Yet keeps moving

One question I get asked a lot is “When are you going to start having kids?” Is it just me or is that basically asking about my sex life? Like, why don’t you just ask what positions are our favorites? Or what kind of birth control we use. Or how often we do it.

While I wish I had the nerve to come back with “I’m not sure. So how’s your sex life?” I generally say something along the lines of  “We want kids eventually. We’re just not ready. Yet.”

When Joel and I got married we knew we didn’t want kids right away. We wanted time to really get to know each other better. To laze around the house in all states of undress. To go on a weekend trip on a moments notice. Basically we wanted time to be a fun, young married couple. We said we wanted to wait three to five years.

We’ve been married almost four and a half years.

Ho. ly. crap.

I love, love, love kids.  However, if I’m being totally honest I love kids less now than I did in my late teens and early earlier 20’s. Don’t get me wrong. The little kids in my life? Adorable. Love them to death. Can’t imagine my life without them. But there’s always the option to send them to their mother when I don’t want to deal with them.

What will it be like when I’m the mother?

Freaky.

Then there’s the whole sleep issue. When I don’t get enough sleep? Frankly, I’m kind of a bitch. What if I can’t handle the lack of sleep?

What if I don’t like my kid?

I love my freedom. I love having days of doing absolutely nothing at all. Once I’m a mom that’s gone, mostly likely forever.

Am I ready to give that up?

Will I ever be?

Anyway, this is on my mind lately. I definitely want kids. In fact, I kind of want a lot of kids. Now that I’m grown up and close to my siblings I want to give my children the same kind of experience. I’m pretty sure I don’t want 8 like my dad but definitely more than 2.

Actually, I’ve joked that we’ll just keep having kids until we get a bad one. Then we’ll stop.

I’m mostly kidding.

But seriously, I’m scared of having a colicky or difficult baby. Or getting postpartum depression.

I’m really scared that I’ll be a bad mom.

I’m so selfish. Not just sometimes. Most of the time. Growing a baby doesn’t magically change your personality does it?

I mean, even now I get so hurt and frustrated when my mom doesn’t have time for me. I hate not being able to get a hold of her. I’m twenty-freaking-four. Once you’re a mom, you’re always and forever a mom.

I’m just not sure when I’ll ever be ready to go from Me to Mom.

Since we hit that magic we’ve-been-married-for-three-years milestone we keep setting future dates to start trying. When the date comes we get cold feet and push it off further. There’s just so much I want to do.

I want to:

• run a marathon
• pay off our credit cards
• buy a house
• have some money in savings
• get sexy pictures taken of me so I remember my awesome pre baby body
• get in shape enough to where I feel like I have an awesome pre baby body

And ya know, a million other things that always seem to come up. I just don’t know if there will ever be a time that feels like it’s right. I’m afraid if I just keep waiting around to be ready it’s never going to happen.

Someone please tell me how you knew that you were ready. Did you wish you would have waited longer? Not waited as long?

It’s worth it right?

I want to be a young, fun mom. I just keep saying I’m not ready yet. But yet? Just keeps moving.

Wordless Wednesdays: Silly fun

First world problems

I got a super short night of sleep last night. Thankfully it was longer than originally scheduled. I left work around 11:45pm (an hour and 15 mins later than scheduled. Stupid last minute rush that made me tips so never mind.)

On the original schedule I was supposed to be at work at 4:30 the next morning. Not the shortest night of sleep I’ve ever had but dang.

Also, yuck.

Thank god my manager is a nice person and that was a scheduling mistake not a purposeful attempt to make coffee essential to my survival. I didn’t complain about it because I know we’re kind of short staffed and didn’t want to be a whiner. She actually realized it and went out of her way to find someone to switch with me. She actually told me it woke her up in the middle of the night. This made me laugh because 1. Aw, that’s nice and 2. I would so do something like that.

My switch wasn’t too much later though. I still had to be back at work at 6:30am. So a short night but more reasonable than the nap I was going to be stuck with before.

With four hours of sleep and a “taste test” of the espresso shots I was fairly functional. What? We definitely have to do that. So what if the girl who actually opened already had done it. It needed to be done.

Shut up.

We weren’t super busy either so I didn’t have too many opportunities to spill hot coffee all over anyone. I get clumsy when I’m sleepy.

I did get called stupid though which is always fun. Math isn’t my strong point in the first place. When I’ve had very little sleep? Bah. So yeah, the receipt paper ran out and I accidentally put the wrong type of paper in the machine. That meant nothing printed out and I hadn’t noticed the change that was due. Whenever these things happen? I panic. I can do math. Adding, subtracting, multiplying… I can do it. When I panic however? It’s much harder.

I took a breath to try and figure it out (I had to remember the price too) and tried to make a joke about it being early. Instead of laughing the lady was all “No, it’s just your generation. You’re useless without computers.” She then proceeded to tell me the change she was due.

Whatever lady. Psh. I know I’m not stupid but it’s cool if you think so. Super speedy math skills is not the only sign of intelligence. At least I can write good.*

Everyone else was super nice and I even was taught a new drink by a customer. Obviously I don’t know how to make all coffee drinks but if someone can tell me what goes in a drink I can totally try to make it. The drink was a Cuban which is a double shot of espresso extracted with raw sugar. So yummy.

Bonus: Naturally I had to try this new drink. Because obviously.

One of the owners came in later in the morning and ordered a coffee. Until they figure out something different the policy is that everyone pays for everything from the store. It’s definitely weird charging the owner for a cup of coffee but whatever, there’s no confusion then.

As he was paying he was pulling money out of his pockets and putting it on the counter while complaining about carrying around way too much change.

Ok, now I don’t know about you, but when I feel like I have “too much change” that generally means too many pennies and nickels. Maybe dimes. Quarters and up? I’ve never felt I had too much. Maybe that’s just me.

Anyway, the change the owner was pulling out of his pockets mostly consisted of quarters and dollars. And a ten dollar bill. All this change of which there was just too much? He proceeded to dump into our tip jar. It was like twelve-fifteen dollars, people!

I’m not sure if I was clear about the fact that there was a ten dollar bill.

I wasn’t sure if he was serious but yep, he totally was. He laughed about it and then I made some awkward joke about wishing I had the problem of my pockets being too full of money. Tough life.

So yeah, I take this as a sign the store is doing well. The owners are walking around weighted down with annoying little ten dollar bills they have to get rid of.

Like I said, first world problems.

*Yes, I know that’s bad grammar. Irony people.

Small Moments Mondays

I am so honored to have been asked to be a part of Nichole’s (ITSMoments) Small Moments Mondays guest post series on her blog: In These Small Moments.

Nichole is one of my favorite bloggers and tweeters. She has a lust for life that is contagious and inspires me to stop, smell the roses and focus on every wonderful moment of life. We’ve also had many late night conversations on Twitter that led to snort filled giggle fits.

Please go check out my post about my Sweet Caroline, the little girl I used to be a nanny for. Then make sure you stick around her blog and read some more of her post. I promise you will love it and then want to go hug the ones who mean the most to you.

True rock and roll

Tonight I finally got to see one of my all time favorite bands in concert. One that I’ve been dying to see since I was, oh, 12 or so when I first fell in love with their music.

Aerosmith.

True rock and roll legends.

And trust me, when they take the stage you can see why they are legends.

First of all they look like they’ve been partying, hard, for the last 40-80 years. I’m not saying they’re old. I’m just saying that the rock and roll lifestyle is not an affective anti-aging method. You know it’s bad when I could tell from this far away.

Yep, we were cheapos responsible and bought lawn tickets. Made it so getting pictures of the actual band was impossible. The show however was every bit as enjoyable as any other where I’d been right next to the stage.

They’re just that amazing.

In fact, sitting out on the lawn was better in a lot of ways than having a seat. Joel and I got to stretch out and cuddle while we waited for them to play.

No comfier way to see a show, that’s for sure.

Then, when Aerosmith took the stage?

I died.

No really.

Oh. my. god. I love them.

I was impressed and kind of surprised by the range of ages at the show. There were plenty middle age folks like I expected but there were a ton of people our age and even a surprising number of kids. It’s so neat to me how Aerosmith spans generations without having changed their sound much at all.

Again, they’re just that good.

Highlights of the show were:

*Steven Tyler making a smoking pot gesture when he gave us lawn folks a shout out. Yeah, definitely a lot of pot smoking going on in my general vicinity. Unfortunately no one offered to share.

*Joe Perry “battling” his Guitar Hero self. He was sick of kids coming up to him and telling them they beat him in the game. He of course kicked his own ass. Then again, he was judging.

*Steven Tyler humping one of the cameras. Classy.

*Steven Tyler getting bras thrown at him. Some things never change. Also? Classy.

*Joey Kramer’s drum solo. He has some serious talent. He also loves attention…. as any good rock star should.

*Them playing too many of my favorite songs to name. Singing along with Steven Tyler live was just… ::sigh:: … incredible.

They’ve been one of my favorite bands since I was 12. I can’t think of any band I’ve liked as much for as long. We had tickets for their last tour (a year ago?) but Steven Tyler fell off the stage and broke his hip or something and they canceled the rest. Leaving me devastated of course. I was scared to get excited for this show until we were actually almost to the venue.

Thankfully it lived up to and exceeded my expectations. They were the last on a long list of bands I *had* to see in concert.

I think I saved the best for last.