I met Kathrin when I was an au pair in The Netherlands. She’s from Germany and still lives in The Netherlands which means I actually get to see her from time to time when I go back to visit my host family. She’s a dear friend and someone I definitely wish I lived closer too because with her I always have a fabulous time.

She doesn’t have a blog of her own (yet ::nudge nudge:: Kathrin ::wink::) but since she’s such a good friend I wanted to see what her life dreams were.

I shouldn’t be surprised that her and I are so similar. I’m a big dreamer in a lot of ways but when it comes down to it we share the same fear of failing. Even this trip to India I was afraid to get excited about in case it didn’t happen.

I’m so very glad it did and Kathrin, I’m sure that your dreams of a family will happen too, whenever you’re ready.

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Hi, I am a former au pair friend of Abigail’s and when she asked me to guest blog here, I was more than flattered. But I am not a blogger yet and therefore not used to writing that much. I have struggled with this post for days now and I still do not have a grip on it. However, as Abby and Joel are leaving shortly, I don’t have time anymore and will have to bore entertain you with just some personal thoughts, but hey, isn’t that what blogging is all about?*

I am asked a lot about my life dreams recently but I always give vague answers about wanting a ‘happy life’ with Mr P**. I mean that is certainly true, who doesn’t want a stable relationship and a healthy and happy life? But it is just not like I have this exciting life dream like climbing the Himalaya or find a cure against cancer. I mean I wouldn’t mind doing both, but I don’t dream of it. I am really afraid to fail and I think that is the reason or not daring to have big dreams.
I mean, it is not like I lead this boring, super organized life; I dare things, but usually the outcomes are very predictable. When they are not, I tend to not dream about it or at least don’t let the dream come too close to me. This is typical when I have a job interview for example, when I really desire the job I usually externally play it down for myself and all the people around me. There is, however, one dream everyone around me knows about but nobody besides Mr P knows how big it is for me: ever since I was a child, I dreamed of having the “perfect family” and especially children.

The closer it comes to getting children, however, the scarier it gets for me. Mr P and me have been in a relationship for more than 5 years now and while we are not married yet, I know that it will happen sooner or later and I also know that we would make quite ok parents. Mr P recently turned 30 and the questions about our ‘planning’ do not get fewer. (That’s why I always love to read about Abigail and Joel having the same dilemma ;-)). I mean seriously, last time we spontaneously visited my mother, she got all excited and bought champagne, because she thought we were coming “to tell her something”.

However, while there are clear obstacles of getting pregnant right now (like no job and money issues), there is also my fear of not being able to get pregnant at all. I would never ever dare to say that out loud*** but the older I get, the more afraid I am of not being able to have children and therefore I try to distance myself from that dream in a healthy way.

I really try to focus on ‘today’ and not get lost in fears or dreams. You know, if I died tomorrow, I could honestly say that I did have a happy life with Mr. P (too short though) and I would have spent my last evening with the love of my life and with the foresight of spending many more years together.

I don’t want to say that dreaming is bad, but I want to say that not dreaming about super exciting things is not bad either. So I finish my post with a quote of the Greek philosopher Epicurus as I think that he perfectly summarized the point I want to make:

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

* No offense 😉

** The love of my life

***Someone once told me, once you say it, it is true.

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