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Tag: prenatal

“Bigger than average”

Wesley-40-Weeks-Plus-5-Days-Photos-6

We had a biophysical profile ultrasound today. Fluids are good, blood flow is good and he is head down and in an anterior position. Yay.

The tech started the ultrasound by saying, “Oh wow, you don’t have much fluid in there.” and of course my stomach dropped out of my body. Then she poked around and, ya know, actually measured the fluid while I tried not to cry or panic. She then said there was a lot more fluid in there than she thought.

So thanks for the heart attack. Jerk.

Wesley was super stubborn and despite making my stomach jump and bounce all over the place in the waiting room he decided to take a snooze during the actual ultrasound. One of the things they have to look at is movement so she was poking him and shaking him and he would. not. move. I finally asked Joel to talk to him and sure enough, he kicked a few times. Baby boy loves his daddy’s voice.

Wesley-40-Weeks-Plus-5-Days-Photos-2

One thing he would not do was move was his hand away from his face though. So we got a little glimpse of his nose and mouth but that’s it. Every single ultrasound his hands have been up by his head. It’s kind of adorable but I really hope he moves those little hands for the delivery because, no matter how tiny his hands are, I don’t want them to try to fit through me with his head. Ugh.

Also, they estimate he’s 8lbs 2oz. In the words of the doctor he’s “a little bigger than average.”

And yeah, I know the measurements are not generally all that accurate but I’m still kind of freaking my freak over here. Because the measurements can be wrong the other way too. As in, he might be bigger than 8lbs. And he is not coming out yet. And he’s just getting bigger every minute he stays in me.

Excuse me while I faint.

It’s probably a good thing for my sanity that I go to such a laid back OB/midwife practice. Seriously, one visit to a high risk office where they tell me “He’s going to come out all dried out and wrinkled” and, when I tell them I haven’t been contracting much and the ones I have aren’t really uncomfortable, they say “well that’s not going to do anything at all” and it spirals me into an emotional hole.

Yesterday I was all zen. Today I spent most of the day ugly crying and terrified of pushing out a giant baby with a nuchal hand. It was not pretty.

Wesley-40-Weeks-Plus-5-Days-Photos-4

I had a bit of an epiphany earlier this evening and realized why all the advice for starting labor was getting to me so much. I know that the people who give it are trying to be nice and helpful. I’m definitely not mad at anyone for trying to help. It’s just, when people say “try x or y” it makes me feel like I’m not doing enough to get this baby out. Like, if I would have drank more tea or taken more supplements or walked further or had more sex or… or… or… he’d be here already. If I could just find the thing to do or do the thing enough I’d be holding my baby. Every moment I spend lying on the couch feels like I’m failing, even if the reason I’m lying down is because I feel like my pelvis is going to rip in half if I take one more step.

You would think that hearing that my baby is healthy and there are no issues would put me in a great mood. And yet somehow I left that appointment feeling completely terrified, defeated and like a failure. I’m really thankful for my friends on Facebook because they helped talk me down from my hysterics. I’m also thankful for my husband because he really does his best to stay calm and take my roller coaster of emotions in stride.

I know it’s not my fault he’s not here yet. Now if only I could get what I know and what I feel to match.

“Bigger than average”

Wesley-40-Weeks-Plus-5-Days-Photos-6

We had a biophysical profile ultrasound today. Fluids are good, blood flow is good and he is head down and in an anterior position. Yay.

The tech started the ultrasound by saying, “Oh wow, you don’t have much fluid in there.” and of course my stomach dropped out of my body. Then she poked around and, ya know, actually measured the fluid while I tried not to cry or panic. She then said there was a lot more fluid in there than she thought.

So thanks for the heart attack. Jerk.

Wesley was super stubborn and despite making my stomach jump and bounce all over the place in the waiting room he decided to take a snooze during the actual ultrasound. One of the things they have to look at is movement so she was poking him and shaking him and he would. not. move. I finally asked Joel to talk to him and sure enough, he kicked a few times. Baby boy loves his daddy’s voice.

Wesley-40-Weeks-Plus-5-Days-Photos-2

One thing he would not do was move was his hand away from his face though. So we got a little glimpse of his nose and mouth but that’s it. Every single ultrasound his hands have been up by his head. It’s kind of adorable but I really hope he moves those little hands for the delivery because, no matter how tiny his hands are, I don’t want them to try to fit through me with his head. Ugh.

Also, they estimate he’s 8lbs 2oz. In the words of the doctor he’s “a little bigger than average.”

And yeah, I know the measurements are not generally all that accurate but I’m still kind of freaking my freak over here. Because the measurements can be wrong the other way too. As in, he might be bigger than 8lbs. And he is not coming out yet. And he’s just getting bigger every minute he stays in me.

Excuse me while I faint.

It’s probably a good thing for my sanity that I go to such a laid back OB/midwife practice. Seriously, one visit to a high risk office where they tell me “He’s going to come out all dried out and wrinkled” and, when I tell them I haven’t been contracting much and the ones I have aren’t really uncomfortable, they say “well that’s not going to do anything at all” and it spirals me into an emotional hole.

Yesterday I was all zen. Today I spent most of the day ugly crying and terrified of pushing out a giant baby with a nuchal hand. It was not pretty.

Wesley-40-Weeks-Plus-5-Days-Photos-4

I had a bit of an epiphany earlier this evening and realized why all the advice for starting labor was getting to me so much. I know that the people who give it are trying to be nice and helpful. I’m definitely not mad at anyone for trying to help. It’s just, when people say “try x or y” it makes me feel like I’m not doing enough to get this baby out. Like, if I would have drank more tea or taken more supplements or walked further or had more sex or… or… or… he’d be here already. If I could just find the thing to do or do the thing enough I’d be holding my baby. Every moment I spend lying on the couch feels like I’m failing, even if the reason I’m lying down is because I feel like my pelvis is going to rip in half if I take one more step.

You would think that hearing that my baby is healthy and there are no issues would put me in a great mood. And yet somehow I left that appointment feeling completely terrified, defeated and like a failure. I’m really thankful for my friends on Facebook because they helped talk me down from my hysterics. I’m also thankful for my husband because he really does his best to stay calm and take my roller coaster of emotions in stride.

I know it’s not my fault he’s not here yet. Now if only I could get what I know and what I feel to match.

40 weeks

Hi due date!

40weeksbelly

We made it to 40 weeks.

I picked this shirt for my 40 week picture on purpose because I thought it might be fun to see how accurate those belly pillows are at Motherhood. If you follow me on Instagram you may remember when I posted this:

compare1

I was 25 weeks at the time and the belly was supposed to add three months.

compare25vs40

And three and half months later? It’s not too far off actually. Thankfully my actual belly looks less like a lumpy pillow.

Anyway, on to pregnancy news. Obviously Wesley decided to be an individual and not come on the 17th. That’s okay, at this point I’m happy with any birth day he chooses.

Any.

Hear that, Wesley?

Obviously I’d prefer it be sooner rather than later.

This morning was rough. I woke up feeling like crap. Thinking maybe I just needed to eat, I had breakfast… and proceeded to see it in reverse. Ugh. Seriously, at 40 weeks I should not still be suffering from morning sickness. My body is a cruel, cruel bitch sometimes.

So of course after that I had a massive meltdown. I texted Joel that he needed to come home right now (as opposed to in ten minutes when he was planning on leaving to pick me up for our appointment.) I’m sure he probably thought I was in labor. Oops, sorry babe. Anyway, he calmed me down and assured me that I would not in fact be pregnant and nauseated forever and we managed to make it into our appointment on time.

Thankfully the appointment went great. I had a non stress test and found out I was actually having contractions. Who knew? I couldn’t feel them but apparently they were there. Wesley tolerated them great and was wiggling and kicking up a storm. Pretty sure he wasn’t a fan of the pressure the belts put on my belly because he kept kicking right on them.

NST

Ignore my puffy eyes. That’s what a hysterical meltdown right before an appointment gets you.

The midwife asked if I wanted to be checked and I decided to go ahead and find out. (Yes, I’m about to talk about my cervix so if that’s not your thing move on to the next paragraph.) I honestly didn’t expect to be dilated at all and to get super discouraged but I just needed to know. Thankfully it was great news! The first thing she said was that she can feel his head. He’s apparently really low, like 0 or even -1 station. I guess that’s why it feels like he’s taking a pair of scissors to my cervix half the time, he is IN my pelvis. I’m also dilated to 3cm, and 60% effaced. Apparently that’s really good for a first time mom. happy dance. She asked if I wanted her to sweep my membranes and since I’m already a bit dilated I said sure. It was uncomfortable for sure but honestly not worse than Wesley’s head banging against it all day. I’ve noticed some of my mucous plug now since I’ve gone to the restroom a couple times. Being excited about seeing mucus when you wipe has to be the weirdest thing ever but if I hadn’t been in a public restroom I may have shouted Woo Hoo! out loud. Pregnancy is so glamorous you guys.

All of that may not mean that he’s coming in the next day or two but at least there is something going on. We didn’t discuss induction or anything, I’m just coming back to be monitored every three days or so and if I make it to 41 weeks (oh god, please no) we’ll do a sonogram to make sure everything still looks okay. It’s really great to have care providers that aren’t rushing me. I know that isn’t always the case and it’s great to feel respected and well taken care of.

So we wait. It’s so annoying being in this limbo. I feel like I can’t make any plans because who knows if the baby will be here or coming or whatever. I’m trying to still enjoy this down time. Joel and I have been doing a lot of cuddling and watching movies and just being quiet. I’ve gotten some video clips of Wesley moving around my belly. I miss Phoebe like mad and I can’t wait to meet Wesley but I really am trying to appreciate these last few moments with just Joel. So soon everything will be completely different.

39 Weeks

39weeksbelly

This is my last weekly update before my due date.

Wait, what now?

Could be my last weekly update period if this kid decides to follow in his mom and dad’s footsteps and be born on a 17th. I’ve been discussing it with Wesley and telling him Sunday is his birthday so he better not miss it. St. Patrick’s Day would be a pretty freaking cool birthday. Plus, my favorite midwife is on call this weekend. Not that I mind who catches him that much, we’ve just seen her the most so it would be cool to have her at the birth.

It’s fine if he picks another birthday. I mean obviously.

I would prefer it be sooner rather than later. But also it would be nice if he waits until at least after this weekend because Joel has his dad-chelor party tomorrow. It’s also my nephew’s birthday Saturday and it would be really cool if my little guy could have his own day. Not to mention my nephew would probably be pretty bummed if everyone got pulled away from his party because I was in labor.

So basically I have a lot of opinions about when he comes. Which means he will likely come exactly when I don’t want him to.

Such is life.

We had another uneventful appointment yesterday where Joel captured this,

doppler

which has to be one of my favorite shots of all time. I will never get sick of hearing Wesley’s beautiful healthy heartbeat.

She didn’t check me for dilation again and I’m totally fine with that. If I’m not dilated at all I’ll just be bummed and if I am it could give me a false sense of when things might start happening. There is a tiny bit of me that is curious but not enough to request a check. She didn’t mention if I would get checked at my next appointment (which is on my due date, eek!).

Other than the good appointment, yesterday was a tough day. I woke up, took a shower and promptly puked my guts out. It was a nice little flashback into the first trimester. I remained horrendously nauseated all day, to the point where I couldn’t pull it together enough to go to dance. That was really upsetting, especially since my studio is now on break for the next two weeks. So I guess my pregnant dancing days are over. Sigh.

So now it’s just a waiting game. Joel is incredibly jumpy, which I find completely adorable. I find myself feeling like I need to cling to every second. Every lazy moment, every cuddle with Joel, every moment of sleep. We went to the movies. They asked if we wanted to sign up for a rewards card and we just kind of laughed because who knows when we might be back.

Every wiggle and kick feels extra precious because I know I don’t get to feel them much longer. Of course I can’t wait to nibble on the delicious little toes and knees that have been making my belly dance but I’ll miss feeling him go crazy after I have a Coke or milkshake. I will not miss the nausea or the food aversions or feeling like my pelvis is trying to split in half every time I move, but the kicks? Those I will miss, even the hard ones to the ribs.

39 Weeks

39weeksbelly

This is my last weekly update before my due date.

Wait, what now?

Could be my last weekly update period if this kid decides to follow in his mom and dad’s footsteps and be born on a 17th. I’ve been discussing it with Wesley and telling him Sunday is his birthday so he better not miss it. St. Patrick’s Day would be a pretty freaking cool birthday. Plus, my favorite midwife is on call this weekend. Not that I mind who catches him that much, we’ve just seen her the most so it would be cool to have her at the birth.

It’s fine if he picks another birthday. I mean obviously.

I would prefer it be sooner rather than later. But also it would be nice if he waits until at least after this weekend because Joel has his dad-chelor party tomorrow. It’s also my nephew’s birthday Saturday and it would be really cool if my little guy could have his own day. Not to mention my nephew would probably be pretty bummed if everyone got pulled away from his party because I was in labor.

So basically I have a lot of opinions about when he comes. Which means he will likely come exactly when I don’t want him to.

Such is life.

We had another uneventful appointment yesterday where Joel captured this,

doppler

which has to be one of my favorite shots of all time. I will never get sick of hearing Wesley’s beautiful healthy heartbeat.

She didn’t check me for dilation again and I’m totally fine with that. If I’m not dilated at all I’ll just be bummed and if I am it could give me a false sense of when things might start happening. There is a tiny bit of me that is curious but not enough to request a check. She didn’t mention if I would get checked at my next appointment (which is on my due date, eek!).

Other than the good appointment, yesterday was a tough day. I woke up, took a shower and promptly puked my guts out. It was a nice little flashback into the first trimester. I remained horrendously nauseated all day, to the point where I couldn’t pull it together enough to go to dance. That was really upsetting, especially since my studio is now on break for the next two weeks. So I guess my pregnant dancing days are over. Sigh.

So now it’s just a waiting game. Joel is incredibly jumpy, which I find completely adorable. I find myself feeling like I need to cling to every second. Every lazy moment, every cuddle with Joel, every moment of sleep. We went to the movies. They asked if we wanted to sign up for a rewards card and we just kind of laughed because who knows when we might be back.

Every wiggle and kick feels extra precious because I know I don’t get to feel them much longer. Of course I can’t wait to nibble on the delicious little toes and knees that have been making my belly dance but I’ll miss feeling him go crazy after I have a Coke or milkshake. I will not miss the nausea or the food aversions or feeling like my pelvis is trying to split in half every time I move, but the kicks? Those I will miss, even the hard ones to the ribs.

38 Weeks

38weeksbelly

So, I feel like a house, officially.

Even the t-shirts I borrow from Joel are tight across my belly. I forget now whose blog I read it on but they mentioned feeling claustrophobic in their clothes. I get it now. Totally.

I also got a, “WOAH! I’ve seen your belly pictures online… but woah!” from someone I hadn’t seen in person in awhile. So apparently this bump photographs well. Or at least smaller in pictures than I look in person. Either that or I’m never wearing that shirt again. I’ll probably be burning that shirt just to be safe.

Despite feeling huge, I’m actually measuring behind by two weeks now. Midwife said it was probably his position though and isn’t worried about it. He’s lying head down (yay!) with his back across my right side and his feet directly in my left ribs. She also said he doesn’t really have far to move down so my hope for him dropping and getting out of my lungs and ribs were kind of crushed with that one. She told me she expects he’ll be small but long. So maybe the tall genes Joel and I missed will kick in with him?

Speaking of crushed, er mah gah my ribs you guys! I’m starting to be a bit worried he might actually break one. Or get his foot stuck in between the two bottom ones and not be able to get out. Can that happen? I’m really asking. Last night driving home in the car I had to seriously do relaxation most of the way home, not for contractions, but because it felt like he was trying to crowbar my bottom two ribs apart with his feet. He may be small but he is mighty.

As uncomfortable as he acts with all his pushing and wiggling he shows no signs of actually wanting to get more room by becoming an outside baby. I’ve had a few random contractions from being active but other than that, nothing, no signs that my body is even getting ready for labor. I’m not necessarily in a hurry at this point I guess. The exception being when he’s really hurting me with his movements then I’m all GET OUT! It will work out much better for everyone if he stays put another week or so at least though.

Other than the internal beatings this week has been pretty uneventful pregnancy-wise. My dad was taken to the hospital yesterday so that was stressful. They were afraid he was having another stroke but now they’re looking at other possible causes for his symptoms. I hate seeing my dad sick and not mentally all there. He is such a funny, brilliant man that it hurts me to see him be less than himself. I’m hoping these tests that they’re running give us some answers. My dad needs to be all there to meet my little guy. Keep him in your thoughts if you would.

On a side note, you get some fun looks from the people in the ER when you walk in as a giant pregnant lady. I wanted to immediately announce that I was just visiting. Instead I just walked to the elevator and found my dad’s room while sort of giggling to myself about what they were likely thinking.

So that’s it. It’s basically a waiting game from here. I put up a poll on SkyMommy’s Facebook page where you can guess what day he’ll be born. It only allows me to put in 10 options but I left the ability open for you to add your own if you want. If you guess the right date you get bragging rights and a mention on my blog. So, go cast your vote!

32 Weeks

32 weeks belly

32 ÷ 4 = 8

Eight months pregnant you guys!

It’s kind of blowing my mind that I hit eight months today. I mean, I’m 8 weeks from my due date. I guess 8 is my lucky number this week.

I had another check up yesterday and everything looks great. Baby boy is finally head down again which means I don’t feel like he’s trying to headbutt his way through my side anymore. Of course I am ridiculous and was a bit worried that, even though I was feeling him just as much, I wasn’t feeling him as strongly. So, ya know, my brain instantly goes to oh em gee what if that means something is wrong?! My midwife said he switched positions though and that’s likely why I’m not feeling him as strongly. Then naturally last night he was back to trying to kick his way out, only this time his escape plan was my ribs. I’m such a silly pregnant lady sometimes.

I’ve still been dancing at least twice a week. We’re currently rehearsing for a performance in about a month and while I’ve been planning on performing I thought I better ask just to be safe. When I asked my midwife when I should plan on stopping dance her answer was my favorite thing ever. “When you’re crowning.” Well okay then. So if you want to see a nine months pregnant lady performing in a hip hop version of Alice in Wonderland let me know and I’ll get you the details.

This coming weekend we’re going to get maternity photos taken. It’s a birthday present from my mom and I’m incredibly excited to see how they turn out. I’m not sure if we’ll have them by next week but as soon as we get them I’ll be sure to post.

Short update this week. I think it’s mostly because I’m in shock over being eight freaking months pregnant. Eight.

 

We have a doctor

Well today went fabulously. The practice is warm and friendly and everyone was very nice and put me at ease. We met with a nurse practitioner who doesn’t actually do deliveries but she was so bubbly and easy to talk to. She took the time to answer all of my questions and I loved her answers which is probably even more important. Joel was pretty quiet (except about the floors. They had these natural looking cork floors and whenever we were alone he went on and on about how cool they were. He even took a picture. He makes me giggle.) but when we left he said he felt really good about everything as well.

We set up our next appointment with the actual OB to do an ultrasound and measure exactly how far along the baby is. According to the chart I’m due on October 18th but once we do the ultrasound and measure the fetus things will be much more official. I think once we finally get an ultrasound things will start to sink in. With barely any symptoms it’s hard to believe I’m actually pregnant still. It feels like a dream I’m going to wake up from at any moment or something.

Speaking of dreams, I’m a bit embarrassed that I had my first real panic last night about all this. I haven’t been sleeping very well at night lately but since I knew I had to get up in time for my appointment I tried to force myself to go to bed and sleep. I tossed and turned for ages and all I had to do was lie there and think. Of course the mind hardly ever goes to happy fun places when you’re desperately trying to sleep while watching the hours left until the alarm goes off get shorter and shorter.

I started to think about what a big freaking deal this is. I mean, I’m going to be responsible for a human! And they’re never safe. Ever! I’ve been around the internet enough to know that tragedies happen and it’s rarely expected. Once we make it past the first trimester it doesn’t make my pregnancy safe. And then once the pregnancy is over I have this tiny fragile person to keep alive. And on and on it goes.

Of course I also thought about how worthless I am without sleep. And what really made me panic was the thought that come October I’m never going to sleep again. Ever. And then I had the horrible thought that I wished I could take it all back. I love my life the way it is and why in the world would I want to change it? Which of course made me feel horribly guilty. This of course made me cry even harder. I’m so lucky to have a wonderful husband that noticed my crying and rolled over to cuddle me and help me feel better and I fell asleep shortly after.

Poor guy isn’t even a dad yet and he’s already getting woken up by a sobbing human. At least I’m fully potty trained.

Of course in the light of day everything seems brighter. I’m already madly in love with this kid inside me, even though things have still yet to feel really real. Of course I want this baby and would be devastated if anything was wrong. I feel like the worst of persons for even thinking about taking it back. What kind of mother thinks that?

I did think it though and I don’t want to be fake here. It was just a horrible moment brought on by over tiredness and hormones but it was a moment.

Thankfully for the most part I’ve been unreasonably happy. I suppose it’s only natural for things to swing the other way from time to time. Right?

Any questions?

My first doctors appointment is tomorrow and I admit I’m a bit nervous. I really hope that I love this practice because the idea of interviewing doctor after doctor to find one that fits with us is not at all appealing.

A little background on me. I have been present at five births, three of which were midwife assisted home births and two were very natural hospital births. I have seen what a beautiful, natural process birth is and have never doubted my body’s ability to do it successfully. I would even go so far as to say I look forward to the challenge. Of course I understand that there can always be complications and if a caesarean will save my or my babies life I will gladly have one. My goal however is to have a peaceful, unmedicated hospital birth surrounded by the people I love the most.

There are several midwives on staff at this practice, in fact, our appointment is with a family nurse practitioner. I feel very good about my chances that they will support the type of birth that I’m aiming for. Nothing is ever a given of course so I’m trying to come up with a list of questions to gauge how good of a fit this practice is with me. Here is what I have come up with so far.

1. How many calories should I eat per day?
2. What foods do you recommend I eat? What foods should I avoid?
3. I am currently taking one “NatureMade Multi Prenatal” vitamin a day. Do you consider this a good prenatal supplement? Should I try other brands or add another supplement to my daily routine?
4. I had plans to run a 5k in June, is it safe for me to train for it? How long should I be able to continue to dance?
5. What is the caesarean rate at this hospital?
6. How many people will I be allowed to have at the delivery? (Ideally I will have Joel, my mom and one or more sisters.)
7. Do you support spontaneous, mother-directed pushing? In what positions do you allow mothers to push?
8. We are considering taking Bradley method birthing classes. How to you feel about that method and are there any instructors in the area you recommend?
9. How do you feel about delayed cord clamping/cutting?
10. What determines who is going to be at my delivery?

For those of you that have done this before, what do you think? What should I add/change?

Maybe it’s weird but this first doctors visit feels so grown up to me. I feel almost silly, like I’m playing house or something. I keep reminding myself that no matter how young and un-adult I feel at times I’m 26 and that’s a perfectly reasonable time to start having kids. I also have to take a deep breath and realize that now is the time I start being a mom. It is the first time I will advocate for me and my child. My goals are perfectly reasonable and realistic. I have to force myself not to shy away from questions because I’m embarrassed or a uncomfortable.

I hope it won’t be an issue. Ideally I will feel at ease and questions will be encouraged. I suppose being made to feel rushed, embarrassed or uncomfortable this early on would be a pretty huge red flag and I would need to look elsewhere. I’m not going to focus on or anticipate the worst case scenario for our visit tomorrow though. I am very positive and hopeful that things will go really well.

I will update things after my appointment. Wish me luck!

 

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