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Tag: newborn

The sweetness of now

Dear Son,

I hope it doesn’t hurt your feelings when I tell you I was dreading the newborn phase. I heard so many just-you-waits and horror stories of colic and sleepless nights. I was kind of terrified.

I never did well without sleep. Frankly I became quite the bitch without a full 8+ hours. Plus the dirty diapers and the cracked and bleeding nipples and the hormones… I always thought of newborns as cute, I just liked being able to hand them back off to their parents after a few minutes. Being responsible for one 24/7? Yikes.

I always joked that I just wanted to adopt a kindergartener, because that’s when kids really become interesting.

Then there was you.

Mother's-Day-Post-2013

Your birth was beautiful. It was everything I hoped and dreamed it would be. I didn’t love pregnancy but I would give birth a hundred times if every one was like yours. When they put you on my stomach I couldn’t believe you were real. You were perfect.

You took to nursing like it was the most natural thing in the whole world. I couldn’t believe how much I loved breastfeeding. It didn’t hurt like I expected. It was complete bliss right from the beginning. You wanted to nurse almost round the clock.

cuddles9

You also want to be held round the clock. Every once in awhile you’ll be happy to be set down for 20 or 30 minutes and even that is a fairly new development. If I want to be sure you’ll stay asleep and content I have to hold you.

At first this was overwhelming and frustrating to me. People say to sleep when the baby sleeps. Well it’s difficult to do that when the baby doesn’t want to be put down. Ever. Also, I watch the mess pile up around me. I call the futon my nest. I have pillows and snacks and a phone charger surrounding me on it. Most days I don’t leave my nest except to go to the bathroom, change your diaper and grab more food and water.

cuddles7

I found myself wishing you’d let me put you down.

And then I realized, this isn’t forever. Already there was that one time you slept in the mamaRoo for an hour. You won’t always need to be pressed up against me to stay asleep.

cuddles1

Right now you need me. Completely. That is wonderful and terrible at the same time. I am your only source of food and often your only source of comfort. I have had moments of wishing that away.

But no more. You need me all you want, little man. There is nothing in the world that is more important than me being there for you right now.

cuddles4

I look at your sweet face and it’s already changed so much in the six weeks you’ve been alive. You already are awake and alert more and more every day. Before I know it you’ll be too busy exploring your world to be bothered with cuddles. Before I know it your head will have more than just wispy fuzz. Before I know it you’ll lose that sweet milky breath. Before I know it you’ll chunk out and become more than just an armful of sweet squish.

Before I know it you’ll be that kindergartener I was wishing for.

Only the thing is, when I was dreading having a newborn, when I was bracing myself to just get through these days until I got to the “better” years, when I was thinking how I “can’t wait” for ____ milestone I didn’t realize I’d end up with a sweet newborn like you.

cuddles6

Wesley, you are better than I ever dreamed you’d be. I was foolish to want to skip any of this. You take your time growing up. I know there will be times when things are hard, there already have been. But these moments of neediness? These all day cuddles? These I won’t wish away. They can find me buried under a pile of granola bar wrappers for all I care.

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Because everything else besides you can wait. Thank you for making me a mommy.

Weekly Wesley: One

1st-week

I survived my first week as a mother. Survived isn’t really the right word though because honestly I’m loving it so far. It’s still hard for me to tear myself away from his face long enough to throw a picture on Instagram much less write anything. Not only that but this kid loves to nurse so I rarely have more than one hand free. Currently Wesley is dream eating on my right side and I’m awkwardly typing this up with my left hand.

photo

Don’t take any of that as complaining though. Breastfeeding is still one of my very favorite things I’ve ever done. Wesley is a complete natural, it kind of blows my mind. I was expecting cracked, bleeding nipples and super sore boobs but so far I’ve experienced none of that. It can hurt a little when he latches on but usually that means I just have to unlatch him and try again. My milk finally officially came in yesterday. I was wondering if it was in before but when I woke up with seriously giant, dripping breasts I stopped questioning things. You’re welcome for that mental image guys.

Wesley-Sleeping

Sleep is actually not too bad now. The first two nights were rougher than I expected. All he did all night long was eat and cry. I’m fairly sure he didn’t sleep at all unless it was a cat nap while nursing. Oof. Joel was a saint and took turns walking him while he cried. We both got no more than two 45 minute stretches of sleep each though. There are no words for that kind of sleep deprivation. Wesley finally mastered the side lying nursing position though and that means that we both get far more sleep. In fact, last night I had to actually wake him up because my boobs were so full I couldn’t sleep anymore. Twice. I know these things change all the time but I’m enjoying the decent stretches I’m getting while I’m getting them.

Joel-and-Wesley

I love seeing how Joel has taken to fatherhood. It is beautiful. He so clearly adores our little guy. I’ve changed… one? diaper since Wesley was born. In just one week he’s gone from basically no experience to getting really comfortable with holding and soothing and dressing a tiny newborn. I knew he’d be a great dad but I didn’t know how much I’d enjoy watching him be one.

Phoebe-and-Wesley

Phoebe has adjusted really well. I plan to write a separate post about the transition but it’s going far better than I expected. She is such a great dog and I have a feeling her and Wesley are going to end up being best friends just like I hoped.

I’m recovering well. I plan to write about recovery and all that in a separate post as well. For now let’s just say not being pregnant anymore feels way better than I expected.

Wesley-Week-One-SkyMommy

Other milestones:

  • Wesley held his head up the morning after he was born.
  • Wesley’s cord fell off last night. So at six days old! I was kind of surprised it fell off already but I’m certainly not complaining. It’s nice not to have to worry about bumping it all the time. He has the funniest little outie belly button. We’ll see if it stays that way as he chunks out.
  • We finally did “real” (aka not on my chest) tummy time today and he predictably hated it. Poor little guy was so squished in utero though that he has a little weakness on one side of his neck so it’s really necessary for him to get that exercise.
  • His jaundice seems to be clearing up. The pediatrician sent us back to the hospital to get blood work done the day after he came home. She seemed to think it was pretty bad and said he might need to be readmitted depending on the numbers. Thankfully the levels weren’t too high and we didn’t even need to get a UV blanket to take home. In retrospect maybe dressing him in yellow for his appointment wasn’t the best choice. We have another appointment Wednesday so we’re hoping he’s gaining weight okay and his jaundice is gone.
  • Wesley has had lots of visitors already. He’s met all his grandparents and one set of great grandparents. Plus six of his cousins and a bunch of his aunts and uncles. This little man is so loved by so many people.

Looking-at-Mommy

It doesn’t feel totally real yet. I can’t really wrap my head around the fact that I’m a mom. Wesley is my son. I keep saying it out loud in hopes it will fully sink in. I love him but he doesn’t feel like he’s actually mine yet. I’m hoping that’s normal and that it will click in soon. But even though it hasn’t I’m still in a state of completely bliss over this adorable little bundle I was somehow lucky enough to get blessed with. One week old and he’s already perfect.

Welcome to the World, Wesley

SkyMommy-Wesley-Yawn

This picture perfectly describes how we all feel in this house right now. Not at all surprising of course.

That being said, this will be the short version of things. I’m working on the full birth story but it’s really hard to pull myself away from staring at his perfect little face long enough. That, or I’m trying to catch a moment or two of sleep or maybe shower. Maybe. Anyway, here are the important details.

Wesley made his entrance into the world on Easter Sunday, 03-31-13. He weighed 8 pounds 1 ounce (which is only one once off from the weight estimate on the BPP ultrasound. How often does that happen?!) and he was 21 inches long.

His birth was positively beautiful. It really was everything I hoped it would be. I owe so much of that to my amazing support team. Everyone from the nurse, to my midwife, to my mom and sisters played their part and helped me through everything. Mostly though Joel was my rock. He was by my side literally every minute of my labor and I could not have done it without him. With all their help and thanks to my body somehow knowing exactly what to do and when to do it I got an empowering, natural birth. The moment I met my son will forever be one of the best moments of my life.

We are home now and adjusting nicely. Wesley is a champion at nursing. I really expected it to be difficult and painful at the beginning but he knew just what to do and I have to say breastfeeding is one of my favorite things I’ve ever done in my life. He hasn’t quite gotten the hang of sleep but duh, I wouldn’t have expected him to. Joel is great at taking shifts so we both catch some sleep in spurts.

All in all I’m in state of complete newborn bliss. You’ll have to forgive me from slacking online for a bit. I’m just trying to soak up every second with my gorgeous new son.

Welcome to the World, Wesley

SkyMommy-Wesley-Yawn

This picture perfectly describes how we all feel in this house right now. Not at all surprising of course.

That being said, this will be the short version of things. I’m working on the full birth story but it’s really hard to pull myself away from staring at his perfect little face long enough. That, or I’m trying to catch a moment or two of sleep or maybe shower. Maybe. Anyway, here are the important details.

Wesley made his entrance into the world on Easter Sunday, 03-31-13. He weighed 8 pounds 1 ounce (which is only one once off from the weight estimate on the BPP ultrasound. How often does that happen?!) and he was 21 inches long.

His birth was positively beautiful. It really was everything I hoped it would be. I owe so much of that to my amazing support team. Everyone from the nurse, to my midwife, to my mom and sisters played their part and helped me through everything. Mostly though Joel was my rock. He was by my side literally every minute of my labor and I could not have done it without him. With all their help and thanks to my body somehow knowing exactly what to do and when to do it I got an empowering, natural birth. The moment I met my son will forever be one of the best moments of my life.

We are home now and adjusting nicely. Wesley is a champion at nursing. I really expected it to be difficult and painful at the beginning but he knew just what to do and I have to say breastfeeding is one of my favorite things I’ve ever done in my life. He hasn’t quite gotten the hang of sleep but duh, I wouldn’t have expected him to. Joel is great at taking shifts so we both catch some sleep in spurts.

All in all I’m in state of complete newborn bliss. You’ll have to forgive me from slacking online for a bit. I’m just trying to soak up every second with my gorgeous new son.

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