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Tag: tired

No time

It’s been so long since I truly didn’t have time for things. No time to read books I want to read. No time to catch up on my shows. No time to read and comment on all the blogs that I love.

No time.

Well, ok not no time. But I would have to give up other things. Like spending time with friends. Or sleeping.

Those are things that I’m not giving up.

So for all intents and purposes, I have no time.

It’s weird for me.

I can’t remember a time in my life when I had no time. In The Netherlands I had plenty of time for internet and books and shows. Obviously the kids kept me busy but I always had evenings free plus three days off a week. Then I had basically part time jobs until I got a job as a flight attendant.

As a flight attendant? It felt like I had nothing but spare time. I spent a ton of time “working” but let’s face it, even on the airplane I had time to sit and read a book or whatever.

Then there were layovers. Often on my layovers I went out and explored the town or hung out with coworkers. I wanted to soak in every second of that job. However, if you’re staying in an airport hotel with nothing around for the 8th time in 2 months…. you run out of things to do outside your hotel room so it leaves plenty of time for books and blogs.

Add into that having 11 guaranteed days off a month plus not flying every single day I was on call? Sometimes I felt like the laziest person alive. I wasn’t.

Until I got furloughed. Then I was definitely the laziest person alive. I would go days without ever seeing the outdoors. Pajamas were my uniform and I would find myself on Hulu watching absolute crap because I had no more blogs to read or shows to watch.

Really truly pathetic.

Now I have this job. And I. love. it. It keeps me on my toes and challenges me. There are always problems to solve and when I turn a near disaster into a success? Well, there’s nothing quite like the rush it gives me.

But, I’m left with a choice between reading a book that I really love (or at least I really love so far. I’ve barely begun it) or sleep? I’m probably going to choose sleep.

And when I say probably I mean pretty definitely.

I love sleep. We’ve established this.

What I’m trying to say is, I’m an awful blog friend lately. I barely even check Twitter anymore, much less post. I read as many blog posts as I can but I rarely comment. I hate that. I have things to say, really, I just am trying to squeeze as much into a short period of time as possible.

So I’m totally lame and have no time to do a lot of the things that I’ve loved and gotten used to over the past couple of years. I think it’s probably a good thing. I haven’t felt this fulfilled since I stopped flying. I certainly have never felt this productive, possibly ever.

I’m sure a balance will come soon. Already things run a million times smoother than they did before. Until then I’ll treasure ever second of sleep and down time I get.

Speaking of sleep, I have a nice warm bed and handsome husband calling my name right now.

Pointless Ramblings

I’ve had a long couple of days at work. Or weeks. Or months. Whatever I’m tired.

Being tired makes me much less inspired when it comes to blogging. I have no stories.

No, that’s not true. I have a million stories but not one I can put on a public blog.

I have no funny videos. I have some cute pictures but I’m saving them for Wednesday. So basically I’m idea-less. Fun.

When that happens I try to go through my archives and find something I started and never finished. Often that little bit of inspiration makes writing much easier. Sometimes I even get a completely different idea out of reading through a couple half finished posts.

This time however I noticed a trend. It’s a trend that I’m not sure is a good one. The trend is sad. All these half finished posts are depressing and that’s why I didn’t finish them. See, “real” people read this blog. When I say real I mean people I actually see face to face on a semi regular basis. This makes it hard for me to pour my guts out on here. Yesterday’s post was just a glimpse of what’s been churning under the surface for awhile now. I was thisclose to not hitting publish. And several times since I’ve been thisclose to taking it down.

The sad thing is, it’s not even that deep of a post I don’t think. Not compared to some of the amazing blogs I read. It’s not everything I wanted to say. I hate reading vague statuses and posts. That’s all I feel like I publish anymore.

I think part of it is because I’m so tired. It’s harder for me to laugh things off when I’m so tired I could cry. I really enjoy my job, especially since it’s grown so much over the last several weeks. It’s exciting. It’s also exhausting. It’s mostly mental exhaustion.

It’s biting my tongue when I want to talk.

It’s finding a balance between friendship and getting shit done.

I want to be a good manager. I also want to keep the friendships I’ve started. I’m afraid I can’t do both. Not that I’m awesome at keeping friends anyway…

I need to get back into acting. Or dancing. Or taekwondo…. Or something that allows me to be incredibly physical in my stress relief. I mean, being married does offer some activities that are good for that…. but, you know, mixing things up a bit.

Or something.

So basically I’ve just rambled for 400 words or so. And…. I’m not sure where all these words have gotten me exactly. I guess to the conclusion that I need to take a class.

Or start an anonymous blog…. who’s with me?

Brain spillage

Today was a good day. Overall anyway.

Actually, for a good portion Joel and I fought. A lot.

We’re alike in many ways but sometimes the ways that we are different irritate the crap out of both of us. I guess that’s called marriage, huh?

The thing is, I am not always ready on time. I’m very rarely late to things but that’s because I have getting-ready-at-the-last-second-because-how-did-it-get-to-be-that-time-already-ohmygaaah-I’m-going-to-be-late down to an art form. And then I’m not late. But I cut it very close.

Joel, on the other hand, would just as soon be somewhere an hour early. For no reason whatsoever. I mean, why would you get somewhere an hour early when you could have spent that hour sleeping? Why?!

As you can imagine this causes quite a few fights. Because he’s all huffy and tense that I’m not ready on time an hour and a half early. Then I get annoyed at the sighs and the “casual” mentions of the time and the standing at the door with coat and shoes on while I’m still in the bathroom drying my hair.

::sigh::

It’s the way we were raised. His family was always painfully early to things. Mine was always embarrassingly late. Neither is the ideal obviously. But we’re both pretty stuck in our ways. Me because I enjoy sleep way more than is probably healthy and Joel because he likes to eliminate even the possibility of the possibility of stress.

So, I was ready about 45 minutes after we agreed on. We weren’t in any danger of missing our appointment but it caused some tense words. For a decent amount of time.

Then? We both took deep breaths, apologized for being ridiculous (because we both so were) told each other how much we loved each other and moved on.

I believe the best quality we both posses is the ability to forgive quickly and easily. I’m positive we wouldn’t be together still otherwise. We’re both too dramatic for it to work out any other way.

Thankfully, by the time we parked downtown we had kissed and made up and were back to being ridiculously in love again. We grabbed some Intelligentsia (which, not even going to lie, those baristas make waaaay better coffee than me. I have a lot of practicing to do) and were still 30 minutes early for our appointment.

(Not going to say I told you so. Not. going. to. say. it.)

Oh right, the appointment. We turned in our applications for our Indian visas. Which makes this whole trip start to seem very real. I’m not going to get truly excited until we actually have the visas issued though. And plane tickets purchased. Although a very exciting offer was made that if it works out would mean we won’t have to mess with flying standby. Which would be AHmazing. We’ll see. I’ll definitely keep you all updated.

At the application office there was a lady who tried to apply but wasn’t able to because she didn’t have a birth certificate. Her and another women we were waiting in line with us and were talking about how excited they were about the trip. The look on her face when the lady told her her naturalization papers weren’t acceptable was heartbreaking. She was born out of the country. She had no way to get any kind of other paperwork. What she had the Indian consulate would not accept. It’s unclear if there’s any way around the issue. Her friend applied for her own visa while she just sat in a chair wide eyed and sad. I wanted to hug her. I hope she finds a way to fix the problem. I hope this doesn’t mean she can never travel to India. I guess I’ll never know.

So, my nervous excitement was dampened just a little by that poor woman’s problem. Just a little though.

Because oh my goodness I just applied for an Indian visa.

Since we were already downtown we decided to use our Living Social deal that we got to see Avatar at Navy Pier’s IMAX theater. The movie was fine (we’d both already seen it) but the best part was just being downtown. It was so unbelievably gorgeous today. Just perfect weather and bright blue skies and…. ah I love Chicago. As soon as we get a decent camera I plan on spending a day downtown trying to capture my city’s essence. It won’t be possible of course but I’m going to try as hard as I can.

Chicago is just amazing.

I wish we could have spent the whole day downtown wandering around and enjoying the perfect day but since I have to wake up at 4am we headed back home after the movie. Why don’t I live downtown again? Oh right. Stupid money. Bah.

Aaaand, that was my day. I’d say the title was pretty accurate. This post was just my thoughts pouring out of my head filterless. And now that my brain has emptied itself onto this page I’m feeling very sleepy.

Which is perfect because now that I work so early in the mornings I have the bed time of a three year old.

First world problems

I got a super short night of sleep last night. Thankfully it was longer than originally scheduled. I left work around 11:45pm (an hour and 15 mins later than scheduled. Stupid last minute rush that made me tips so never mind.)

On the original schedule I was supposed to be at work at 4:30 the next morning. Not the shortest night of sleep I’ve ever had but dang.

Also, yuck.

Thank god my manager is a nice person and that was a scheduling mistake not a purposeful attempt to make coffee essential to my survival. I didn’t complain about it because I know we’re kind of short staffed and didn’t want to be a whiner. She actually realized it and went out of her way to find someone to switch with me. She actually told me it woke her up in the middle of the night. This made me laugh because 1. Aw, that’s nice and 2. I would so do something like that.

My switch wasn’t too much later though. I still had to be back at work at 6:30am. So a short night but more reasonable than the nap I was going to be stuck with before.

With four hours of sleep and a “taste test” of the espresso shots I was fairly functional. What? We definitely have to do that. So what if the girl who actually opened already had done it. It needed to be done.

Shut up.

We weren’t super busy either so I didn’t have too many opportunities to spill hot coffee all over anyone. I get clumsy when I’m sleepy.

I did get called stupid though which is always fun. Math isn’t my strong point in the first place. When I’ve had very little sleep? Bah. So yeah, the receipt paper ran out and I accidentally put the wrong type of paper in the machine. That meant nothing printed out and I hadn’t noticed the change that was due. Whenever these things happen? I panic. I can do math. Adding, subtracting, multiplying… I can do it. When I panic however? It’s much harder.

I took a breath to try and figure it out (I had to remember the price too) and tried to make a joke about it being early. Instead of laughing the lady was all “No, it’s just your generation. You’re useless without computers.” She then proceeded to tell me the change she was due.

Whatever lady. Psh. I know I’m not stupid but it’s cool if you think so. Super speedy math skills is not the only sign of intelligence. At least I can write good.*

Everyone else was super nice and I even was taught a new drink by a customer. Obviously I don’t know how to make all coffee drinks but if someone can tell me what goes in a drink I can totally try to make it. The drink was a Cuban which is a double shot of espresso extracted with raw sugar. So yummy.

Bonus: Naturally I had to try this new drink. Because obviously.

One of the owners came in later in the morning and ordered a coffee. Until they figure out something different the policy is that everyone pays for everything from the store. It’s definitely weird charging the owner for a cup of coffee but whatever, there’s no confusion then.

As he was paying he was pulling money out of his pockets and putting it on the counter while complaining about carrying around way too much change.

Ok, now I don’t know about you, but when I feel like I have “too much change” that generally means too many pennies and nickels. Maybe dimes. Quarters and up? I’ve never felt I had too much. Maybe that’s just me.

Anyway, the change the owner was pulling out of his pockets mostly consisted of quarters and dollars. And a ten dollar bill. All this change of which there was just too much? He proceeded to dump into our tip jar. It was like twelve-fifteen dollars, people!

I’m not sure if I was clear about the fact that there was a ten dollar bill.

I wasn’t sure if he was serious but yep, he totally was. He laughed about it and then I made some awkward joke about wishing I had the problem of my pockets being too full of money. Tough life.

So yeah, I take this as a sign the store is doing well. The owners are walking around weighted down with annoying little ten dollar bills they have to get rid of.

Like I said, first world problems.

*Yes, I know that’s bad grammar. Irony people.

Baby talk

It was the grand opening at the store today. We were so slammed with business it was hard to keep up. Now I’m dead tired. Like, can barely keep my eyes open to type tired. It was great that the store was so busy but it was hard work.

Anyway, I cannot stay coherent enough to type out a full post. Instead, here’s a hilarious reminder that toddlers? Mimic everything.

Made me giggle.

Un-lazifying

Wow, after not working for almost a year going back to work is tiring. The worst part? I haven’t even really started working yet. We had training again today and possibly more tomorrow and Wednesday. Then again, maybe not. Everything is so up in the air. I hear a lot of “I have no idea” which is understandable but frustrating to everyone involved. I try to make plans only to cancel them a little later because it looks like I might work. Then I don’t have to work and it’s too late.

Ha, ironically it sounds like I’m describing my job as a flight attendant. The major difference was, I knew my on call days more than a month in advance. In this instance I feel like I’ve been living in limbo since mid-May. I’m flexible, I get how hard this is for everyone but man, I can’t wait until things calm down a bit. At least everyone seems really nice still and I have a lot of fun while I’m there.

The only big bummer about this job is that it’s definitely going to cut way down on my Twitter time. I miss my Twitter friends already. I’m sure I’ll work out a balance eventually though. I’m definitely not giving up Twitter altogether. Just during working hours.

Anyway, the main point of this post is I’m exhausted. I worked two days in a row and as soon as I got home I wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep. Apparently spending a year in your pjs, on the couch twittering does nothing for your endurance. Who knew? The good news is, maybe after several weeks of being active and on my feet my clothes will actually start fitting again. Wouldn’t that be nice.

It didn’t help at all that I was up at least five times in a panic that I’d overslept. I even went to bed earlier than normal so I thought I’d wake up rested but noooo. I’d wake up, look at my phone to check the time and stare at it until my eyes weren’t blurry and I could actually read the display. Then I’d sit there wondering what I had to do and why I was awake and ask myself what time I had to be where. It was awful. Normally that only happens to me if I go to bed way too late and have to get up super early. Oh well.

Despite the tiredness I’m just so happy about being useful again. I’m excited to actually start paying off our debt and finally start saving money again. I’m sick of the drowning feeling I always have about 4 days before payday. It would be so nice to actually be able to do nice things without feeling insanely guilty about it. I hate money.

I’d love to write more but my lazy body is trying to shut down so I’m going to let it. Night!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program…

I know you all were expecting more Holland stories/ pictures. However, I spent more than 16 hours moving to a new apartment today and I am dead.

Plus, they aren’t installing Internet at our new place until Tuesday. Thank God for my iPhone, right? Otherwise I’m kind of living in the dark ages over here. Well, the dark ages with air conditioning.

I’m also buried beneath a pile of boxes. We seriously have a path from one room to the other but otherwise our apartment is filled with boxes and other crap. Every time we move I wonder where the heck we got all this junk. Seriously.

Anyway all this to say I won’t be posting about Holland today. I’m blogging from my iPhone which doesn’t have any of my pictures on it. It’s also not good for substantial stories. Besides, I’m basically brain dead after the million loads I carried up three flights of stairs.

I may go back to the old place and use the Internet there until we get ours hooked up at the new place. I’m not really sure though. Obviously I’ll still post tomorrow, just not sure what it’ll be about exactly. Right now I’m going to try to con Joel into giving me a foot massage while I pass out. Night!

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