You Only Live Once, This Is How I'm Doing It!

Category: First year Page 3 of 4

First Father’s Day

Letters to my boys on Joel’s first Father’s Day:

Dear Wesley,

Your daddy loved you long before you were born.


In fact, I think he let himself love you before I even could. He just could not wait to meet you.

He never dealt with many babies before and I knew he was nervous, but he took to fatherhood like he was born to do it. He was the first one to change your diapers.


The first night you were alive he stayed up most of the night with me just to stare at your face and make sure you were still breathing.


He so clearly adores you.


I’m pretty sure you adore him too.


I’m so proud of what an amazing father he is to you. If mommy’s milk doesn’t do the trick he puts you to sleep better than anyone, even me.


Your father is an amazing man who loves his family and would do absolutely anything for us. He is brilliant, creative, a hard worker, tender, loving and extremely passionate. He is my rock and I know he will be yours too. I hope you grow up to be just like him.


Dear Joel,

Happy first Father’s Day. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner to raise our son. You amaze me every single day. I absolutely could not do this without you. I can’t thank you enough for all that you do.


Nothing sexier than my man wearing my baby. I love you.


Weekly Wesley: Ten


This week Wesley is obviously going through a big growth/development spurt because it was equally parts hard and awesome.

There is way more of this than I liked.


Well, let’s be honest, who likes any of that?

Still, there was way more of this…


and this


and this


than the screaming so I can’t complain too much.

This week he made a huge leap in his neck strength. It seemed like overnight he went from fighting the weight of his head to holding is head up for ages like it was nothing.


Part of what helped the neck strength I think was that I finally tried the Moby wrap for the first time. We looooove it.


I was so intimidated by it and now I can’t figure out why. It’s really not that difficult to put on and it’s really comfortable.

With the Moby we’ve been going on walks every night this week.


It’s a great time to talk without the distraction of electronics and it’s got the bonus of being exercise.


Wesley always seems to really love being outside.


he’s fascinated by all the sights and sounds.

Other milestones:

  • Someone asked me to cover myself for the first time while I was nursing in public. We were at an event for a friend of the family and a grandma type lady wanted a picture of the group of us so she said, “Cover yourself, I don’t want anyone to think I’m doing pornography or something.” I sort of adjusted the fabric of my wrap slightly but I did not throw a cover over my baby. I mean, this is how much you could see:

So basically an inch or so of skin… I really don’t think she meant to be rude or ridiculous. She’s just old fashioned.

  • Wesley finally discovered the mobile on the mamaRoo. It really shows how much more aware he’s becoming of his surroundings.


  • Wesley’s starting baby gymnastics… while he nurses. It cracks me up how wiggly he can be or what awkward poses he twists himself into sometimes.


I can’t say I’m sad this week is over. I’ve been more exhausted and frazzled than maybe any other week. Thankfully as soon as I’m ready to just lose it either Joel steps in and gives me a break or Wesley turns it around and flashes one of his dimply grins at me. It’s impossible to stay in a bad mood when I get one of his smiles or coos.



Weekly Wesley: Nine


This guy gets more and more personality each week.

This week we hit the big milestone of 2 months old. The official 2 month photo and stats are here but I thought I’d add some of the outtakes in this post.


Phoebe is getting a little more nervous of his grabby hands. I’m wondering how many more months I’ll be able to bribe her to sit next to him… and how many more he’ll be undistracted by her.


The faces I make to get this face….


Sometimes get a face more like this. Obviously he thinks his mom is crazy already. (He’s right)

With turning two months came a check up. Wesley is a happy healthy boy. There was one awkward moment that I have to share. Wesley is really fair skinned. Not surprising considering his parents. Anyway, while the pediatrician was examining him he was checking his diaper area. He pointed out there was a little redness down there. He said it’s not a rash, it’s just because his skin is thin so it gets red easily because of moisture.

Pediatrician- “Same thing happens to me sometimes.”

Me- blink blink

I’m sure he didn’t mean to immediately give me a mental image of his junk… but yeah. Awkward.

Also with the two month check up came shots. I’m positive they were harder on me than they were on him. It was especially hard because he was in a good mood and was smiling and cooing at me right up to the moment the needle went in.


The look of shock and pain on his face when that first needle went in will be forever etched in my memory. Horrifying.


I cried. Yup, I was that mom. It was awful.


Thankfully it only took a minute of nursing before he forgot all about it. Magic boobies, ftw!

He ran a bit of a temp for a little bit of the day and was extra cuddly but by the evening he was back to his old self and had obviously forgiven me for those mean old shots.


Mommy really does love you, little man.

Other milestones:

  • I took Wesley out to lunch with friends without Joel. We only have one car so we have to specifically plan for me to have the car if I want to go places while Joel is at work. Wesley was great, he slept the whole time and I had a nice lunch visiting with a couple friends.


  • Wesley’s baby acne has officially cleared up. I’m not positive that happened this week actually but this week someone pointed out that it was gone and I realized they were right. Yay for perfect soft baby skin.
  • Wesley has started smiling at me while nursing. One of my first memories is looking up at my mom while nursing and smiling at her. It melts my heart to see my son do the same to me.


  • Wesley is actually learning to enjoy tummy time. Or at least tolerate it. He still cries sometimes but it’s not the entire time anymore.


  • Baby’s first tank top. Gah!


And just for funsies, one last picture of the look I get sometimes when I’m being extra silly.


Uh mom… you’re a weirdo.

Two Months Old


Weight: 9 pounds 12 ounces

Length: 23 inches

Clothing size: Newborn for onesies still. His newborn sized pants are too short on him but the 0-3 month pants still look too big. He has grown into the rest of his 0-3 month a little more. They’re still big around the waist but he’s growing into them little by little.

Diaper size: Size 1.

Sleep: He’s awake a lot more during the day. He still takes at least one long (2-4 hour) nap during the day and several shorter (20 minutes- 1 hour). At night he usually falls asleep around 8, dream feeds at 11 or 12 when we go to bed, up at 5 or 6 again to eat and get changed and then is either up for the day around 7 or cat naps until 10 or so. Twice he’s slept even longer, once 7 hours and once 8 hours. I have zero sleep complaints. Zero.

Approximate number of photos I’ve taken of Wesley: 1,700+

Approximate diapers changed: 300+

He’s still our little peanut but he’s growing, healthy and is the happiest baby ever.

Two Months Old


Weight: 9 pounds 12 ounces

Length: 23 inches

Clothing size: Newborn for onsies still. His newborn sized pants are too short on him but the 0-3 month pants still look too big. He has grown into the rest of his 0-3 month a little more. They’re still big around the waist but he’s growing into them little by little.

Diaper size: Size 1.

Sleep: He’s awake a lot more during the day. He still takes at least one long (2-4 hour) nap during the day and several shorter (20 minutes- 1 hour). At night he usually falls asleep around 8, dream feeds at 11 or 12 when we go to bed, up at 5 or 6 again to eat and get changed and then is either up for the day around 7 or cat naps until 10 or so. Twice he’s slept even longer, once 7 hours and once 8 hours. I have zero sleep complaints. Zero.

Approximate number of photos I’ve taken of Wesley: 1,700+

Approximate diapers changed: 300+

He’s still our little peanut but he’s growing, healthy and is the happiest baby ever.

Weekly Wesley: Eight


Wesley’s hair is finally starting to grow on top. Right now it’s just the finest of fuzz but it’s there. It looks more brown than blond to me but it’s hard to tell at this point. I’m so curious to see what color it ultimately turns out to be.

This week I danced a lot. Pregnancy and childbirth made me miss way more classes than I’m happy about. Unfortunately I got cleared for exercise just over a week before my studio took a three week break before the summer session starts. I got in as many classes as I could though and while I was gone Joel and Wesley spent some quality time together.


Speaking of sleep we had two extremes going on this week. One day 4am came around and Wesley decided that was a great time to be up, laughing and giggling.


If I have to be up at 4am at least I have a smiley kid to do it with rather than a fussy one.

Then the next extreme was Saturday night going into today. I dream fed him at around midnight, set my alarm for seven… and woke up when the alarm went off! All the exclamation points!!! It was positively wonderful. I don’t expect it to be a regular thing yet but oh man it was wonderful. As you can imagine we all woke up feeling great.


I love my little family.

Other milestones:

  • Little guy was kind of extra fussy this week likely because I was working out an extra lot. My midwife warned me that might happen. He made up for it with tons of smiles though.


I can’t get enough of that sweet face.

My first Mother’s Day

My first Mother’s Day was lovely and low key, just the way I wanted it. We started the day with brunch with Joel’s mom.


Wesley slept through the whole thing like an angel and woke up at the very end, just in time to let his Gigi hold him for a few minutes.

From there we went straight to hang out with my family. We had a little cookout and just enjoyed our time together.


It’s not easy to get this many people together, all looking in the same direction and still long enough to get a picture.

My mom gifted me this beautiful necklace.


It is a tradition that she started that she gifts us girls a necklace like this on our first Mother’s Day. It’s very special to me that I’m finally one of the mothers who gets to wear this.

The weather was a little chilly but sunny and gorgeous so we grabbed some outdoor shots.


All of us mothers.



My little family.


I really love being a mommy to this little dude.

Weekly Wesley: Seven


We had a reunion of our Bradley Method class this week.

No faces because I don't put people's babies on the internet without their permission

No faces because I don’t put people’s babies on the internet without their permission.

It was cool hearing everyone’s birth stories. I still have yet to finish editing mine (I know) but this may have been the push I need to just buckle down and finish it. I do love to talk about my birth because it was amazing and the Bradley Method played a huge part in that. It was also neat to see all the babies who are all within a few weeks of Wesley’s age. He is super bald compared to most of the other babies, several of which had a hilariously cute amount of hair.

Speaking of bald, his baby pattern baldness has reached level: ridiculously hilarious. I mean….


We call it his Picard hair, #NerdAlert. I kind of adore it.

I finally had my check up to clear me for activity. I’m all healed up and cleared to exercise which meant I actually got to go back to dance. I only went to one class this week and was ridiculously sore for what I did. Apparently sitting on the couch for the better part of 6+ weeks is not the way to stay in shape. I’m raring to go though because I am over how tight even my fat pants are. Plus this whole breastfeeding thing makes me eat-my-own-arm hungry at all times which means I’m still not down to pre-baby weight, much less down to my happy healthy weight. Give me ALL THE EXERCISE! The only thing I didn’t figure out at the appointment was whole birth control thing. Still not sure what I’m going to do about that. But this post is about Wesley so I’ll leave that for another time.

This week we had a milestone I never hoped to hit. Baby’s first fever. 🙁


Poor little dude hadn’t slept well two nights in a row and the second night I noticed he was really fussy while breastfeeding because his nose was all stuffy. Then he woke up stuffy and very fussy. He just wasn’t my normal happy baby, it was the saddest. We had planned to go to the opening of the new Star Trek movie but I obviously didn’t want to take him anywhere so I stayed home and Joel went. The next day his fever was gone and he was back to his normal smiley self though.


I’m so very happy it was super minor. I’m hoping we never go anywhere near a fever again because seeing my baby sick and uncomfortable hurt my heart. Shut up, I can wish.

Other milestones:

  • Didn’t hate tummy time. Once. He’s back to hating it again though. At least I see hope on the horizon.


  • Tracking really well from further and further away.
  • Actually responds to my singing, ie. smiles for upbeat songs or is calmed by lullabies.
  • Reacts more to loud noises. This morning Joel started the coffee grinder while holding him and he actually screamed in terror. So sad… and also a little funny. Yes, I laughed at my kid’s terror. Evil mom alert.
  • First trip to Ikea.
  • Met Joel’s best friend Cecil and wife Rachel (who has become my good friend) and adored them.


  • Got his social security card in the mail this week. He’s official. Now to get his passports.
  • First meal out on a patio.


In fact, the weather was so nice and he did so well we ate out on a patio twice in one week.

I realized that because of the post I put up on Mother’s Day I forgot to post Wesley’s six week update. Oops. Bad mommy blogger. I’m going to attempt to back post it. I did take a picture so, if nothing else, I’ll post that. I also should post about how my first Mother’s Day actually went (short version, it was lovely). Not to mention the birth story and I have yet to post his gorgeous newborn photos… As you can see I have a backlog of posts I want to write and the more behind I get the less I’m motivated to actually write them. Blah.

I’m not giving up on this blogging thing though, even if I’ve felt like it from time to time lately. I’ve made some great connections with so many of you and I hope I don’t lose them because I’ve been slacking on the writing and reading and replying to comments. I do read them, even if it’s from my phone which makes replying a pain. Thank you for sticking around. I’ll figure out a balance. And if anyone has any great tips for an app that will make reading blogs and leaving comments easier I’d love them. I’ve had so many comments eaten that I’ve all but given up trying from my phone. You all are very important to me so I want to get back to replying here and commenting on your blogs ASAP.

The sweetness of now

Dear Son,

I hope it doesn’t hurt your feelings when I tell you I was dreading the newborn phase. I heard so many just-you-waits and horror stories of colic and sleepless nights. I was kind of terrified.

I never did well without sleep. Frankly I became quite the bitch without a full 8+ hours. Plus the dirty diapers and the cracked and bleeding nipples and the hormones… I always thought of newborns as cute, I just liked being able to hand them back off to their parents after a few minutes. Being responsible for one 24/7? Yikes.

I always joked that I just wanted to adopt a kindergartener, because that’s when kids really become interesting.

Then there was you.


Your birth was beautiful. It was everything I hoped and dreamed it would be. I didn’t love pregnancy but I would give birth a hundred times if every one was like yours. When they put you on my stomach I couldn’t believe you were real. You were perfect.

You took to nursing like it was the most natural thing in the whole world. I couldn’t believe how much I loved breastfeeding. It didn’t hurt like I expected. It was complete bliss right from the beginning. You wanted to nurse almost round the clock.


You also want to be held round the clock. Every once in awhile you’ll be happy to be set down for 20 or 30 minutes and even that is a fairly new development. If I want to be sure you’ll stay asleep and content I have to hold you.

At first this was overwhelming and frustrating to me. People say to sleep when the baby sleeps. Well it’s difficult to do that when the baby doesn’t want to be put down. Ever. Also, I watch the mess pile up around me. I call the futon my nest. I have pillows and snacks and a phone charger surrounding me on it. Most days I don’t leave my nest except to go to the bathroom, change your diaper and grab more food and water.


I found myself wishing you’d let me put you down.

And then I realized, this isn’t forever. Already there was that one time you slept in the mamaRoo for an hour. You won’t always need to be pressed up against me to stay asleep.


Right now you need me. Completely. That is wonderful and terrible at the same time. I am your only source of food and often your only source of comfort. I have had moments of wishing that away.

But no more. You need me all you want, little man. There is nothing in the world that is more important than me being there for you right now.


I look at your sweet face and it’s already changed so much in the six weeks you’ve been alive. You already are awake and alert more and more every day. Before I know it you’ll be too busy exploring your world to be bothered with cuddles. Before I know it your head will have more than just wispy fuzz. Before I know it you’ll lose that sweet milky breath. Before I know it you’ll chunk out and become more than just an armful of sweet squish.

Before I know it you’ll be that kindergartener I was wishing for.

Only the thing is, when I was dreading having a newborn, when I was bracing myself to just get through these days until I got to the “better” years, when I was thinking how I “can’t wait” for ____ milestone I didn’t realize I’d end up with a sweet newborn like you.


Wesley, you are better than I ever dreamed you’d be. I was foolish to want to skip any of this. You take your time growing up. I know there will be times when things are hard, there already have been. But these moments of neediness? These all day cuddles? These I won’t wish away. They can find me buried under a pile of granola bar wrappers for all I care.


Because everything else besides you can wait. Thank you for making me a mommy.

Weekly Wesley: Six


The best thing about this week was Mother’s Day. I’ll write more about it in detail later but it was a beautiful day.


So happy that this little boy made me a mommy.

The rest of the week was pretty laid back so I’m just going to post my favorite pictures I took this week. Wesley’s more interesting than my ramblings anyway right?


This little guy is kind of a master at escaping swaddles. The special swaddling blankets kind of help but more often than not I wake up to something like this.


This is his milk drunk face. Sleepy, happy goodness.


I’m not positive about what was so funny but I think Wesley was pooping. Loudly. Wesley was clearly not as amused as we were.


Sweet baby boy sleeping in his daddy’s arms.


Joel misses Wesley’s best time which is late morning. That is when he is all smiles and coos. Joel makes up for it on the weekends. Bonus for me? I get to doze extra while they bond. Everyone wins.


Sweet tiny baby hands while nursing.


Wesley has learned to love bath time, although you can’t exactly tell by the way he’s looking at me in this picture. He was enjoying himself though, trust me.

Other milestones:

  • I got my first smile while nursing. It couldn’t have come at a better time. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with the fact that I was Wesley’s only source of food and often comfort. Then the next day he looks up at me while nursing and gives me the biggest grin. Worth it.
  • We forgot the diaper bag on an outing for the first time. Since the store we were at sold diapers and even baby clothes we decided to risk it. He ended up sleeping through the whole trip so we didn’t have to buy emergency supplies. So it was a parent fail but we turned it into a win. We’re just talented like that.

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