Happy

It’s funny how when I’m happy I feel the need to apologize for it. I am so freaking happy. And you know what? I’m not sorry about that.

Not even a little.

But still I feel like I can’t talk about it. Not on my blog anyway. Because that would be like bragging, wouldn’t it?

The thing is, it’s so different from how I was feeling a month ago. A month ago I was seriously starting to wonder if I needed help of the men in white coats sort.

Or at least the kind that comes with happy pills and couches.

It isn’t normal to feel such deep sadness that you cry for days.

For no reason at all.

It makes me feel almost dizzy just thinking about it. It was awful.

The scary thing is, I never figured out why I was so unhappy. All I know is that I’m happy now.

I have a feeling my happiness has a lot to do with the fact that I’m working again. As “nice” as it is to lounge around all day everyday chatting on Twitter and watching my shows I felt useless and lazy. I hate feeling lazy. I consider laziness my biggest flaw.

Now, almost every day I shower, get dressed, smile and interact with humans. My clothes are fitting better even though the number on the scale hasn’t gone down. When I do spend time lazing around the house it’s a treat. There’s still a little guilt but it’s justifiable.

There’s a small undercurrent of unease that follows me around. Like a dark trickle under the surface that threatens to burst at any moment and become the next gulf spill of sadness.

I don’t ever want to go back to the dark place I was in. I also don’t want my happiness to depend on work or other outside factors that I can’t really control. I want my happiness to come from inside of me. That’s a much more elusive kind of happiness.

The good news is, unless I think about really hard I can’t tell the difference between that kind of happy and the kind I am now. I’m content to take the kind of happiness I can get for now though.

Even if there’s a chance it could disappear, it sure is wonderful while it lasts.

Updated: Best Caption

Updated:

I love all the caption ideas you all left in the comments. Quite clever. I’m still no closer to understanding an actual reason for this ridiculous parking job but at least I got a couple good chuckles out of the deal. Thank you all for playing, I hope it was as fun for you as it was for me.

The caption I chose made me laugh. Loudly. Whoever Andrew is, he knows his audience.

“My wife just landed 45 minutes ago when I was still watching the game”

I seriously need to know what kind of roofing emergency there could have been to warrant this horrendous parking job.

Hazards on and all.

I mean, I want to hope that something was seriously leaking. Although considering the utter lack of rain (notice the beautiful blue skies) I kind of doubt it.

It’s not a swanky car so I doubt he was worried about door nicks. Not to mention the 20 other open parking spaces.

So why? Why would anyone park like this ever? Is it really that hard to pull in at least kinda sorta straight?

I’m thinking this needs to be a caption contest actually. Mostly because I neeeed to know a possible reason for the insanity!

I’ll change the title to the best caption and credit the winner in a post update.

Ready? Go!

Good dog

Phoebe really is such a good dog. She’s tiny but unlike most little dogs get isn’t nippy and she’s really great with kids. Don’t believe me? Here she is with my two year old nephew Jordan.

Jordan: “Come here Phoebe! Cuddle me!”

Squishy puppy! Her face is kind of says ::sigh:: really?!

Joel said he thought Jordan was trying to perform the Vulcan mind meld on her. We do call him Jordie after all. Don’t worry, I made sure he didn’t actually put his fingers in her eyes.

This was the last picture I took. She was ready to get down but there was no growling or lip curling. She was totally resigned to the cuddles and pulling.

Seriously I don’t know how I ended up with such a great dog. There are a lot of things I’m worried about when I think about having my own kids. Whether or not Phoebe will get along with the babies however, isn’t one of them.

I love that sweet little girl.

Little black rain cloud

At the store we have a lot of free samples. We’re new so people have no idea what’s good (hint: every single thing.They’re not even making me say that.) and when they taste something and like it they usually buy it. Even if they don’t buy it right then, they get excited about it and tell their friends. Can’t lose.

At the grand opening there were of course the most free samples. We had tons of stuff we were giving away. Soda, ice cream, cheese, chips and bread with several different kinds of dips, baked goods, beer, wine…. I mean, you could have made a round through our tiny little store and had an entire meal.

People wandered around, checking things out and most were really excited about the store. Some people however won’t ever be happy no matter what. I feel sorry for those people. What a miserable life, finding everything that’s wrong with everything.

Anyway, I was handing out free bottles of soda and single serve ice cream when a guy wandered into the store. He had a mopey expression on his face and kind of stood off to the side. He then moved closer to my table,

“I heard you guys were giving away free stuff.”

“Oh yeah, we have all kinds of things all over the store. Would you like a soda or some ice cream?”

He looked at the bins of my stuff and turned up his nose at it.

“I don’t like soda”

I told him to have a look around because there was plenty of other things he could try.

I didn’t see him for awhile and gave away most of the rest of my soda in the mean time. When he came back there were only a couple left.

He seemed even more mopey and annoyed and said to me,

“It’s all small stuff.”

Um, duh! Was what I wanted to say. Instead I smiled and told him,

“Well of course. They want you to try things and like them so much that you buy them.”

To this he rolled his eyes. I mean, seriously Dude? What exactly do you think we’re in the business of doing? We have to make money. Again, duh.

I offered him a soda again but he still turned me down.

He was kind of standing off to the side all gloomy and sad like a real life Eeyore. All he was missing was the rain cloud hovering over his head. In the mean time, I handed out all but the last of the sodas. He moved closer but only to complain more.

“I wanted to pick up something for a friend.” As if we were giving away entire plated meals to-go.

Someone came by and asked for the last soda in my bin. Of course, since Eeyore had already turned it down I gave it away without a second thought. I popped the cap off, handed it to the happier customer and then Eeyore was all,

“Hey, now there’s none for me.”

Um, excuse me? You turned me down, not once but twice.

I just kind of looked at him in surprise and the happier customer offered it to Eeyore. Can you imagine? You take a sample and as you get it a full grown man literally whines about there not being one for him because you took it? Seriously awkward! What else was there to do?

Eeyore turned the customer down too. After they walked away with their soda, Eeyore turned back to me and whined,

“Now are you going to get me one?”

At this point I just wanted the whining to stop so I went to the soda case and thank God there were more sitting in there. Technically those were for sale but by that point I probably would have paid for it myself. I brought it back and handed it to him. He took a sip and then sighed

“I don’t even really like soda.”

::facepalm::

Virgin hair no more

I finally did it. My hair can no longer wear white to it’s wedding. Instead, it will be wearing red.

Because red? So much better than white. Or brown for that matter.

Today I took the plunge and completed number 23 on my 30 by 30 list. I dyed my hair red.

I go to the Aveda Institute in Chicago to get my hair done. Their prices are lower than even a place like Super Cuts but I feel comfortable with the quality of the products and I’ve never had a bad hair cut there. The last several cuts I’ve had done by the same girl and I heart her. She’s fantastic.

It was fun when they were discussing my color because they kept referring to my virgin hair. They actually use the words virgin hair which of course made me giggle inside. I’m clearly twelve.

Anyway, the process of the dye and cut took over four hours. Apparently my hair is quite thick.

This was part of the way through the process. She had to get more dye. For the third time. Ha!

Side note, I tried cucumber water for what I’m pretty sure is the first time. Not delicious. I like cucumbers but I think they’re better suited dipped in hummus than as a water flavor. The flavor is actually kind of nauseating. Blech.

The whole time my stylist was as giddy as I was about how good the color was going to look. Once it was done I seriously had so many students and instructors come up and say how gorgeous the color was. And they see a lot of dye jobs so you know it was good.

Oh, here’s a question. How do you react when someone tells you you’re pretty? Like, a matter of fact statement, not a guy hitting on you. One of the instructors came to check my hair at one point in the process and after she introduced herself was like “You’re very pretty.”

Hello, ego boost.

At the same time though it’s so hard to just say thank you. I always feel the need to justify compliments. I resist, but I always want to. It’s probably a whole other post on body image and self esteem but it surprised me and made me think. More than anything though it kind of made my day. Because who doesn’t want to be told they’re pretty?

After my appointment I tweeted about how much I loved my new ‘do and planned to post a picture shortly after. Except I hit traffic… on the way to Aunt Becky’s house to hang out. First Twitter friend I actually got together with. It couldn’t have been a better first tweetup. Because Becky? Every bit as awesome in real life as she is online which makes me so happy. Anywho, her and her adorable munchkins totally distracted me from Twitter (ironically) or posting pictures of my hair. I’m officially a giant tease. Sorry.

So, without further ado, the new hair.

It’s not shockingly different and my stupid cheap camera doesn’t do the color justice.

Perhaps tomorrow I can get a better picture in the sunlight. But you get the idea.

Bonus! I got my headband in the mail today from Krust

AH-dorable!*

I’m very happy with it. I think next time I’ll go even more red.

I think the whole fiery red head thing suits my personality very well.

*double bonus, cleavage shot! You’re welcome.