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Tag: pregnant

“Bigger than average”

Wesley-40-Weeks-Plus-5-Days-Photos-6

We had a biophysical profile ultrasound today. Fluids are good, blood flow is good and he is head down and in an anterior position. Yay.

The tech started the ultrasound by saying, “Oh wow, you don’t have much fluid in there.” and of course my stomach dropped out of my body. Then she poked around and, ya know, actually measured the fluid while I tried not to cry or panic. She then said there was a lot more fluid in there than she thought.

So thanks for the heart attack. Jerk.

Wesley was super stubborn and despite making my stomach jump and bounce all over the place in the waiting room he decided to take a snooze during the actual ultrasound. One of the things they have to look at is movement so she was poking him and shaking him and he would. not. move. I finally asked Joel to talk to him and sure enough, he kicked a few times. Baby boy loves his daddy’s voice.

Wesley-40-Weeks-Plus-5-Days-Photos-2

One thing he would not do was move was his hand away from his face though. So we got a little glimpse of his nose and mouth but that’s it. Every single ultrasound his hands have been up by his head. It’s kind of adorable but I really hope he moves those little hands for the delivery because, no matter how tiny his hands are, I don’t want them to try to fit through me with his head. Ugh.

Also, they estimate he’s 8lbs 2oz. In the words of the doctor he’s “a little bigger than average.”

And yeah, I know the measurements are not generally all that accurate but I’m still kind of freaking my freak over here. Because the measurements can be wrong the other way too. As in, he might be bigger than 8lbs. And he is not coming out yet. And he’s just getting bigger every minute he stays in me.

Excuse me while I faint.

It’s probably a good thing for my sanity that I go to such a laid back OB/midwife practice. Seriously, one visit to a high risk office where they tell me “He’s going to come out all dried out and wrinkled” and, when I tell them I haven’t been contracting much and the ones I have aren’t really uncomfortable, they say “well that’s not going to do anything at all” and it spirals me into an emotional hole.

Yesterday I was all zen. Today I spent most of the day ugly crying and terrified of pushing out a giant baby with a nuchal hand. It was not pretty.

Wesley-40-Weeks-Plus-5-Days-Photos-4

I had a bit of an epiphany earlier this evening and realized why all the advice for starting labor was getting to me so much. I know that the people who give it are trying to be nice and helpful. I’m definitely not mad at anyone for trying to help. It’s just, when people say “try x or y” it makes me feel like I’m not doing enough to get this baby out. Like, if I would have drank more tea or taken more supplements or walked further or had more sex or… or… or… he’d be here already. If I could just find the thing to do or do the thing enough I’d be holding my baby. Every moment I spend lying on the couch feels like I’m failing, even if the reason I’m lying down is because I feel like my pelvis is going to rip in half if I take one more step.

You would think that hearing that my baby is healthy and there are no issues would put me in a great mood. And yet somehow I left that appointment feeling completely terrified, defeated and like a failure. I’m really thankful for my friends on Facebook because they helped talk me down from my hysterics. I’m also thankful for my husband because he really does his best to stay calm and take my roller coaster of emotions in stride.

I know it’s not my fault he’s not here yet. Now if only I could get what I know and what I feel to match.

“Bigger than average”

Wesley-40-Weeks-Plus-5-Days-Photos-6

We had a biophysical profile ultrasound today. Fluids are good, blood flow is good and he is head down and in an anterior position. Yay.

The tech started the ultrasound by saying, “Oh wow, you don’t have much fluid in there.” and of course my stomach dropped out of my body. Then she poked around and, ya know, actually measured the fluid while I tried not to cry or panic. She then said there was a lot more fluid in there than she thought.

So thanks for the heart attack. Jerk.

Wesley was super stubborn and despite making my stomach jump and bounce all over the place in the waiting room he decided to take a snooze during the actual ultrasound. One of the things they have to look at is movement so she was poking him and shaking him and he would. not. move. I finally asked Joel to talk to him and sure enough, he kicked a few times. Baby boy loves his daddy’s voice.

Wesley-40-Weeks-Plus-5-Days-Photos-2

One thing he would not do was move was his hand away from his face though. So we got a little glimpse of his nose and mouth but that’s it. Every single ultrasound his hands have been up by his head. It’s kind of adorable but I really hope he moves those little hands for the delivery because, no matter how tiny his hands are, I don’t want them to try to fit through me with his head. Ugh.

Also, they estimate he’s 8lbs 2oz. In the words of the doctor he’s “a little bigger than average.”

And yeah, I know the measurements are not generally all that accurate but I’m still kind of freaking my freak over here. Because the measurements can be wrong the other way too. As in, he might be bigger than 8lbs. And he is not coming out yet. And he’s just getting bigger every minute he stays in me.

Excuse me while I faint.

It’s probably a good thing for my sanity that I go to such a laid back OB/midwife practice. Seriously, one visit to a high risk office where they tell me “He’s going to come out all dried out and wrinkled” and, when I tell them I haven’t been contracting much and the ones I have aren’t really uncomfortable, they say “well that’s not going to do anything at all” and it spirals me into an emotional hole.

Yesterday I was all zen. Today I spent most of the day ugly crying and terrified of pushing out a giant baby with a nuchal hand. It was not pretty.

Wesley-40-Weeks-Plus-5-Days-Photos-4

I had a bit of an epiphany earlier this evening and realized why all the advice for starting labor was getting to me so much. I know that the people who give it are trying to be nice and helpful. I’m definitely not mad at anyone for trying to help. It’s just, when people say “try x or y” it makes me feel like I’m not doing enough to get this baby out. Like, if I would have drank more tea or taken more supplements or walked further or had more sex or… or… or… he’d be here already. If I could just find the thing to do or do the thing enough I’d be holding my baby. Every moment I spend lying on the couch feels like I’m failing, even if the reason I’m lying down is because I feel like my pelvis is going to rip in half if I take one more step.

You would think that hearing that my baby is healthy and there are no issues would put me in a great mood. And yet somehow I left that appointment feeling completely terrified, defeated and like a failure. I’m really thankful for my friends on Facebook because they helped talk me down from my hysterics. I’m also thankful for my husband because he really does his best to stay calm and take my roller coaster of emotions in stride.

I know it’s not my fault he’s not here yet. Now if only I could get what I know and what I feel to match.

10 things that will make me cry or want to punch you in the throat

pregnant girl cartoon by chris desatoff

Warning: This post is fueled entirely by hormones. Pregnancy has made me a bit sensitive and often times ridiculous. These or things like these have been said to me over the last couple of weeks and right now I’m feeling ranty about it. If you have in fact said one of these things or something similar? We’re good, really. I get over things pretty fast. Hormones are just oh so much fun. Love, puppies, rainbows and all that.

1. WOAH!

See also: What did you EAT?! You’re huge! Ready to pop, huh?

I get it, I’m big. Trust me, I feel a hundred times bigger than I look. My back hurts, I’m suddenly carrying all of my weight out in front of my body and I’m just. freaking. done. I already feel like a swollen buffalo, no need to rub it in.

Alternatively you could say:

You look great/cute/adorable etc!

I love your belly.

You’re glowing.

It’s not that you have to lie about how you think I look. If you think I look like a whale? Fine, me too! Just keep it to yourself.

2. Sleep now!

What human is not aware of the fact that babies don’t sleep well? I mean really. I knew signing up for this that once this kid comes I’m going to be a complete zombie for the better part of two years. And that’s if I stop at one kid.

The funny thing is, I didn’t realize my body would play this cruel sleep deprivation trick on me long before the baby ever shows up. Even if you don’t count the 15 times a night I get up to pee, I’m not sleeping very well. My back is killing me, rolling over practically takes a crane and my mind is going a zillion miles an hour. Trust me when I say I really want to be sleeping as much as possible now. You’re not being helpful when you rub in the fact that my days of good sleep are over.

Alternatively you could say:

Actually you know what? I don’t have an alternative for this one. Just don’t mention sleep. I KNOW!

3. I was  ___ days/weeks late

See also: He’ll come when he’s ready.

Okay first of all, babies know when they’re ready? Really? Explain preemies then please. I’m pretty sure they didn’t choose their birth because they were ready. I would think the same thing goes for full term babies. Not to say I think my kid is dumb but I also don’t think he’s been in the womb getting his medical degree.

As far as you telling me how you were sooo late, I sympathize, I really do. However, right now when I’m at the end, hearing how you were several weeks late just makes me go into a mild panic. I already feel like this kid will never ever come out and you telling me how you were a month late only intensifies that fear.

Alternatively you could say:

I know how much you want him here.

Waiting is frustrating, I know.

4. Had that baby yet?

I am an open person. I’ve blogged, tweeted, facebooked and instagramed the majority of this pregnancy. I don’t plan to suddenly keep this baby a big secret once he gets here. I will announce it! If you’re wondering, just check my feed, or my page or my stream. There will be something there. Promise. If you can’t be bothered to do a quick check of any of those then I refer you to this – Have You Had That Baby Yet?

Alternatively you could say:

Can’t wait to hear the news about your baby!

I bet you can’t wait to meet him.

5. Have you tried (insert wive’s tale) to get labor going?

Yes, yes, I have. And probably some you haven’t heard of. And on the off chance I haven’t tried it it’s because I think it’s too gross or weird. I know you’re trying to be helpful but you’re just really not going to tell me some magical thing I haven’t heard of before.

Also, don’t tell me how you had exactly 3/4 of a pineapple, bounced on a ball 42 times and stood on your head and that made labor start. Because then I’ll probably try it. And it won’t work. And then I’ll hate you a little bit.

Alternatively you could say:

See numbers 3 and 4.

6. All first babies are late

See also: I bet he’s going to come (insert date that is weeks late).

Not ALL first babies are late. I do realize that most first babies are late, but why rub it in? He might not be late. Or he might and I’ll get over it. You saying or even hoping he’ll be late just makes me think you enjoy seeing me miserable.

Alternatively you could say:

I’m sure it will be any day now.

He’s almost here.

7. I hope he’s a week late like you were.

Okay, so apparently my mom said this. And I guess she gets to. I was clearly a jerk being a week late. I hate me.

Love you, Mom.

8. You look tired.

I AM! But really you should never say this to anyone ever. All we hear is, you look like shit.

Alternative:

You look great.

Or don’t lie, but say nothing. Refer to number 1 for other options.

9. Are you really going to eat that?

Yes, and if you don’t back off I may also eat your face.

Alternatively:

Want my food?

10. I ripped from end to end…

and other horror stories.

I’m scared enough already. Trust me. Plus, I’ve probably read every terrifying story possible (and impossible) online. I can’t stop reading birth stories, it’s an addiction. However, I seek that out and can click away at any time. If you’re telling me your story I have to be polite and finish listening while my uterus tries to actually detach itself and run away screaming from my body.

Alternatively:

Wishing you a quick/easy/healthy etc delivery.

Bonus things any pregnant lady would love to hear:

I love you.

Let me tell you about my amazing, easy birth.

You’re beautiful.

Want (insert delicious food item)?

Have a seat I’ll get that.

You guys are going to be great parents.

I’m so excited for you!

Fellow pregnant ladies and mothers, what did I miss? I can’t be the only one to hear these kinds of things and have to grin through gritted teeth while I wanted to either burst into tears or give the speaker a quick punch to the throat, right?

The featured cartoon was a custom drawing done for me by the fabulous Chris Desatoff which I was lucky enough to win from a contest he did on his blog I Work Off the Clock. Definitely go check out him out.

39 Weeks

39weeksbelly

This is my last weekly update before my due date.

Wait, what now?

Could be my last weekly update period if this kid decides to follow in his mom and dad’s footsteps and be born on a 17th. I’ve been discussing it with Wesley and telling him Sunday is his birthday so he better not miss it. St. Patrick’s Day would be a pretty freaking cool birthday. Plus, my favorite midwife is on call this weekend. Not that I mind who catches him that much, we’ve just seen her the most so it would be cool to have her at the birth.

It’s fine if he picks another birthday. I mean obviously.

I would prefer it be sooner rather than later. But also it would be nice if he waits until at least after this weekend because Joel has his dad-chelor party tomorrow. It’s also my nephew’s birthday Saturday and it would be really cool if my little guy could have his own day. Not to mention my nephew would probably be pretty bummed if everyone got pulled away from his party because I was in labor.

So basically I have a lot of opinions about when he comes. Which means he will likely come exactly when I don’t want him to.

Such is life.

We had another uneventful appointment yesterday where Joel captured this,

doppler

which has to be one of my favorite shots of all time. I will never get sick of hearing Wesley’s beautiful healthy heartbeat.

She didn’t check me for dilation again and I’m totally fine with that. If I’m not dilated at all I’ll just be bummed and if I am it could give me a false sense of when things might start happening. There is a tiny bit of me that is curious but not enough to request a check. She didn’t mention if I would get checked at my next appointment (which is on my due date, eek!).

Other than the good appointment, yesterday was a tough day. I woke up, took a shower and promptly puked my guts out. It was a nice little flashback into the first trimester. I remained horrendously nauseated all day, to the point where I couldn’t pull it together enough to go to dance. That was really upsetting, especially since my studio is now on break for the next two weeks. So I guess my pregnant dancing days are over. Sigh.

So now it’s just a waiting game. Joel is incredibly jumpy, which I find completely adorable. I find myself feeling like I need to cling to every second. Every lazy moment, every cuddle with Joel, every moment of sleep. We went to the movies. They asked if we wanted to sign up for a rewards card and we just kind of laughed because who knows when we might be back.

Every wiggle and kick feels extra precious because I know I don’t get to feel them much longer. Of course I can’t wait to nibble on the delicious little toes and knees that have been making my belly dance but I’ll miss feeling him go crazy after I have a Coke or milkshake. I will not miss the nausea or the food aversions or feeling like my pelvis is trying to split in half every time I move, but the kicks? Those I will miss, even the hard ones to the ribs.

39 Weeks

39weeksbelly

This is my last weekly update before my due date.

Wait, what now?

Could be my last weekly update period if this kid decides to follow in his mom and dad’s footsteps and be born on a 17th. I’ve been discussing it with Wesley and telling him Sunday is his birthday so he better not miss it. St. Patrick’s Day would be a pretty freaking cool birthday. Plus, my favorite midwife is on call this weekend. Not that I mind who catches him that much, we’ve just seen her the most so it would be cool to have her at the birth.

It’s fine if he picks another birthday. I mean obviously.

I would prefer it be sooner rather than later. But also it would be nice if he waits until at least after this weekend because Joel has his dad-chelor party tomorrow. It’s also my nephew’s birthday Saturday and it would be really cool if my little guy could have his own day. Not to mention my nephew would probably be pretty bummed if everyone got pulled away from his party because I was in labor.

So basically I have a lot of opinions about when he comes. Which means he will likely come exactly when I don’t want him to.

Such is life.

We had another uneventful appointment yesterday where Joel captured this,

doppler

which has to be one of my favorite shots of all time. I will never get sick of hearing Wesley’s beautiful healthy heartbeat.

She didn’t check me for dilation again and I’m totally fine with that. If I’m not dilated at all I’ll just be bummed and if I am it could give me a false sense of when things might start happening. There is a tiny bit of me that is curious but not enough to request a check. She didn’t mention if I would get checked at my next appointment (which is on my due date, eek!).

Other than the good appointment, yesterday was a tough day. I woke up, took a shower and promptly puked my guts out. It was a nice little flashback into the first trimester. I remained horrendously nauseated all day, to the point where I couldn’t pull it together enough to go to dance. That was really upsetting, especially since my studio is now on break for the next two weeks. So I guess my pregnant dancing days are over. Sigh.

So now it’s just a waiting game. Joel is incredibly jumpy, which I find completely adorable. I find myself feeling like I need to cling to every second. Every lazy moment, every cuddle with Joel, every moment of sleep. We went to the movies. They asked if we wanted to sign up for a rewards card and we just kind of laughed because who knows when we might be back.

Every wiggle and kick feels extra precious because I know I don’t get to feel them much longer. Of course I can’t wait to nibble on the delicious little toes and knees that have been making my belly dance but I’ll miss feeling him go crazy after I have a Coke or milkshake. I will not miss the nausea or the food aversions or feeling like my pelvis is trying to split in half every time I move, but the kicks? Those I will miss, even the hard ones to the ribs.

Little reminders

pregnancytestI’ve been kind of quiet the last couple of days. Certain dates snuck up on me, almost without me realizing they were coming. It’s a bunch of stupid little things, but they throw me.

The Chicago Auto Show is this week. I have so much fun at it every year but last year felt extra special because I was in the extra giddy, we just found out we’re pregnant, phase. I’m still pregnant again, a year later. When I say I feel like I’ve been pregnant forever, I’m not kidding.

Girl Scout cookies are on sale again. Thin mints used to be my favorite thing ever. Even though my nausea and food aversions are not too bad most of the time now, the idea of eating them turns my stomach. I’m afraid the mental association may have ruined them for me forever.

I’m doing Fat Mum Slim’s photo a day on Instagram (By the way, are you following me over there? If not you’re missing a bunch of pictures that never make it on the blog.) I’ve started this January. The first time I tried her photo a day was last February and it was part of how I announced to the internet that we were expecting.  I didn’t finish the year because on March 1st it just didn’t seem that important anymore.

After my original due date passed it was like a giant weight was lifted off me and I really was completely absorbed in this current, healthy pregnancy. It’s not that I never thought about my loss but it didn’t weigh on me like it did before. Now that I’m back to the same time of year as when we first found out we were pregnant I’m feeling a bit more introspective and sometimes even downright sad again.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still so much more happy and excited than sad lately. I’m getting so close to meeting my little guy and I am very much looking forward to that.

But amidst that excitement the dates that are now coming up again on the calendar throw me back. Back to a time when I was more innocent and naive. The thought of that pregnancy not working out was barely a blip on my radar, I just assumed it would. Last February I never thought I would still be pregnant this February. I know I got a couple month break but that doesn’t make it feel any less endless.

It’s nice that there aren’t too many bad dates coming up. There are definitely more good ones to look forward to. I’ll be happy to finally have my little guy in my arms. Next year I have a feeling February and March will seem much brighter.

 

 

 

32 Weeks

32 weeks belly

32 ÷ 4 = 8

Eight months pregnant you guys!

It’s kind of blowing my mind that I hit eight months today. I mean, I’m 8 weeks from my due date. I guess 8 is my lucky number this week.

I had another check up yesterday and everything looks great. Baby boy is finally head down again which means I don’t feel like he’s trying to headbutt his way through my side anymore. Of course I am ridiculous and was a bit worried that, even though I was feeling him just as much, I wasn’t feeling him as strongly. So, ya know, my brain instantly goes to oh em gee what if that means something is wrong?! My midwife said he switched positions though and that’s likely why I’m not feeling him as strongly. Then naturally last night he was back to trying to kick his way out, only this time his escape plan was my ribs. I’m such a silly pregnant lady sometimes.

I’ve still been dancing at least twice a week. We’re currently rehearsing for a performance in about a month and while I’ve been planning on performing I thought I better ask just to be safe. When I asked my midwife when I should plan on stopping dance her answer was my favorite thing ever. “When you’re crowning.” Well okay then. So if you want to see a nine months pregnant lady performing in a hip hop version of Alice in Wonderland let me know and I’ll get you the details.

This coming weekend we’re going to get maternity photos taken. It’s a birthday present from my mom and I’m incredibly excited to see how they turn out. I’m not sure if we’ll have them by next week but as soon as we get them I’ll be sure to post.

Short update this week. I think it’s mostly because I’m in shock over being eight freaking months pregnant. Eight.

 

After a storm…

there’s a rainbow:

I’m 17 weeks.

What?!

I know. I’ll get into the reasons why we waited so long to share in another post. They might be different than you’d expect (although if you’ve experienced a loss maybe not).

For now I’ll say that the baby seems healthy. I had a rough go of it as far as “morning” (ha! I wish) sickness goes but I’m slowly moving past that and thanking God every day for the invention of Zofran. Other than that, things have been going well.

I would post a bump picture but so far there’s really none to speak of unless you’re looking at me naked and I have a strict no naked pictures policy on this blog. I can tell my waistline has changed though and I find myself wanting to shout “I haven’t just eaten too many cheeseburgers, I’m pregnant!” to everyone I meet.

But I digress.

I’m falling more and more in love with this baby especially since I’ve felt the very first flutters not long ago. This is real. This is happening.

My lucky charm is coming March 2013.

Finally?

Remember how I wasn’t really feeling pregnant?

Ha, wasn’t that nice.

Well I’m feeling it now. I’m beyond tired and achy but the worst part is the morning sickness. Psh, morning. I wish! It’s all day, every day unless I’m sleeping. Thankfully the tiredness means I sleep a lot.

Now, it could definitely be worse. I almost feel guilty talking about it considering my sister has been severely ill, as in can hardly keep anything down, for 15 weeks and counting. I, on the other hand, just feel nauseous but so far (knock on wood) haven’t puked yet.

I hope I didn’t just jinx myself typing that.

The nausea started about a week ago and at first I was almost glad. Yay, I really am pregnant! I mean, you’d think two positive pregnancy tests and a doctor visit would convince me but no, it took the turning of my stomach to convince me.

Now I’m pretty freaking sure.

I miss food.

I also feel horribly guilty for not eating enough every day. I know I’m not nourishing my body properly and as a result I’m not nourishing my baby properly. I can barely choke down the little food I eat every day and the food I do choke down is usually only with the help of ginger ale. I almost never used to drink pop and now I drink at least one can a day. I’m sure that’s not the ideal way to get extra calories every day.

My only consolation is that what I eat has stayed down so far so I am getting some nutrients every day. The food I eat I try to make healthy but when it’s a choice between popcorn chicken or nothing at all I pick the chicken of course. Today I ate an entire can of black olives and they were delicious and actually made it so I didn’t feel sick at all for an hour or so. I take what I can get.

I keep telling myself I only have about 6 weeks of this left. Even that seems like an infinite amount of time but I know it will go fast. I also keep telling myself it could be so much worse and so I can’t complain. I hope this post doesn’t come off as whining because I’m really not. This is pregnancy and I expected it.

If I end up with a healthy baby at the end of everything it will be worth every minute.

 

We’re expecting!

and we’re beyond thrilled. Follow my adventure into motherhood at SkyMommy.com.

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