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Why I don’t go to Church

I used to be very involved with church. From birth to 18 I loved going to church, and some of my best and closest friends were there. I have since stopped going to church and some people wonder why.

Here is what Church has done for me:

Church used the people I loved the most and then told them they weren’t important. It drove them away because they couldn’t commit several more days a week to being there.

Church enslaved my husband for years by giving him false promise after false promise that eventually he would be paid a living wage. You would be shocked how little you can live on. It kept him from going to college by having him take their “college” classes only to find out later those classes were completely worthless in the real world, leaving him with no higher education.

Church hurt my family members when they made mistakes. It rejected them and made them outcasts because there was a visible reminder of their mistakes. They did not hold the same standard for the people the mistakes were made with.

Church made me feel like less than a person because I had a life and couldn’t commit most of my time to them.

Church brought me in, only to reject me later when I had questions and disagreed about certain theological points.

Church made me walk on eggshells because doing or saying the slightest “wrong” thing would offend someone.

Church made me feel guilty because I could never do enough. I never witnessed enough, I never fasted enough, I never read my Bible enough. Nothing was ever enough.

Church told people I love that they were doing something wrong when they were being abused. They downplayed everything and sent them into dangerous situations and it almost cost lives several times.

Church made a husband discourage his wife from having contact with her father because her father made a lifestyle choice that goes against the Bible. When we stood up for the father, wanting to love him and have him be a part of our lives anyway, we were in turn rejected.

Church took away my chance to meet my biological grandfather. He married a catholic girl after divorcing my grandmother and since there is a stigma about divorce chose to completely cut off all contact with my mom. He pretended he didn’t have a daughter and left my mom questioning who her biological father was for 50 years. My mom has a stepfather who is amazing and we all love very much but even as a child I could tell how hard it was for her that she didn’t know where she came from. She met him last year and he was apparently a really neat man. He wasn’t ready to meet any of his grandkids yet though. He just died. I will never meet him.

I can’t step foot in a church now without thinking about all these things and more. I know that if they truly knew me, what I think and believe, I would be rejected. I feel like I know the end of the story before it even starts.  It’s not a happy ending.

I’ll take Jesus, you can keep Church.

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5 Comments

  1. UAL4life

    Amazing post, thanks for sharing, agreed 100%, very sad.

  2. I agree with UAL4life… very, very, sad. Every fiber in my being is screaming… “What you have experience is not True Church!” I wish I could take you to some churches I know… ones that have accepted and loved and cared for me. True Church reflects what you said “I’ll take Jesus, you can keep Church.” I hope someday you find a body of people that reflect Jesus, not a building that’s just a social club labeled “church”.

  3. Melvin Guinn

    My fragile and broken heart goes out to you… It seems that the church you went to and every experience you had with “the church” was negative. Paul(Saul) tells us that the people are the church and if the people have betrayed you then let Jesus shine through you to convict them and bring about change without holding their faults against them. The church is Jesus’ bride and when his second coming occurs… Its the church he will come to take with him. I pray you find it in your heart to forgive because none of us is worthy of God’s forgiveness no matter what we do but he said if we are just to forgive others their sins… He will be just to forgive us ours!!! The church is the people and the building is just a common meeting ground. As we walk our day to day lives… It is we… The people… The church shining a light of hope, forgiveness and reformation in ourselves so that we don’t become a people full of condemnation and hatred for what Christ holds as a treasure. Instead be that light, forgive and forget, that sees through the hypocrites and inspire change in an institution that Jesus left in charge to make disciples and bring glory to his name. Love you-Mel

  4. I want to clarify that I don’t hate the church or any of the people. It took a long time but I even have forgiven all the people that are involved. I believe that living with bitterness only hurts myself and I refuse to let the things that have happened to me and those that I love hurt me even more.

    That being said, forgiveness doesn’t mean I act like nothing ever happened. It doesn’t mean that any of those people deserve my trust. There has been no indication that any of the people even think they did anything wrong so there’s no reason to think they have changed. To put myself back into a situation of trusting those people seems foolish to me.

    Also, this post only focused on the negative. I could probably do an entire post about what I miss about church. Some of the best memories of my life were made at church. For me the risk of the bad outweighs the good right now though. I want whomever cares to know there are good reasons I don’t go to church anymore.

    I don’t hate Christians or anyone else. I haven’t given up my faith. I still love Jesus with everything that I am. I simply don’t go to church anymore.

  5. Melvin Guinn

    When you post a blog about the negatives… Its the negatives that people will respond to. If thats where you stand then can’t fault you for that. Christ said love each other like he loved us. Nobody’s perfect we all do and say things that is not of Christ, however our goal is to be more Christ-like. He loved and died for the very people who put him to death in the most horrific way, that not only embarrassed him but broke him lower than any man has ever known in the history of the world.

    (1 Corinthians 13: 4-5)
    Love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

    Nobody’s perfect and with the exception of Jesus no one will ever be perfect. That’s why he died the death he endured; To be compassionate for us knowing that we will not follow his commands every second of the day. Our sins are forgiven when we repent, ask for forgiveness and forgive others. How can someone seek forgiveness if they don’t feel at fault? How can we forgive and hold on to the bad so strongly?

    Jesus is the head of the church and he said… (John 13: 34-35) “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”

    My heart breaks for you because your missing out on a gift that God gave us in fellowship with fellow believers. No relationship with any person will never be perfect and some people are not meant are not be apart of our lives. That doesn’t disqualify an entire group for the wrong doing of a select few.

    I didn’t post my commit to make anyone feel bad or convict you in any way, shape or form. The purpose of my post was to throw in the facts that what I feel is what Christ compelled us to live by. Love is a hard thing to grasp but when we know Christ better we will know how to love like Christ would want us to. My love and understanding goes out to you where you are in your walk with Christ. We are all learning… and there is victory in that regards!!!

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