No time

It’s been so long since I truly didn’t have time for things. No time to read books I want to read. No time to catch up on my shows. No time to read and comment on all the blogs that I love.

No time.

Well, ok not no time. But I would have to give up other things. Like spending time with friends. Or sleeping.

Those are things that I’m not giving up.

So for all intents and purposes, I have no time.

It’s weird for me.

I can’t remember a time in my life when I had no time. In The Netherlands I had plenty of time for internet and books and shows. Obviously the kids kept me busy but I always had evenings free plus three days off a week. Then I had basically part time jobs until I got a job as a flight attendant.

As a flight attendant? It felt like I had nothing but spare time. I spent a ton of time “working” but let’s face it, even on the airplane I had time to sit and read a book or whatever.

Then there were layovers. Often on my layovers I went out and explored the town or hung out with coworkers. I wanted to soak in every second of that job. However, if you’re staying in an airport hotel with nothing around for the 8th time in 2 months…. you run out of things to do outside your hotel room so it leaves plenty of time for books and blogs.

Add into that having 11 guaranteed days off a month plus not flying every single day I was on call? Sometimes I felt like the laziest person alive. I wasn’t.

Until I got furloughed. Then I was definitely the laziest person alive. I would go days without ever seeing the outdoors. Pajamas were my uniform and I would find myself on Hulu watching absolute crap because I had no more blogs to read or shows to watch.

Really truly pathetic.

Now I have this job. And I. love. it. It keeps me on my toes and challenges me. There are always problems to solve and when I turn a near disaster into a success? Well, there’s nothing quite like the rush it gives me.

But, I’m left with a choice between reading a book that I really love (or at least I really love so far. I’ve barely begun it) or sleep? I’m probably going to choose sleep.

And when I say probably I mean pretty definitely.

I love sleep. We’ve established this.

What I’m trying to say is, I’m an awful blog friend lately. I barely even check Twitter anymore, much less post. I read as many blog posts as I can but I rarely comment. I hate that. I have things to say, really, I just am trying to squeeze as much into a short period of time as possible.

So I’m totally lame and have no time to do a lot of the things that I’ve loved and gotten used to over the past couple of years. I think it’s probably a good thing. I haven’t felt this fulfilled since I stopped flying. I certainly have never felt this productive, possibly ever.

I’m sure a balance will come soon. Already things run a million times smoother than they did before. Until then I’ll treasure ever second of sleep and down time I get.

Speaking of sleep, I have a nice warm bed and handsome husband calling my name right now.

Where to next?

I had all these great ideas for posts today. I can remember thinking at least four times, “Oh! I should blog about that!” Now? I have no freaking clue. Normally I’d have written my ideas down but we were busy enough that by the time I had a chance I’d already forgotten my idea.

Add to that working a 12 hour day…. I’m totally brain dead.

So….

I’m excited about how work is going. I have a bunch of new responsibilities that I’m excited about. So hopefully my job will be less same old, same old. I like variety and I like to be challenged. Hopefully these changes will be just what I need.

I also decided that I need to plan a trip. Somewhere warm in January or February. It will give me something to look forward to instead of dreading the winter. I’m just stir crazy and I need something to focus on when I feel like my wings have been clipped.

So, now I need ideas. I went to Cancun last January so I’m not too interested in that. Plus it really needs to be somewhere relatively inexpensive. Also, I’d like it to be somewhere I’ve never been. As much as I’d love to go somewhere like Thailand I think it probably will need to be somewhere close. If I can get the time off I don’t want to waste whole days in transit.

I was thinking possibly South Carolina. I’ve never been and I’ve heard it’s gorgeous. New Mexico is another option. There are many states that I’ve never been to but I’d prefer to go somewhere warm and I’ve pretty much been to all the other southern states.

I’m already perking up at the ideas. Anyone want to help me daydream?

Sighs

Joel had to work late tonight. This isn’t anything new. Thursdays he usually has to work late. That just means I get him for a long lunch and more other times so it’s not that big of a deal.

Since I expected him to be gone I made plans to go out with a friend. Her and I have a lot of fun together usually so I was looking forward to it.

Notice the was?

Currently I’m sitting on my couch, in my pajamas and watching Gossip Girl while eating chips and salsa.

Don’t be too jealous.

But yeah, my friend got a date. I’m actually happy for her.

But it sucks to be blown off.

I just feel so lame lately. I miss my old life as a flight attendant. Now my life consists of so much of the same thing over and over. I have a routine.

A routine!

I wake up, shower, eat breakfast, go to work, come home, relax a bit, hurry up and go to bed only to start all over again the next day.

I try to be in bed by 7pm most days.

Seven PM!

I wake up now usually before I used to go to bed six months ago. Not that I miss my extreme night owl habits. But why do I have to go from one extreme to another? I hate the boring routine already. I want variety in my life. I want to travel.

Yes, I know I just got back from India. For most people that would satisfy their travel lust. Not me. I’m like a crack addict. A trip like that makes me crave even more. Even just a quick trip to somewhere domestically would be so wonderful. I can’t though because of work.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of fun at my job. I work with fantastic people and I just got officially promoted which will give my job a little variety. I believe in the concept that we’re working toward with the store and I want to see a place like that thrive. Being a part of it is exciting.

I still miss hotels though. I miss airports and new cities. I miss walking through the terminal in my uniform like I own the place. I miss nodding at other crew members in a we’re-all-in-the-same-club kind of way. Now they just look at me like I’m an insane person when I do that which brings me reeling back to the reality that I’m just one of the crowd right now.

I don’t look at weather reports anymore. I enjoy rain instead of it stressing me out because I know that will put me closer to The Call. Unless you’ve worked in the airline industry you can’t truly understand what kind of stress that can be, especially if you have plans that you’re looking forward to.

Now, I don’t even bother looking at the weather report. My weather man is Joel when he takes Phoebe out in the morning.

“Honey, what’s it like outside?”

And that’s how I pick my outfit for the day. Every. single. day.

But this post isn’t about how I want to start checking the weather more.

This post is about how bored I feel. And how trapped. And lonely. Ah yes, always lonely. But you don’t want to hear me whine about my problems making friends again. More lameness.

I want adventure. I’m starting to regret taking the longer furlough. I know I needed the break so I could recharge and actually miss my job. My incredible, fabulous, glamorous (ha!) job.

So yeah, I miss it. I’m ready to go back. I’m over this break. Unfortunately I still have to wait another year and a half before this break is done with me.

::sighs::

Wordless Wednesdays: Packing Light Before and After

Why do I do this?!

I procrastinate. And I freaking hate it. I leave for India tomorrow.

TOMORROW!

Guess how packed I am at 8pm the night before.

(not at all)

Guess how many blog posts I have ready.

(still have a bunch to write or get ready to post)

So yeah, I’m freaking out just a little.

I’ll get it all done. I always do. Will I get a decent night of sleep? That is very questionable.

So this post is a little phoned in. Sorry. I just have to concentrate on other things right now. Because I’m already tired and am hours away from being able to go to bed.

Ugh.