Childfree days

I look forward to having kids, I really do. However, after weekends like these I feel like I won’t mind putting it off just a while longer. This weekend my days went like this:

Thursday-

Stayed out and had a few drinks with coworkers. Lots of laughing and talking. Good times.

Friday-

2am finally collapse into bed

10am wake up, grab a bowl of cereal and hop back into bed while I poke around the internet on Twitter and such.

11am catch up on a few tv shows I missed over the week. Fight with CW.com’s online player. Stupid CW.

1pm feeling sleepy. Decide to lie down for a bit and take a nap before work.

3pm wake up feeling drugged. Must. shower. before. work.

3:30pm leave for work

11pm off work. Back to fooling around on the internet. In bed by 12am(ish).

Saturday-

10am wake up, starving. Joel is not up yet so I move around a lot and “accidentally” bump into him.

10:30am release Phoebe on him. “oops”

11am make pancakes with apple butter. So freaking delicious.

12pm big breakfast made me sleepy. Decide to lie down for a nap. Enjoy some heavenly cuddles with Joel and the puppy.

2pm up for work. Thankfully don’t feel so drugged this time.

3:30pm leave for work.

10pm done with work. Joel and I run to Blockbuster to exchange our movie mailers for free in store rentals.

11pm munch on a caramel apple and watch two really lame movies. Still fun to cuddle on the couch though. In bed by around 2:30am.

Sunday-

7am kiss Joel goodbye. He has to work. Lame.

12pm Joel gets home from work. This wakes me up. Nice.

1pm catch up with my mom and some others on the phone. Shower, get dressed and decide to go to a movie.

3:20pm Watch Devil. Not too bad but the clueless girls in the theater? Hilarious. Hearing them gasp as they got it ages after the movie made things obvious made Joel and I laugh hysterically.

6pm dinner. Possibly another movie but most likely we’ll just head to bed soon since I have to wake up at 3am for work.

I know that having kids has it’s rewards but the thought of giving up lovely lazy weekends like this is not something I’m ready to rush into.

Yet keeps moving

One question I get asked a lot is “When are you going to start having kids?” Is it just me or is that basically asking about my sex life? Like, why don’t you just ask what positions are our favorites? Or what kind of birth control we use. Or how often we do it.

While I wish I had the nerve to come back with “I’m not sure. So how’s your sex life?” I generally say something along the lines of  “We want kids eventually. We’re just not ready. Yet.”

When Joel and I got married we knew we didn’t want kids right away. We wanted time to really get to know each other better. To laze around the house in all states of undress. To go on a weekend trip on a moments notice. Basically we wanted time to be a fun, young married couple. We said we wanted to wait three to five years.

We’ve been married almost four and a half years.

Ho. ly. crap.

I love, love, love kids.  However, if I’m being totally honest I love kids less now than I did in my late teens and early earlier 20’s. Don’t get me wrong. The little kids in my life? Adorable. Love them to death. Can’t imagine my life without them. But there’s always the option to send them to their mother when I don’t want to deal with them.

What will it be like when I’m the mother?

Freaky.

Then there’s the whole sleep issue. When I don’t get enough sleep? Frankly, I’m kind of a bitch. What if I can’t handle the lack of sleep?

What if I don’t like my kid?

I love my freedom. I love having days of doing absolutely nothing at all. Once I’m a mom that’s gone, mostly likely forever.

Am I ready to give that up?

Will I ever be?

Anyway, this is on my mind lately. I definitely want kids. In fact, I kind of want a lot of kids. Now that I’m grown up and close to my siblings I want to give my children the same kind of experience. I’m pretty sure I don’t want 8 like my dad but definitely more than 2.

Actually, I’ve joked that we’ll just keep having kids until we get a bad one. Then we’ll stop.

I’m mostly kidding.

But seriously, I’m scared of having a colicky or difficult baby. Or getting postpartum depression.

I’m really scared that I’ll be a bad mom.

I’m so selfish. Not just sometimes. Most of the time. Growing a baby doesn’t magically change your personality does it?

I mean, even now I get so hurt and frustrated when my mom doesn’t have time for me. I hate not being able to get a hold of her. I’m twenty-freaking-four. Once you’re a mom, you’re always and forever a mom.

I’m just not sure when I’ll ever be ready to go from Me to Mom.

Since we hit that magic we’ve-been-married-for-three-years milestone we keep setting future dates to start trying. When the date comes we get cold feet and push it off further. There’s just so much I want to do.

I want to:

• run a marathon
• pay off our credit cards
• buy a house
• have some money in savings
• get sexy pictures taken of me so I remember my awesome pre baby body
• get in shape enough to where I feel like I have an awesome pre baby body

And ya know, a million other things that always seem to come up. I just don’t know if there will ever be a time that feels like it’s right. I’m afraid if I just keep waiting around to be ready it’s never going to happen.

Someone please tell me how you knew that you were ready. Did you wish you would have waited longer? Not waited as long?

It’s worth it right?

I want to be a young, fun mom. I just keep saying I’m not ready yet. But yet? Just keeps moving.

The one with the lobster

Tomorrow is the grand opening of the store. Pretty exciting. That meant that today the store was closed in preparation. We had a meeting in the morning and, since I was scheduled to work anyway, I stuck around to help out with things.

I made sure the bar was stocked and ready to go which was about all that needed to be done in that area of the store. The kitchen however had tons to do.

I have probably mentioned before that I’m not much of a cook. Plus? A cashier had been chopping carrots the night before and ended up with stitches and a thumb wrapped up like a cartoon character. Yipes. At least it wasn’t her pinky toe.*

I’m pretty confident with my knife wielding abilities (I did sell them after all) but I think the entire store would like to keep all cashiers and servers away from sharp objects for awhile.

Instead I was taught how to make the ganosh we use in our mocha drinks. Not sure why fire is better than blades but whatever. I survived. Actually making ganosh? Surprisingly easy. We make so much of what we serve in house. It fascinates me.

Not sure why that is so fascinating to me exactly.

I’m easily amused. But that’s a good thing right?

Hush.

After ganosh making I was assigned to plucking herbs for the salads. Brainless work but fun because another barista was doing it with me. We chatted and giggled and had more fun picking through leaves than I would have thought was possible.

Side note: Do you know how freaking long it takes to pick apart and fill up a container with dill? Way freaking long. Seriously, once off the stem, dill has no volume. I worked forever and it looked like I’d just been standing there. Although maybe I was just standing there. I was having an awfully good time chatting.

Anyway, while we were standing there along comes a chef with a lobster. They have lobster dishes on the menu but I didn’t really think about it.

Until the thing moved.

It was still alive.

Now I know, I know, that’s how they’re best and everything but this one looked at me.

And then the chef started petting it’s head to “make it relax”. It’s little eyes rolled around and it stopped flailing and started to look comfortable. It was like a cockroach looking dog. I have never felt so sad for something so delicious in my life.

Then cruuunnnch

And little lobster friend got a knife right through his head.

And what did I, as a rational adult do?

I freaking cried.

No joke.

Thankfully everyone was too busy with their tasks, my friend plucking mint and the chef ripping the still kicking lobster to bits, to notice.

But yeah, I cried over a stupid lobster, from which they’re planning on making lobster egg roll things. Those egg rolls sounded so incredibly delicious. I used to want to try one.

Now I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to pass on it.

If I saw all my food um… prepared? I would definitely be a vegetarian.

Meat is just so freaking yummy.

And I? Am a giant hypocrite.

*name that episode!

Wordless Wednesdays: Painting Fashion

Alternate title: Sorry boys, I’m taken

Running Between Tweets

You all know I’ve talked about doing C25K several times. I started right before I got my wisdom teeth out which was duuumb because I had to stop a week into it. I’ve meant to start several times since then but since I’m the queen of procrastination I haven’t gotten around to it.

The procrastination is officially over. Why? Because I have a group of fabulous Twitter friends to kick my butt into gear. For real this time. In order to keep each other accountable we’ve started Running Between Tweets. It’s a compilation blog so we can all chart our journeys together.

The site is very much a work in progress. As are most things I do, it was done on an impulse. I will constantly be updating and changing it. The point right now is we’re motivated and ready to go. No putting it off any longer.

I’ll be blogging along side some really amazing bloggers (which, I’m not going to lie, intimidates me a little) so this journey should be interesting. I hope you’re excited as I am. Running starts tomorrow