I think this is the first time I’ve really sat down all day. I’m so restless, I don’t know what to do with myself. Luckily, I’m working today so it gives me something to focus on. I’ve taken down my Christmas tree and lights, done a couple loads of laundry….anything to keep me busy. Toos took the boys to the circus today so I only had Caroline which was very nice. She’s such a sweetie.
I’ve been thinking a lot today and yesterday. I’m coming to a point where I have to make some major decisions that are really going to effect my life. I really want to make the right ones and so, I’ve been praying and reading my Bible a lot. It’s really hard to know what to do. I’m really glad that I have people who love and care about me and who are willing to pray for me and help me make these decisions because I don’t know if I’d make the right ones by myself. No matter what I decide it isn’t going to be easy. I love it here and I love this family and the kids; to leave them would break my heart. At the same time I do miss home and I want to be where I’m supposed to be…I don’t know that I’ve ever had to make this hard of a decision before, at least I can’t remember one.
Also, I need to get connected with a good group of Christian friends and a church for the remainder of my time here. I really like the group of friends that I have but I also need some people to encourage me in Godly things.
One other thing is that I’d like to get a second job ASAP. It wouldn’t be anything big, just a part time job in the evenings but I could really use the extra € for travel and to save for when I do decide to go home. Once I go home I’ll need an apartment, phone, car etc and all that costs $. *sigh*
I know that God’s going to show me the right thing to do, I’m just realizing that I’m not as patient as I once thought. I used to think of myself as an incredibly patient person but I’m realizing more and more that that part of my character needs work as well. That and my faith…I have a really hard time being sure that I’ve heard God and trusting God to do what He says He will in the proper time. Everything will work out though. I’m actually pretty excited that I’m getting the opportunity to grow spiritually and improve my character. I want to be a woman of great faith and patience and these next few months are going to bring me that much closer to being one. That’s something to get excited about isn’t it?
You ever watch Pollyanna? I really love that movie. In that movie Pollyanna plays “the glad game”. It’s a really great game. I try to live my life that way. Granted, I don’t usually use the word “glad”, but in every situation there is something to be happy about and grateful for. Things are never as bad as they could possibly be and therefore there’s always something that’s good about a situation. I’m so glad, for instance, that Joel and Helana got to come see me. I enjoyed that so much and we now have a bunch of really great memories and stories to laugh about forever. Sure, I’m really sad and miss them right now but I think you can always judge how happy you’ve been by the level of your pain and sadness. And I was really, really happy. The exciting thing is, after not too long I’ll go back to being happy again, only now I’ll be a better person and appreciate the happiness way more because of how sad I’ve been. It’s like when you’ve had a really bad migrane and you wake up in the morning and it’s gone. Even though really you’ve just gone back to feeling normal again, you feel like a million dollars because of how bad you felt the day before. Anyway, I could ramble on forever…I kind of already have 🙂 So those are my thoughts for the day.
By the way, please keep me in your prayers as I start to make these big decisions. Also, if you have anything that you think God’s told you on my behalf I’m always open to suggestions. ;-)Thanks so much!