miss each and every one of you very much. Those state side, I can’t wait to see you all. Look out here I come!

Play Place Fun

Joel and I took the kids to an indoor place play the other day and had a blast.

grrr, tough guys!

The best thing about kids is you get to play like you are one and nobody thinks twice, *hehe*

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