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Tag: marriage

Six years

Six years.

Wow.

That’s how long Joel and I have been married, as of today.

If our marriage was a human it would be getting ready to go to first grade this fall.

It’s amazing to me how much we’ve done and seen and grown in those years.

We’ve moved five times. We’ve both changed jobs more than once. We’ve visited five continents together. We adopted and have raised a pretty freaking awesome little dog who just turned three. We’ve driven from one end of the country to the other. We’ve visited twenty seven of the fifty states together.

We’ve fought and yelled and cried. We’ve very nearly called it quits. More than once. We’ve gone through the utter elation of expectant parenthood only to be crushed by losing the pregnancy.

I’m so glad we fought for our marriage and made it through the dark times though because they made us so much stronger.

Far outnumbering the downs there have been so many more times that we’ve joked and been silly and laughed till our stomachs hurt and tears were running down our faces.

I can be completely and totally myself around him. Whether myself at the time means talking in crazy cartoon voices at the dog, being a raging lunatic who needs chocolate right this second, or just really wanting to cuddle, he takes it in stride.

I have never known anyone so well. ┬áIn the car today all he had to say was “Is this going to be like the time when…” and I could already say yes because I knew the end of the question. Yep, we have officially turned into that annoying couple that finishes each others sentences.

He is truly my best friend. He is an amazing lover. He is brilliant and creative. Every time I see him around kids I can see what an incredible daddy he will be someday. He treats me like a queen and rarely asks for anything in return.

I am not the same person I was when I said I do six years ago. Joel is very different as well. The best part of marriage is making that journey to a new a better version of yourself with someone you love at your side. Life is one big adventure and I couldn’t have picked a better companion to share the journey with me.

Six years down and I look forward to at least sixty six more.

(un)fortunes

So I was kind of looking forward to taking a break from posting. And yet? I’m kind of in the habit. It really doesn’t feel right to crawl into bed without posting something on this little blog.

I guess I really do love it since I’m posting even though I don’t “have” to. Not that I ever had to, I guess. But I’ve completed my goal and yet here I am up an hour past my bedtime posting. It’s official, I’m addicted.

The thing is, how could I not share this hilarious series of fortunes that Joel pulled out of his fortune cookies today?

That first one? Cracked me up. You should have seen Joel’s face when he opened it. Especially since we can’t open fortunes without playing the “…in bed” game.

You know that game right? You just add “in bed” to the end of whatever the fortune is. It makes things much funnier. And with these particular fortunes? It had Joel blushing like crazy and me with the giggles.

I kept teasing him and asking if this series of events ends with him happier in his love life because of the older, more experienced person he’s about to be attracted to. If that’s the case his current love life will definitely not be so happy and harmonious. He did not find this as hilarious as I did.

Maybe that’s a good thing. For me anyway.

I guess that’s the danger of eating so many fortune cookies. He never can eat just one. This time I’m thinking he kind of wishes he’d stopped before he started.

::giggle::

The best presents ever

So Christmas is over. It was definitely a strange Christmas for me. No presents, no turkey, no giant noisy family. It was nothing like Christmas to me really.

But honestly? The love I felt snuggled on the couch with Joel was incredible. We haven’t spent that much one on one time with each other in ages. We watched a few of our favorite Christmas movies, napped and talked. It was very special.

There were a few sad moments. I talked to my mom on the phone and as soon as I hung up I ugly cried for a little while. I hated being left out of the festivities because we were home sick. The whole thing just seemed so unfair.

In order to cheer me up a little, Joel went out and searched high and low for some eggnog. I told him not to bother because it was Christmas day and A.) almost nowhere is even open and B.) even if they were open it was afternoon and if they carried eggnog at all they were probably sold out.

He freaking found me some eggnog. You’ll have to ask him how many places he called and looked. Apparently no less than 3 Walgreens told him they had it and he drove there only to find out they did not. I told him he should have sneezed on all of them and given them his plague.*

He did eventually find eggnog. And it was possibly the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted.

Also? Made me cry. But a good cry. A wow-I-can’t-believe-how-incredibly-sweet-my-husband-is kind of cry.

He came back and collapsed on the couch. Obviously the outing exhausted him. It would have exhausted a healthy person, much less someone with the flu.

In return he received lots of love and snuggles and other married favors. Apparently even all feverish he finds me extremely attractive. Or maybe it was because he also had a fever. Can’t be sure.

Either way it was a strange but pleasant Christmas. Usually after Christmas I’ve been to so many different parties and stayed up late every night for so many nights that I’m exhausted. This year I felt relaxed the next day.

A nice bonus is that I’m feeling well again which means I kind of feel like a million dollars. It’s amazing how great normal feels when you’ve just come back from the brink of death. Joel is still a little under the weather but I think he’s pretty close to better as well. I think by tomorrow we’ll both be completely back in the land of the living.

So this year my presents weren’t those I could unwrap. I got a renewed love for my husband through quality time. I got relaxation and tons of rest. Plus I got some really yummy eggnog.

Best presents ever.

*he didn’t. And even if he did they’re probably already immune since they work at Walgreens. Jerks.

Orange Roses

Joel and I have been having a hard time lately. I’m working so much more than we were used to. My job is really important to me and I want to do it well. I just wish my marriage wasn’t suffering as a result.

I was worried that Joel had lost interest in me completely until I came home to this.

The orange rose has mainly come to be regarded as the symbol for desire, enthusiasm and passion. Being a literal mixture of the colors yellow and red, orange roses [are] often seen as a bridge between the feelings of friendship symbolized by yellow roses, and love associated with red roses. – ProFlowers.com

He even told me the reason he picked orange flowers. He said we’ve had the perfect balance of love and friendship and he thinks we can get it back again.

Just the right amount of cheese.

I love him.

Never Broken

I feel beaten. So hurt, so angry… broken.

There are moments when I want to throw my hands up. I really want to not care so much. If only there was a switch to turn off my mind. To stop caring so fucking much.

But I will not be broken. I refuse.

I am nothing if not strong. So no matter how hurt I feel I won’t give up. I’m extremely stubborn.

I know what is worth fighting for…

But is all this fighting even going to get me anywhere? I have to believe it will.

Otherwise I’m just a stubborn fool.

That’s also possible… but I hope not.

Marital duties

I grew up in a household of eight. Eight. Do you even have any idea how many dishes eight people produce? Especially considering the fact that it was almost never just the eight of us. My siblings and I always had friends over so a dinner on any given evening could easily have a dozen people or more.

That makes for a lot of dirty dishes. In case you were wondering.

I hate doing the dishes for this reason. I had done more dishes by the time I turned 18 than some people do their entire lives.

Or at least it felt that way. I’m not a drama queen. Shut up.

When I was growing up I used to babysit for a family with three adorable kids. Their mom was young and became quite a good friend. I spent a lot of time with her. One thing she told me was when her and her husband got married they made a deal, she’d do the laundry if he’d do the dishes.

Even at 13 this plan seemed brilliant. I knew I would employee this whenever I finally got married myself. They were such an adorable happy couple* and my friend? Never had to do the dishes. Ever.

Brilliant.

When Joel and I were talking about getting married I pitched him on this plan. He did not seem convinced. Always having to do the dishes? Always? Just in exchange for laundry? Yeah, I wouldn’t have gone for it either.

So I upped the ante. “How about,” I said “I do all the housework. I’ll cook, clean, do laundry, everything. As long as I never have to do the dishes.”

He was sold.

That plan lasted a really long time. And by really long time I mean it lasted until the first time we had guest coming in ZOMGthey’llbehereintwentyminutesandthishouseissomessy!!!1!! and I politely asked made him help me clean the house.

I still did the laundry though. Eventually the deal became what I offered originally. Dishes are Joel’s chore and laundry is mine. This may or may not be partially because I am obsessive compulsive a little picky about how my clothes are washed. Also? Joel did manage to destroy several of my shirts in one load the first time I let him help me with the laundry. He says it wasn’t on purpose… but he almost never does the laundry anymore either. So I’ll let you be the judge.

Anyway, this weekend Joel was in Memphis at a conference. Luckily(?) I had the plague and basically didn’t eat** for two of the four days he was gone. I did have cereal Sunday morning and ate some dinner and things though.

Today I realized Joel was going to be home soon and, even though “his” job is the dishes, I’m pretty sure that doesn’t count when he hasn’t contributed to them in four days. So, I did the dishes this evening before Joel got back because I am a fabulous wife like that.

Side note: Did you know that milk, when left a day and a half in a bowl in the sink smells and looks just like yogurt? Gah! No wonder he gets annoyed when I don’t rinse it out in the morning.

There weren’t that many and it wasn’t a huge deal. But I was reminded today how much I appreciate having a husband that doesn’t mind doing the dishes all the time. There were a million other little things I missed about him while he was gone this weekend too. But the dishes were a big one.

I’m so happy he’s home.

*They did later get divorced. So maybe not the best marriage role models. At least their dishes plan worked out.

**I weighed myself Sunday after two days of hell. I lost 8 pounds. In two days. Yeah. I wasn’t kidding about feeling like I was dying.

A leap into less than happiness?

This morning my eyes slowly opened and I looked over at my sleeping husband. I smiled through my sleepy blinks at him lying there next to me. I pressed myself up against him and breathed deeply, taking in his smell of shampoo and sleep. He didn’t notice me this morning because he was in too deep of a sleep. That’s fine, I let him sleep a while longer.

I rolled out of bed and went to my computer to catch up on whatever happened while I was away sleeping. While browsing through Facebook I came across this article: If parenthood sucks, why do we love it? Because we’re addicted.

I’ve heard it before, parenthood actually decreases your happiness. According to this article the only reason people keep popping out babies is because of the occasional high you get. Most of the time parents with young children are miserable.

Yikes.

The thing is, I suspected that all along. It’s a huge part of why I’ve waited and resisted all the pressure to start adding more humans to the planet so far. I’m so happy with my life as it is, am I really ready to screw that up?

Will I ever be ready?

Who is ever ready to be less happy?

Joel and I have what is my idea of a perfect marriage. We love each other fiercely. We fight but we do it fairly. We forgive each other and move on after making mistakes. We have long afternoons filled with passionate sex and intimate cuddling. We take trips to exotic locations on a whim.

All these things and more make me so happy. When I lie in bed staring at Joel I can’t imagine doing it through bleary, sleep depraved eyes that haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in months. Will I be able to stare at him in those last moments of sleep or will I desperately be trying to catch every last second of shut eye before I have to return to my motherly duties?

I know myself. I become a grumpy monster without good sleep. Not sleeping makes me miserable. Naughty, whining children drive me crazy. I’d love to believe that I’ll be such an awesome parent that I’ll produce perfect children but we all know that’s not the case. My kids will have my DNA which means they’ll almost certainly be stubborn, creative, little evil geniuses.

When I remember some of the ways I acted towards my mom, dad and babysitters I cringe. I once convinced a babysitter to play a game that involved tying her hands to a doorknob. Then I convinced her to sit down. Then my sisters and I ran giggling out of the room leaving her unable to stand up. From the time I knew how to talk I knew how to manipulate things so they went my way. I never took no for an answer well. I got in a good deal of trouble but was very good at talking my way out of my punishments.

Then of course there was Joel. The stories he tells me about jumping off roofs, climbing trees and doing flips down steep hills on his bike terrify me. He basically poked his eye out when he was 6 and is now blind in that eye. Frankly I’m shocked that that’s the only major injury he ever got. He was such a dare devil. If we have a child like him I don’t know that my nerves can take the experience.

But then again, I look into Joel’s beautiful blue eyes and wonder what a mini version of him would look like. I see my beautiful sweet nephews and wonder if I could be as good at raising kiddos as my sisters have been. In the end I want to be surrounded by my children and grandchildren. I want a big happy family.

However, taking that leap into years of less happiness kind of feels like jumping out of a plane with a questionable parachute.

Brain spillage

Today was a good day. Overall anyway.

Actually, for a good portion Joel and I fought. A lot.

We’re alike in many ways but sometimes the ways that we are different irritate the crap out of both of us. I guess that’s called marriage, huh?

The thing is, I am not always ready on time. I’m very rarely late to things but that’s because I have getting-ready-at-the-last-second-because-how-did-it-get-to-be-that-time-already-ohmygaaah-I’m-going-to-be-late down to an art form. And then I’m not late. But I cut it very close.

Joel, on the other hand, would just as soon be somewhere an hour early. For no reason whatsoever. I mean, why would you get somewhere an hour early when you could have spent that hour sleeping? Why?!

As you can imagine this causes quite a few fights. Because he’s all huffy and tense that I’m not ready on time an hour and a half early. Then I get annoyed at the sighs and the “casual” mentions of the time and the standing at the door with coat and shoes on while I’m still in the bathroom drying my hair.

::sigh::

It’s the way we were raised. His family was always painfully early to things. Mine was always embarrassingly late. Neither is the ideal obviously. But we’re both pretty stuck in our ways. Me because I enjoy sleep way more than is probably healthy and Joel because he likes to eliminate even the possibility of the possibility of stress.

So, I was ready about 45 minutes after we agreed on. We weren’t in any danger of missing our appointment but it caused some tense words. For a decent amount of time.

Then? We both took deep breaths, apologized for being ridiculous (because we both so were) told each other how much we loved each other and moved on.

I believe the best quality we both posses is the ability to forgive quickly and easily. I’m positive we wouldn’t be together still otherwise. We’re both too dramatic for it to work out any other way.

Thankfully, by the time we parked downtown we had kissed and made up and were back to being ridiculously in love again. We grabbed some Intelligentsia (which, not even going to lie, those baristas make waaaay better coffee than me. I have a lot of practicing to do) and were still 30 minutes early for our appointment.

(Not going to say I told you so. Not. going. to. say. it.)

Oh right, the appointment. We turned in our applications for our Indian visas. Which makes this whole trip start to seem very real. I’m not going to get truly excited until we actually have the visas issued though. And plane tickets purchased. Although a very exciting offer was made that if it works out would mean we won’t have to mess with flying standby. Which would be AHmazing. We’ll see. I’ll definitely keep you all updated.

At the application office there was a lady who tried to apply but wasn’t able to because she didn’t have a birth certificate. Her and another women we were waiting in line with us and were talking about how excited they were about the trip. The look on her face when the lady told her her naturalization papers weren’t acceptable was heartbreaking. She was born out of the country. She had no way to get any kind of other paperwork. What she had the Indian consulate would not accept. It’s unclear if there’s any way around the issue. Her friend applied for her own visa while she just sat in a chair wide eyed and sad. I wanted to hug her. I hope she finds a way to fix the problem. I hope this doesn’t mean she can never travel to India. I guess I’ll never know.

So, my nervous excitement was dampened just a little by that poor woman’s problem. Just a little though.

Because oh my goodness I just applied for an Indian visa.

Since we were already downtown we decided to use our Living Social deal that we got to see Avatar at Navy Pier’s IMAX theater. The movie was fine (we’d both already seen it) but the best part was just being downtown. It was so unbelievably gorgeous today. Just perfect weather and bright blue skies and…. ah I love Chicago. As soon as we get a decent camera I plan on spending a day downtown trying to capture my city’s essence. It won’t be possible of course but I’m going to try as hard as I can.

Chicago is just amazing.

I wish we could have spent the whole day downtown wandering around and enjoying the perfect day but since I have to wake up at 4am we headed back home after the movie. Why don’t I live downtown again? Oh right. Stupid money. Bah.

Aaaand, that was my day. I’d say the title was pretty accurate. This post was just my thoughts pouring out of my head filterless. And now that my brain has emptied itself onto this page I’m feeling very sleepy.

Which is perfect because now that I work so early in the mornings I have the bed time of a three year old.

Wordless Wednesdays: So in love

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