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Tag: letters

Boxes of emotions

I picked up some old boxes from my mom’s house the other day. My life from childhood until 18 is in those boxes.

It’s so hard to express how full of feeling these boxes make me. The emotions tied to each piece of paper are intense.

Happiness

I remember the nights of staying up late, promising forever friendship and sharing secrets.

…the giggling and laughing until my stomach hurt and I couldn’t breath.

…my best friend running up and in breathless excitement telling me she was moving to Florida.

…how I felt like someone hit me in the stomach with a 2×4 at that moment.

…crying and missing her.

…getting letters.

…meaning to write back.

I never really did.

I lost that friend because I never made time to stay in touch.

Regret

Insecurity

I remember never feeling quite right in any clothes.

…feeling fat.

…feeling ugly.

….getting a compliment.

…instantly feeling beautiful right afterward.

…going on “diets”

…eating nothing but junk food.

…learning what it meant to feel sexy.

Confidence

Crushes

I remember the brief looks and almost innocent touches.

…the whispers and not so subtle giggles and glances.

…notes written between friends.

…acting disinterested.

…acting way too interested.

…playing hard to get.

…falling in love.

…falling out of love.

Heartbreak

I remember feeling sad and alone and angry at the world. I remember feeling like every little thing was the end of the world. It was all that was. I now realize how little and unimportant those things were.

I also remember thinking I’d get to things that weren’t very important. I now realize how infinitely important those things were. I wonder how different my life would be if I wouldn’t have neglected the people who were truly important to me.

I wonder if I’ve learned that lesson yet.

It’s amazing what looking through old letters, cards, pictures and home videos can bring into your mind. So many emotions, packed tightly away where I didn’t have to think or deal with them. I’m slowly pulling them back out and examining them. If I can finally learn the lessons I should have learned before I packed them away, maybe in 20 years my new set of boxes will bring more positive feelings than negative ones.

Hopefully.

Letters

Dear Ice Packs,

I love you so much. I just want to rub you all over my face. Actually, I plan on doing just that all. day. long. Sexiness.

Dear Pain Meds,

Everyone told me how good you’d be. I’d really appreciate it if you could live up to the hype rather than making me feel nauseous half the time and the other half making it next to impossible to keep my eyes open. I could even live with all that if you’d take the pain away completely. I’m only allowed to take you every four hours and, like clockwork, you start wearing off at about 3-3 1/2. Not cool Pain Meds, not cool.

Dear Mashed Potatoes,

You are delicious. Don’t be mad if, after all this is said and done, we have to take a little break from each other. It’s not that I don’t love you, I do. Once I can chew again I think it would be healthy for both of us if we saw other people for awhile though.

Dear Phoebe,

I’m sorry that I haven’t been much fun the last few days. You don’t need to punish me for it by biting at my legs every time I walk out of the room and asking to go outside every 30 minutes. I also know that you understand what I’m saying to you even though it sounds like I have a mouth full of cotton balls. That big eyed, innocent stare isn’t fooling anyone. I’ll be back to normal soon, can I just get a break until then? Pretty please?

Dear Anyone Who Has Called Me On The Phone The Last Couple Of Days,

Sorry you can’t understand me. I can’t understand me either. I’ll get back to you once my mouth returns to normal.

Dear Shower,

I miss you. We should really have a long reunion tomorrow because it’s been way too long.

Dear Joel,

Wow, I am so lucky to have you! If it wasn’t incredibly mean I would wish that I could take care of you like you’re taking care of me. However, that would require you being this miserable and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I do plan on making it up to you in any way that you’d like. Multiple times. ::wink wink::

Lots of love,

Skywaitress

Dear Winter,

There seems to have been some misunderstanding. I realize that Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow and all. That entitled you to six more weeks. That’s fine, I get it. However this is where we had the mix up. Perhaps you were under the impression that you could pick and choose those six weeks whenever you wanted. This is not the case. You get six weeks, in a row, starting on February 2nd and by my calculations you time was up on the 16th. On top of that you were given three days of a grace period to get anything else out of your system. You can imagine how displeased I was to wake up, on the first official day of Spring, to find this.

I can see how you might have thought that you were entitled to a few more days since you gave Spring a bit of a head start the last week or so. I’m not going to lie Winter, I really enjoyed those warm days. Now, don’t act all hurt and sulky. You have your place in my heart as well. It’s just, I like you a lot more when combined with holiday cheer. Once the holidays and my birthday are over and you still persist in dumping foot after foot of snow it starts to get old.

Anyway Winter, you just need to let go. Move on. You’ll have your time again. In fact, you get an entire quarter of a year. Why try and step on Spring’s toes? We both know you’re bigger and stronger than she is. She’s also kind of shy so you dumping snow on us her very first day just makes you look like a big bully. Is that what you want Winter?

We both knew this couldn’t last, Winter. Hey, it’s not all bad. Relax, go on vacation. I hear the Southern Hemisphere is great this time of year. We’ll see each other again but until November try and keep your snow to yourself.

See you next year,

(seriously)

Abigail

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