Motivation is a tricky thing. One minute it’s there and the next it’s gone. Sometimes something that motivates me one day has no effect on me the next day, or even just the next minute. Why is it so hard for me to get and stay motivated? There are things that I want to accomplish in any given day but it’s always a toss up whether I can pull my butt off the couch and actually get those things done. It generally goes something like this:

Get out of bed.

Hm, laundry is piling up. I better do that today.

Well, I better eat first.

Grab breakfast.

Eating breakfast is boring. I’ll just put on an episode of a show while I eat.

Start show.

It obviously doesn’t take me the entire show to eat.

Do I pause my show when I’m done eating so I can start my laundry? Uh no.

Show ends.

Ah man, cliffhanger. I have to watch the next episode now.

Start another episode.

Joel comes home for lunch.

Pause episode.

I don’t want to waste time with Joel doing laundry. I’ll start it when he leaves.

Joel goes back to work.

I’ll start the laundry now. Oh wait, I never finished the episode. I’ll just finish it first really quick.

Sit back down on couch.

Start reading blogs.

Episode finishes.

I’m not finished reading these blogs. I’ll just put another episode on while I finish.

And so on…

All of the sudden the day is gone, I never did anything productive and I’m wondering where the time went.

It’s not always laundry. Sometimes it’s working out, running errands, cleaning the house or any number of other things I want to get done in a day. It’s not always my shows. There are a million other stupid little things I find to do to keep me from doing what I need to get done. There are days I get a lot done. It’s usually all or nothing. If motivation strikes I am a getting-stuff-done machine. I just have to wait for it and some days it may as well be lightning because there’s a one in a zillion chance of it striking me.

Thing is, I’m sick of it. I’m sick of feeling guilty because I did nothing all day. Again. I’m sick of rushing around like a mad woman because I need something that’s not clean or my house is a mess and someone is coming over in five minutes, aaaah! I’m sick of my clothes not fitting like I want because I didn’t go to the gym again. I’m sick of my couch having a dent in it the exact shape of my butt. I want to get more done every day. I want to cook and clean more and not only when I’m having people over. I want to be in shape. I want to feel like a productive member of society. I’m just not sure how sick of it I have to be before it motivates me to change. I’m the queen of procrastination and I’m over it. I just have to find that thing that motivates me. I’m not sure exactly what it is.

Maybe I have a brain defect in which I can only do things when it’s an omg, we’re going to be late and AH! It has to be done right. now. or someone will diiiiie! situation. It’s an illness I swear. Or at least I wish it was. Then there would be a pill for it. Wait. Is there a pill for this? Because I would pay a ridiculous amount of money to cure my chronic “procrastinitis.”

*sigh* That would be nice, wouldn’t it? But I’m guessing it won’t be that easy. It’s something I’ve struggled with my entire life. I work really well with a deadline. If something bad will happen if I don’t get something done, you better believe I get it done. I was great in school and at work. Anything that was due I got it done on time, if not early. I’m very motivated by not disappointing other people. Disappointing myself is somehow not the same. If there aren’t any consequences or the only person I’m failing is me… your guess is as good as mine if I’ll work up the motivation to do it or not.

Maybe my problem is waiting around for motivation. I just need to do things whether I want to or not. That is easier said than done of course. What motivates you? I seriously need help. Because if I don’t change things soon this dent in my couch will be permanent. And we cannot afford a new couch right now.