So, you want to date a flight attendant?

This isn’t exactly a new video and it doesn’t really apply to me because no matter how nicely you dress or what fancy restaurant you put on a business card I’m not going to go out with you. However, if I were single these things would definitely make you stand out from the usual skeezes who fly. Also, I like that they point out that being a flight attendant is the third sexiest profession. I mean, obviously. Enjoy.

Shopping FAIL

The other day the Dominick’s near us had a promotion. For every $50 worth of groceries you bought you got $10 worth of Kohl’s cash. Seemed like a pretty good deal and luckily our fridge was pretty much empty. Plus, we were out of toilet paper and cleaning products. When everything was said and done we got what is basically a $30 gift card to Kohl’s. The only difference is, it has to be spent at certain Kohl’s stores and it expires. Seemed like a pretty good deal…

Until I got to Kohl’s, that is. My first clue was when I had trouble determining when the girl’s section ended and the junior’s section began. It was full of clothes that looked like something I wore in middle school and that my almost 15 year old sister would wear now. Cute(ish) but not really my style. Or at least not my style anymore. I thought maybe I’d just outgrown junior’s so I wandered into misses. Yeeeah… That was full of stuff my mother would wear. Again, cute but not at all me. I didn’t even bother looking at women’s.

I decided to give junior’s another chance and after a lot of searching and rifling through crap like this:

I mean, seriously? Seriously?! Who wears this? I didn’t realize I went shopping in an 80′s costume store. Also notice that lovely, brightly colored, leopard print shirt in the right corner? Put those together and one glance could send someone into a shock induced coma. I’m just saying.

Anyway, I found a few things that I thought might be cute. Once I got into the dressing room however it was one FAIL after another. A medium shirt was skin tight while an extra small in a different style was huge on me. Nothing looked right. It was seriously frustrating.

It was the complete opposite of the experience that I was expecting. It just pissed me off. So, now I’m home and, instead of eating my weight in chocolate like I want, I’m stuffing myself with berries. I’m eating them with whipped cream so they’re not too super healthy though, don’t worry.

Moral of the story, don’t buy $150 worth of groceries until you’re certain the store you’re getting the bonus cash to has stuff worth buying.

The Invaders

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have been invaded by the enemy. They may look fairly harmless, they’re even beautiful from afar.

But underneath that pretty exterior beats a heart of pure evil.

If it was just the honking and the wing flapping noise it wouldn’t be so bad. I grew up in a house with six kids, I can ignore noise. It’s the pooping. Oh the pooping. The entire back lawn is covered, absolutely covered in goose poop every time these jerks come along. Seriously, they’re not that big, how the heck do they poop so much? Ugh!

It’s impossible to walk without stepping in it. A nice stroll around the lake is ruined when your shoes are coated in goose poop at the end. Plus Phoebe, being a dog and all, thinks goose poop is the tastiest of delicacies. So, not only am I scraping poop off my shoes but I’m having to pull it out of my puppy’s mouth all the time. Sometimes she’ll drop it when I tell her to but she’s not perfect and sometimes it’s so yummy that she just doesn’t want to. I have fished so much slobbery goose poop out of that dog’s mouth… *gag*

Luckily Phoebe seems to hate the geese as much, if not more, than I do. Of course she’s a fraction of their size and if I just set her loose I’m betting they could totally take her. On top of being poop machines, geese are mean. With me on her side however we are a great geese chasing duo. Phoebe loves to sit by the porch door. She can enjoy the spring breeze through the screen and she’s in a perfect lookout position in case any geese dare to land on our side of the pond. She knows the drill. She tells me they’re there. I grab her leash, throw some shoes on and we take off out the door after them.

The neighbors probably think I’m a complete lunatic. It’s probably pretty comical to see me and my tiny dog suddenly fly out of the door and run, yelling and barking at the flock of geese that just landed (I’m yelling, Phoebe’s barking… because if I was barking that would be crazy).

I don’t really care what the neighbors think though. We never hurt the geese, we just let them know that this side of the lake is our territory and those devils and their poop are not welcome.

Omg

I just opened my e-mail to find this:

That’s right. Verified account too. I might have squeeed just a tiny bit.

The one with(out) the butter

I am an extremely passionate person. Whatever I do, I throw myself into 130%. I also feel emotions passionately. If I’m happy, I’m ecstatic. If I’m sad, I’m devastated. If I’m angry, I’m furious. I love fiercely and am deeply loyal.

You can imagine how interesting living with me can be sometimes. I very rarely occasionally tend to over react to things. I’m not a let-my-feelings-simmer-under-the-surface kind of person. Because that’s not healthy right? I mean, if you bottle your feelings that stresses you out, causes wrinkles, heart disease, cancer etc. No seriously, blowing up saves lives! Sure. That’s it.

Anyway, Joel and I don’t fight very often. Really we don’t. We’re probably one of the most loving couples I know. When we do fight it’s usually about something ridiculous. For example, today it was about butter. Unsalted butter. I’m palm smacking my forehead as I type this. It was just as absurd as it sounds. I won’t bore you with the details. Basically, I needed unsalted butter for a baking project. We had some in the freezer and it was mysteriously gone. I’m positive I didn’t throw it away however Joel swore he didn’t throw it away either. So either it A) grew legs B) Phoebe sprouted wings and thumbs and opened the freezer and ate it or C) Joel forgot that he threw it away.

A sane person would’ve maybe gotten a little annoyed then got new butter. I, on the other hand, was irate. You would’ve thought he had thrown away diamond encrusted butter. It’s pretty embarrassing. Luckily, as quickly as my temper flares up it calms down and I forgive just as easily as I get upset. In fact, I can’t tell you how many times we’ve had huge fights and I can’t even remember why mere hours later.

Perhaps a marriage expert would disagree but I think fights like these keep our marriage solid. We get upset, talk it out (sometimes to exhaustion…) and then move on. Joel understands when I lose it over something as dumb as butter that he doesn’t need to take it personally. I mean, technically it was his fault because he lost the butter, but my reaction was just a little over the top. He understands me. In the same way, while I get frustrated, I understand that he has a lot on his mind and he loses things a lot. At the end of the day we love each other more than ever, faults and all, and that’s what counts.