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Holding onto the happiness

Tonight was a beautiful night.

I missed four dance classes while I was in hiding so I am taking a jazz class right before my company class for the next four weeks to make up for it. That means two hours of dance in a row. After two weeks of doing almost nothing but lie around my muscles were nervous.

It was positively blissful.

I worked hard and sweated like crazy and my body is pretty sore already. The thing is, I laughed so much I’m not sure if my sore abs are from the dancing or the giggling. It was just that much fun. I’ve been taking lessons there since October and this whole ordeal made me realize that in that time I made friends. Not just other students who take classes with me, but friends.

Tonight I received more hugs and words of sympathy but in a way more importantly I had fun. I laughed. A lot. It felt so good.

I’m not over it. I’m starting to realize that getting over it is probably an unrealistic goal. From what I’ve been told no one really “gets over” a miscarriage. It’s a part of me forever whether I like it or not. That was such a depressing, overwhelming thought before.

Tonight I realized that even if I’m never over it I can still find myself again. I will laugh and have happiness. My future doesn’t have to be dark.

I’m holding onto that feeling. Happiness is worth holding onto.

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3 Comments

  1. Liz

    I love this post. I’m so glad to hear about your happy night. I love you so much!

  2. Don’t give up. My wife and I had two miscarriages before we found out the cause. My wife had to take daily shots of Lovenox due to a blood clotting issue. It wasn’t easy….but we eventually became parents. I’ve been following your flying blog for a while. I’m also in the “industry” as a pilot for a regional.

    We have a blog as well that was supposed to last just a year covering our journey to parenthood. It lasted much longer. My wife and I recorded our journey good and bad through both miscarriages so that other’s may come across our story and see it’s common….and it’s not the end.

  3. Jade

    Hi Abigail,
    I’ve been away for ages and just catching up on what’s happening. I’m so sorry for your loss, I’m in awe of the way you’re writing all of this, I’m sure it’s helping you.

    Thinking about you,
    Jade

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